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Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Rules for eating at the beach

Rules for eating at the beach



I am currently down on the fabulous New Jersey Shore for a few weeks vacation.  I know, I’m retired so vacation from what?  Because I can…


I was perusing the internet and I could not pass up this article from “The Daily Meal” whatever that publication is.  The article was

Rules For Eating At The Beach

I will be going to the beach every day, so I should make sure I know the rules for eating at the beach.  I have been going to the shore all my life.  I have been eating at the beach all my life; I hope I haven’t broken any eating at the beach rules.  Well according to “The Daily Meal” here are the rules:

1.     Do not feed the sea gulls.

Who knew?  I am so glad I learned this rule.  Now I know that if you feed the gulls they will descend upon you by the hundreds and they will steal all your food and shit on your head.  Makes sense…ok I’ll follow this rule. 

Well actually I have never fed the sea gulls on the beach even without knowing it was a rule.  I have never fed them because I’m pretty sure that if you do they will descend upon you by the hundreds and steal all your food and shit on your head.

2.    Ice Cream

Don’t take ice cream in a cooler; it probably won’t stay cold enough for very long.

This is a rule?  This is not a rule, this is common sense.  Only an idiot would pack ice cream in a cooler to take to the beach.  In all my years of going to the beach I have never heard of or seen anyone pack ice cream in a cooler.  That is probably why every beach in New Jersey has an ice cream guy hawking ice cream up and down the beach all day long.  #2 probably does not have to be a rule.

3.    Find a Good Parking Spot

Weather solo or in a group find a spot close to the water, but away from garbage.  Garbage attracts sea gulls.

Another great rule.  Imagine going to the beach and going close to the water…what a great idea, and staying away from garbage! Terrific rule.  All these are great rules and very informative. 

I am, however, surprised that there are only three rules.  I think they left out some important rules.  Such as:


Just because it is a sandwich, don’t put sand on it.


Do not go swimming with a hotdog.


Don’t feed the Great White Sharks.


There, now I think all of the rules for eating at the beach are covered.  So go all you beach lovers, enjoy eating at the beach






  1. Enjoy your vacation, Joeh! It would be an idea to have some 'do's' in the rules -- like take water, some salty food and white cover-ups -- and remember the umbrella!

  2. In my experience seagulls don't generally wait for you to feed them, they are quite happy to swoop down and steal the food from your hand. Maybe, don't forget to take a baseball bat to beat off the seagulls could be added to the list? Don't forget to have a great holiday Joe :-)

  3. As a fellow beach vacationer (Cape May and Myrtle Beach), I know of what you speak. Enjoy your stay and don't get sand in your laptop or whatever techy gadget you have to keep up with the blogs. :)

    Hilton Head for us this year. It will be my first time there.

  4. You don't even have to feed the seagulls for them to descend upon you in the hundreds and steal your food.

    Parking at the beach always makes me think of the epside of Aqua Tenn Hunger Force when Meatwad describes his favourite video game, Clamdigger: "Y'all gotta race down to the beach with your buckets and your shovels.
    And the object of the game is to find parking."

    Enjoy your time at the beach! I'm counting the days to my LBI holiday.

  5. Thank you for pointing out that I shouldn't feed the Great White Sharks. Not knowing this could have caused me some problems.

  6. HA! What a fun post!

    Don't forget: it isn't a good idea to share your sandwich with a sea nettle, either.

    Enjoy your vacation! How does a retiree know the difference between a day on vacation and any other day? When we're on vacation, we usually set an alarm clock.

  7. Love this post.

    And I don't know about your beaches, but I know I have spent half my vacation looking for a would have gladly taken one next to a garbage can if one such had appeared.

    Have a great vacation, my dear.

  8. Enjoy the beach and obey the rules. If you could combine them, you might be able to sell some T-shirts and caps like the Don't Eat Yellow Snow people.

    "Don't Feed Seagulls Ice Cream in the Parking Lot."

  9. However did we cope before seeing these rules?! Hope you have a fab time at the beach and keep away from those seagulls, Joe. I read somewhere that they steal your food and shit on your head. :-)

  10. It's pretty sad when there have to be written rules to tell you to not hang out around garbage. DUH! Common sense isn't that common any more.


  11. Ditto on the seagull crap, Joe. I spent some time at a beach in Corpus Christi in Texas and wow, they are baaad! Have a great vacation!


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