THE CRANKY OLD MAN
Random thoughts and stuff from a cranky old man. Humor (maybe)and satire, mostly stuff from a confused head.
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Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Mrs. C and I
went to Friendly’s today, after a visit to the doctor.I ordered a BLT.It wasn’t just a BLT though, it was:
“Perfectly grilled applewood smoked bacon
merged with crisp iceberg lettuce, fresh ripe red tomato, all on delicious,
perfectly toasted sourdough bread with just the right amount of mayo.”
I would have described the BLT as:
“Bacon, lettuce and tomato on toast, with
mayo if you want.”
think I would be a very good menu writer, and yet:
Why is bacon
today always “Applewood smoked bacon?” What is so friggin special about
If I order a
sandwich with lettuce, I sort of just expect it to be crisp.
“Oh I’m sorry sir did
you order crisp lettuce?We charge extra
for crisp, most of our customers prefer limp lettuce.”
tomatoes are red, aren’t they? Because when I order something with tomatoes I
don’t believe I need to request, “red, not green” do I?And really, if the tomato is not fresh please
just tell me you are all out of tomatoes.
I have to
question the perfectly toasted bread thing.What is perfect?Can I have it my
way?Lightly toasted, or toasted golden
brown or burnt to a crisp if I want…I’ll tell you what is perfectly toasted!
hell is the just right amount of mayo?Can I
decide, or is there a mayo standard?How
about putting a blob of mayo on the side and I’ll decide what is the perfect
pisses me off at a restaurant; al dente pasta!I like my pasta soft and limp (don’t even go there Scott P.) Is there some rule that pasta has to be al dente? I
think people order pasta al dente just because it sounds sophisticated and
worldly.I don’t care, I’m old.When I order my pasta I ask, “And boil the
crap outa it, I like it limp and mushy.”
to be Swiss or American.I always just
like Velveeta.I know it is not really
cheese, but is a “cheese like product.”Cheese
today seems to suddenly always be Asiago Cheese.Sometimes they even call it “The” Asiago
cheese like it is something everyone demands but is so difficult to find.Did they just invent Asiago cheese?
I love this
running some specials today.” Today’s restaurant
special is yesterday’s crap that didn’t sell out.
and names are what push the product at a restaurant.
Chilean sea bass.I’m not so sure I
would order the “Patagonian Toothfish.”