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Thursday, July 21, 2011

I SHOULDN’T BE ALIVE II

I SHOULDN’T BE ALIVE PART II

More stuff from my youth that should have done me in.  It is a miracle that I am still above ground:

Kids today are coddled.  Parents watch their every move.  They are practically covered with bubble wrap before they are allowed to go outside and play.  Riding a bike on the street is not allowed, and anything remotely dangerous is done under the supervision of a parent.  When I look back at my own childhood and compare it to today’s parenting I realize –
I SHOULDN’T BE ALIVE!!

I used to hitchhike to school.

I breathed my Dad’s second hand cigarette smoke in the house and car for 20 years.

I once talked to a stranger.

I rocked back on my chair at dinner.

I jump started a car by connecting the negative post of both batteries instead of to the good battery and grounded metal on the dead car (or is it the other way?)

I sat too close to the TV.

I once crossed the street when the sign said “don’t walk.”

I retrieved balls stuck in the gutter by shinning up the drainpipe.

I went outside during a blizzard even though I did not have to.

I never watch for falling rocks even when a sign tells me to!

I used to run behind the mosquito control trucks because I liked the smell of the DDT mist!

Even though the bridge freezes before the road, I don’t care I drive the same.

I mixed apples with oranges.

I played with toys that had small pieces.

I took a Tylenol and then operated heavy machinery.

I talked on the phone during a thunderstorm.

I stuck a fork in the toaster to pull out an English muffin.

I ate unwrapped candy and fruit that I collected on Halloween.

I ignored “slippery when wet signs.”

I rode my bike at night without a light or reflectors.

I played golf after waiting only 5 minutes after hearing thunder.

I poured gasoline over wet leaves to burn them.  (They burned really fast, and so did my eyebrows.)

I ate peanuts, got stung by a bee and went out in the winter without zipping my coat.

Of course I never texted or talked on a phone while driving.  I never met strangers that flirted with me on the internet.  I never bungee jumped. Safe sex was not getting caught by her old man.  I never knew anyone who owned a gun, carried a knife, or offered me drugs.  Kids didn’t get abducted, there was no AIDS, food did not cause salmonella, nut jobs didn’t poison over-the-counter drugs, kids in trenchcoats didn’t shoot students at school, and fanatics did not fly planes into buildings. 

Maybe things used to be a little safer when I was young.
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