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Wednesday, September 3, 2014



 The Crankys live in an end unit townhouse. Even though we are on the end we have two neighbors, the front door neighbors and the backdoor neighbors.  I know, I can’t figure it out either.

The front door neighbors are door slammer and heavy footed people.  When they are up and about you could swear they are in your down stairs stealing food from the refrigerator.

The back door neighbors are quiet, except when their teenagers decide to listen to whatever they call music today.  I’d complain except they seem like otherwise good kids.  I do hate that their rap “music” gets stuck in my head and I go through the day with rhymes for “Ho,” “doe (door),” “go,” “flo (floor),” “grow,” “bo (boy)” and “dough” running through my head.


Because of the creaks, bangs, clangs and rap coming from around our house, we are always careful to lock up all possible entrances, otherwise I would constantly be checking out rooms and closets to make sure the creepy noises were not coming from inside.

The testosterone step-crank does not understand this issue and never locks up after he enters or leaves the house.  If he was not a such good kid, this would cause me to wring his neck.

In addition to making sure we always lock-up, we have an alarm system which even when not set will emit a “beep, beep, beep” whenever an entrance is compromised.

Last night while in bed and waiting for Mrs. C to come home from work, I swear I heard the “beep, beep, beep.”  I waited for about five minutes for Mrs. C to climb the stairs. 


I went down stairs to check.

No one, nothing.

The door was still locked.

I went outside to see if Mrs. C’s car was in the driveway.  It was not, but the security light over the garage door which is motion activated was on.  CREEPY.

Ten minutes later Mrs. Cranky came home.  I told her of the mysterious “Beep, beep, beep.”

“There was someone in the basement,” she announced with surprising certainty.


“While you were playing golf, I was in the kitchen, and the door to the basement kept opening and closing.  I think someone was waiting for me to go upstairs so they could leave.”

“Why didn’t they leave when you went to work.”

“Because I set the motion alarm, it would go off as soon as they moved from the basement. When you came home the alarm was off, he waited until you went upstairs and then made his getaway.”

“But they would be gone, what would they care if they set off an alarm? And how was the door locked”

“I’m just saying.  And by the way that is why I want you to always leave the door to the basement open, when it opens on itself it creeps me out.” (That is a whole nother story.)

“Well how did this person get in?”

“I don’t know, is the hidden key still outside in its place?”

The scenario Mrs. C proposed was ridiculous, but she has a sixth sense that I have learned should not be dismissed.

“I’ll check.”

“Not now, you’ll let in the moths that are hanging around the outside lamp.”

“What? I’m supposed to sleep tonight after you planted the idea that someone has a key to our house that makes creepy noises all the time and I can’t check because a moth may get in?  A friggin moth? What about a creepy person?”

“You know I hate bugs in the house!”

The key was in its place.  The “beep, beep, beep” remained a mystery, one of those things you convince yourself later was just your imagination. 

Still, I slept like a baby. 

When you live in a creepy house you learn to ignore the creepiness.


  1. I never turn my alarm on. I have a dog who sees/hears EVERY THING!

  2. That would make me crazy, too--except probably wouldn't hear it!!

  3. Well that's creepy indeed. You two have such interesting lives. You really do. Then there are your conversations. Even more interesting.

    Have a terrific day. ☺

  4. Ah, yes, with fishducky on this one. I'd check, then take out my hearing aids and sleep like a baby.

  5. Hilarious! I bet you have raccoons on your porch.

    Once in awhile I think about acquiring a townhouse in Portland, but this post has set me back 5 years on that line of thinking.

  6. Your first commenter beat me to my best advice for you. Get a dog like we have. Nobody will get in, dead or alive! Sleep in heavenly peace!

  7. OK, you seriously have to get yourself out of there man.

    This is why we live on the outskirts, so the townhouse people don't get us.

  8. I also live in a townhouse but no creaking so far, thank goodness.

  9. I would never sleep again with that going on. Pretty sure I'd set up a camera.
    Maybe rent a dog??

  10. I live in a regular house, but I've heard my kitchen door open and close. Even convinced myself that it was my husband's friend from up the road who just let himself in. Nope. Open. Close. Nobody there.

    I'd think I imagined it, if it wasn't for that headless man I saw in the basement.

  11. I lived in a town home once with a super obnoxious neighbor who played music until 3 am. I made sure I called him at 6 am. Pre-caller ID.

  12. As a kid I was scared of basements and attics. My current house has neither. Or creepy noises.

    The only time I heard something loud and unexplainable, we had to investigate until I found it. It was a hook for the shower scrunchy lather thingy that had been fastened to the bathtub wall in the guest bathroom. I guess the moisture that kept the hook fastenend to the wall had dried up and the thing just popped off and fell into the tub. It took a loooooonnnnnnggggg time to figure that out!

  13. Have you asked yourself why Mrs. Cranky did not warn you that this was going on? You need to get out of that townhouse. Maybe the previous owner had an extra key made and comes back to see what he can steal! (?)

  14. im sry master cranky, most times i dont have my key on hand and i keep forgetting about the spare. it never stays in my mind.

  15. I think I lived in a haunted hause when I was growing up; there were some strange occurrences there; another story for another day.

    We have those security bars on our windows and doors; best investment hubby's parents did (hubby inherited the house on their passing). I feel totally secure, as long as everyone remembers to lock the doors. Makes it nice on those cool nights to let the air in to cool down the house.

    Those beep beeps of yours would have me a bit concerned. I think I'd be carrying a bat around for a bit.


  16. Makes me glad I don't have a basement. I love that creepy house image you have up there.

  17. I cannot stand the type of music that the teens listen to today! (if it can be called music)

  18. Hilarious post! When I lived in a trailer they told us that it takes about a year for one to "settle" I used to swear I could hear the cinder blocks settling. I can only imagine living in a townhome. In a trailer park only about 6 ft of yard separates each trailer. I used to be able to hear the beer bottles rattle in the neighbors fridge! :)

  19. By some trick of the light or something when you walk from my garden towards the back door your reflection in the dining room window walks in the opposite direction - it really freaked me out the first couple of times it happened to me!


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