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Friday, February 28, 2014

The Problem With Marriage

The Problem With Marriage

I am a two time loser, so looking to a cranky old man for the answer to the problem with marriage is akin to asking W.C. Fields the secret to being a teetotaler (giyp.) Still, I never let a lack of knowledge or facts keep me from an opinion.

The biggest problem with marriage today is spouses feeling un- appreciated…neither husband nor wife feels appreciated.  Why?  Because neither person ever sees what the F*ck the other one does all day.

The stay-at-home-wife (or husband…jeeze, relax, I am going to be sexist here so just deal with it) gets up in the morning and tends to children, breakfast, school, and all that stuff while the go-to-work-husband  showers, shaves and dresses for work.

He does not see his wife working, she does not see him prepping for work.

Husband leaves after pecking said SAHW on cheek.  Wife cleans noses of snot and tables of dried oatmeal and squishy banana.  

Husband returns home ten hours later, tie askew and hair ruffled.  Kids are scrubbed and ready for bed, the house is clean and mounds of clothes cleaned, folded and put away.  He pours a drink, kicks off his shoes and asks what is for dinner.

He does not see the vomit clean-up, the poopy diapers, the spilled milk.  He does not hear the crying.  He knows nothing of grocery shopping with multiple kids and battling with other wives with multiple kids.  Husband assumes she has fed some kids, washed some dishes and then watched Dr. Phil all day.  He expects some affection and appreciation.

Wife never sees husband’s horrible train commute cramped with smelly disgusting flu infected train passengers.  She does not see him taking shit from unrealistic customers or kissing the asses of his stupid bosses.  Wife assumes husband reads the paper on a relaxing train ride, then has coffee, talks with coworkers about last night’s game, enjoys a wonderful lunch with a customer, writes a report or two and then takes that relaxing train trip home.  Wife is irritated that he can relax and not even appreciate all she has done to care for the children and maintain the house.

This is the bane of modern marriage.  In the old traditional agrarian society, both spouses knew what the other did all day. 

The husband left for the fields while his wife was milking cows, feeding chickens and also tending to the children.  He could see this from the fields.  She brought his lunch out to his tractor.  He appreciated all she did.  He felt loved.

When the wife felt put-out from all her work, she could see her husband toiling and sweating out in the fields as she glanced out the window while making bread in the hot oven.  She appreciated his hard work for her and the family.  She felt loved. 

This is why farmers had so many children.

The solution to marriage in today’s world?  Technology.

Give the husband video access to the home.  Give the wife video access to the office.  When either spouse feels put-out, they just have to look up at the monitor and see their other half cleaning vomit and shit, or kissing a boss’s ass and getting beat up by a nasty customer.  They will appreciate the sacrifices they make for each other. 

They will feel loved. 

Problem solved.


  1. And have him see all the time I spend blogging.. no thanks! Fun post. :)

  2. Now THAT would be a true benefit of technology~

  3. You know you are on to something here. Yes you are.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

  4. I think I kinda like that idea. Although I'm the "stay at home" at the present time (and for a few years now) so I think I'd want those cameras placed *strategically*, if you know what I mean?
    Not in this room necessarily...

  5. You make a powerful observation--it is about feeling loved. No one in a relationship should feel like a victim. Each person should feel like a partner in an equal relationship.

  6. Hah - I think you overrate the appreciation of agrarian society. My parents were farmers and both worked hard in the field and the barn. And when that farm work was done, they would come into the house, where my father would sit down to read the paper while waiting for meals to be prepared (by my mother).

    I remember one time my father had to fill out some sort of survey. For his job, he put down "farmer." For my mother's job, he put down "n/a."

    I think this led to the biggest fight ever in my parents' marriage. You are so right about this "unappreciated" thing!

  7. This is strange but I mostly agree with you. Scary.

  8. I think the unappreciated thing only holds water if the marriage is an equal partnership and both parties are pulling their weight.

    When you have one side staying at home doing nothing- as in the house & yard being a wreck of the Hesperus and looking as one detective put it "Like a bomb went off in here", then yeah, I agree with feeling unappreciated. Been there, lived it and won't ever go back down that road again.

  9. Hello old friend! It's Melynda. I have a new blog now. Anyway, Loved this post. You were right on. :) I think There is def misunderstanding between men and women as to what goes on during their days. I think a lack of communication is also a huge issue, and that couples need to take a few minutes to themselves as soon as the spouse comes home.

  10. And when we're all retired and the SAH has the train rider lounging about all day, offering better solutions to long solved problems, the real fun commences.

  11. In this town, there is a very upscale neighborhood. I never thought I would make friends there. I met this woman during circle time when our kids were in first grade. She was from that neighborhood. One day she said, "My parents were farm kids...they had me when they where 14!" I liked her much better after that.

  12. Sigh - - the uses of technology.

    How about sending in for the tapes taken at work? Slacking and or flirting with the girls?

  13. Part of the problem is that "work" is often equated with "pay."

  14. That could actually long as hubby doesn't look up to see wifey sipping gin while watching Dr Phil and wifey doesn't look up to see hubby hugging the secretary (maybe only because her boyfriend dumped her again)

  15. I agree that there needs to be respect on both sides. I'm not sure I could handle a lifestyle where my spouse us with me 24/7, like on a farm. Sometimes, you need a breather!


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