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Monday, September 29, 2014

I MUST BE GETTING OLD - a cranky re-run

This week's re-run is from September 2012 

They say 60 is the new fifty. Then fifty used to be fricking old. I’m sixty-six and without looking in the mirror there are many signs that I am getting old:

I used to think about sex every 10 minutes; now I have to be reminded once a week.

I used to root for the Yankees as if my life depended on it; now I think, “Wouldn’t it be nice if the Orioles won for a change.” (I KNOW!)

I used to play and practice golf at every chance I had; now it’s “maybe tomorrow.”

I used to want a fast boat, a sports car, a big house, and a ton of money; now I think all of that would involve a lot of work.

I used to want to spend more time with my kids; now an hour with a grandchild will do.

I used to wake up raring to go; now, I wake up needing to go.

I used to think new stuff was really cool; now new stuff pisses me off.

I used to get all riled up over politics; now I figure it’s someone else’s problem.

I used to bowl a lot and I hated the 10 pin; OK that hasn’t changed.

I used to think 21 was young; now a young person is anyone under 45.

I think that Meryl Streep is hot; while Lindsey Lohan is a snot.

I used to invest based on potential for big gains; now high interest rates and big dividends get me excited.

Everywhere I go I see buildings that “Used to be” something else.

When they play “Oldies but Goodies” I’ve never heard of them.

The last thing that makes me positive that I am getting old is….ah…I’ll get back to you on that one.


  1. 'now new stuff pisses me off' - cracked me up. so true.

  2. You shoulda numbered them.
    Then I could tell ya which one cracked me up.
    But I'm not gonna write down somethin' that can be used against me.

  3. Meryl hasn't pumped her face with fillers. Lindsay has. Did you know that Helen Mirren is 69?? Nice bod.

  4. "I used to wake up raring to go; now, I wake up needing to go." Unfortunately true for me, too!!

  5. I'm 63 and I'm with you on most of these. I'm still loving life though.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

  6. Oh, man, so true. I still feel like a not-quite-old person who just happens to share some of the traits of actually old people. As if.

  7. Not rooting for the Yankees means you are born again, youngster!

  8. Some days I wake up feeling young and wonderful and raring to go and then I get out of bed and all I can do is head for the bathroom.

  9. You hit those nails on the head. (Glad it's not just me....)

  10. The worst thing about getting old is that dreadful sound you make getting out of a chair.

  11. If it makes you feel any better, you are in the youth of old age. You really nailed the universal symptoms.

  12. My mom laments the loss of videotapes, which she knew how to use, and could give to my sister the ex-mayor's wife so she could catch up on her reality shows when she got back from camping trips.

  13. We never appreciated anything with our bodies until we lost the ability. Like getting up easily from the floor in our youth. Now it involves several minutes and several painful groans. I honestly don't know how it went by so incredibly fast although I'm a decade younger than you.


  14. "New stuff pisses me off" - lol!
    I just saw a photo of Meryl Streep riding the subway today, and marveled at how beautiful she looked.

  15. Haha - loved this! I can so relate!
    Except that I love spending time with the grands (I have 10 - beat you!!!) However, that being said, there are times, when I'm very very glad to walk away and let the parents deal with the whining, screeching, or puking lovely little child. LOL.
    Oldies? Those pre-date Elvis. Ha! You made me smile today!

  16. Brilliant. I wish I had thought of it first; I know I could have sold this to my editor at the Boston Herald.

  17. I'm only 45 and it's my eyes that are making me feel old. I can't see as well as I used to and that's so very annoying. Also, my hair. It's thinning! What the heck…this really sucks. I don't mind the weight gain, and I don't mind the wrinkles, but the thinning hair really bothers me.