Thursday, July 21, 2011
I SHOULDN’T BE ALIVE II
I SHOULDN’T BE ALIVE PART II
More stuff from my youth that should have done me in. It is a miracle that I am still above ground:
Kids today are coddled. Parents watch their every move. They are practically covered with bubble wrap before they are allowed to go outside and play. Riding a bike on the street is not allowed, and anything remotely dangerous is done under the supervision of a parent. When I look back at my own childhood and compare it to today’s parenting I realize –
I SHOULDN’T BE ALIVE!!
I used to hitchhike to school.
I breathed my Dad’s second hand cigarette smoke in the house and car for 20 years.
I once talked to a stranger.
I rocked back on my chair at dinner.
I jump started a car by connecting the negative post of both batteries instead of to the good battery and grounded metal on the dead car (or is it the other way?)
I sat too close to the TV.
I once crossed the street when the sign said “don’t walk.”
I retrieved balls stuck in the gutter by shinning up the drainpipe.
I went outside during a blizzard even though I did not have to.
I never watch for falling rocks even when a sign tells me to!
I used to run behind the mosquito control trucks because I liked the smell of the DDT mist!
Even though the bridge freezes before the road, I don’t care I drive the same.
I mixed apples with oranges.
I played with toys that had small pieces.
I took a Tylenol and then operated heavy machinery.
I talked on the phone during a thunderstorm.
I stuck a fork in the toaster to pull out an English muffin.
I ate unwrapped candy and fruit that I collected on Halloween.
I ignored “slippery when wet signs.”
I rode my bike at night without a light or reflectors.
I played golf after waiting only 5 minutes after hearing thunder.
I poured gasoline over wet leaves to burn them. (They burned really fast, and so did my eyebrows.)
I ate peanuts, got stung by a bee and went out in the winter without zipping my coat.
Of course I never texted or talked on a phone while driving. I never met strangers that flirted with me on the internet. I never bungee jumped. Safe sex was not getting caught by her old man. I never knew anyone who owned a gun, carried a knife, or offered me drugs. Kids didn’t get abducted, there was no AIDS, food did not cause salmonella, nut jobs didn’t poison over-the-counter drugs, kids in trenchcoats didn’t shoot students at school, and fanatics did not fly planes into buildings.
Maybe things used to be a little safer when I was young.
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