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Thursday, October 2, 2014

JUST ANOTHER SENIOR MONDAY


JUST ANOTHER SENIOR MONDAY
So I was off for the golf course this Monday.  Before I left I made a mental note of three things I was going to need. 

My billfold with money, credit cards, driver’s license, and golf ID.

A new sleeve of three golf balls.

Take two Ibuprofen for my arthritic hip.

I’m ready to go and I set the house alarm, step outside and lock the door. 

“Damn, I forgot to take the Ibuprofen.”  

Now, the alarm is doing its beep-beep thing and I’m afraid that if I go in, by the time I put in the code correctly (I sometimes miss on the first try) the alarm will go off, the alarm company will call, and I don’t know the secret password.  I think its RUMPLESTILTSKIN, but what if they ask me to spell it?  Anyway, I wait until the alarm does its beep-beep-beep-beep thing and then quits.

I go inside, key in the stop alarm number, get my sleeve of golf balls, reset the alarm, go outside, and lock the door.

“Damn, I forgot to take the Ibuprofen.”

I go through the same alarm crap, go inside, key in the stop alarm number and remember to take my billfold; I set the alarm, go outside and lock the door.

“Damn, I forgot to take the Ibuprofen.”

One more time with the alarm, I take the Ibuprofen, reset the alarm, lock up and finally I’m off to the golf course.

I played pretty well.  My recorded score for nine holes was 45.  My actual score was 48.  My should-have-been score was 42.  Forty-two is a very good should-have-been score for me.

I go home on cloud nine, and Mrs. Cranky wants to go out to dinner. 

We pull into the restaurant and I realize I forgot my billfold.

“I don’t know what happened, you must have distracted me; I never forget my billfold.  Anyway I have been having a senior day.”

Sure, blame me.  No problem, I have a credit card with me.”

When we get home after dinner I go to where my billfold is usually kept.  It was not there.

“I know why I forgot my billfold. I always put it in my golf bag, and I forgot to take it out after I was done.”

I go out to the car and check the only two pockets in the bag I would ever use.  No billfold.

Now I am upset…I may have yelled…I may have used bad language.

“I am fucked! I had about $45, two credit cards, and my driver’s license in that billfold, not to mention all my health insurance cards.”

“Calm down, are you sure it’s not in the golf bag?”

“Yes I’m sure, I just checked, you need to drive me to the course, it may still be in the parking lot.”

“Let me check the bag.”

“It’s not in the bag, I JUST CHECKED…nothing…nada…zippo…I AM FUCKED.”

“I’m going to check the bag.”                           

“It’s not in the flaming bag!  I just double checked.  I have to cancel all my credit cards, and get a new license, and who knows what hell it will take to get my insurance stuff.  I am FUCKED!!”

I follow Mrs. Cranky out to my car.

“It’s not in the bag; you have to drive me to the course.”

This, by the way is a big deal because “Dancing With The Stars” is about to begin on the TV.

“I am Fucked!”

“No you are not, and I’m not driving you to the course.”

“Why not?”

“Because here is your billfold, it was in the pocket with your rain jacket.”

“What, I never use that pocket.”

“You did today...jerk.”

I    l  o  v  e    Mrs. Cranky.

17 comments:

  1. Who hasn't had an experience like this? Sometimes I lose my glasses only to find out I'm wearing them. Glad you got this resolves and found your billfold (you know only old people call it that) without missing DWTS.

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  2. My keys. My wallet. My cellphone. My sunglasses. Those are the four things that I misplace almost daily. The kids are used to searching for them. I can't seem set them down in the same place. And yes, I have a designated spot for them - it's called a purse. But, no matter what, those four things somehow manage to escape the purse and find their own place to hide.

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  3. Bwahahahahahahahahaha. Do you ever get anywhere on time or do you start an hour early so you can go in and out and in and out. That was funny as heck, but I've done things similar to this. I'd forget my behind if it wasn't attached.

    Have a fabulous day Cranky. My very best to your wonderful wife. ☺

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  4. Absent minded, scatter brained jerk ;-)

    BTW- I'm not just a member, I'm president

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  5. Ha ha we appear to be on the same wave length. My Monday's post is on a similar vein regarding memory. I have a special spot on the two lane road I travel to make the too often u-turns to go back home and get what I forgot. Usually it is my Kindle which I have to take to a place in town where I can get a signal for downloads. Sigh.

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  6. Ack.. the comment disappeared while I was typing. I'll try again.

    There's looking for things with man eyes. And looking for things with woman eyes. The main difference is that things are found when using woman eyes.

    And who wouldn't love Mrs. Cranky?

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  7. I may have used bad language....
    haha

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  8. Maybe you should just let Mrs. Cranky play golf for you.

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  9. I can't remember anything for long. Sticky notes (you know, those little post-its) are my back-up brain.

    LOL at you going in and out. ♪♫♪♫ You put your right foot in...♪♫♪♫

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  10. Hilarious! What does it mean that I completely relate to this story and I'm not a senior yet? In fact, I had moments like that many times when I was in my 20s!!!

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  11. I empathize. For me it's my damn work keys. I try to keep them in the same place, but they end up all over. Oh, and at least once a week I leave my phone in my desk drawer at work, and only remember after the door without outside access latches shut, which means I have to walk a circle of the entire school to get the thing. :P

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  12. Oh, man, I'm not gonna say a thing because . . . just never mind, o.k.?

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  13. Yeah, I'm not immune from senior moments myself. In fact we're getting quite chummy.

    S

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  14. Wise Mrs. Cranky to not be rattled and to continue looking for your wallet :) It sucks to have senior moments like this, but it does sound like a good day on the golf course.

    betty

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  15. Reminds me a lot of ex husband #1 who couldn't find anything even if he was looking right at it!

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  16. Lets get the priorities right here. You did make it to the golf course. That you did not forget. Bless you.

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