JUNE TWEETS

JUNE TWEETS

OK, I am low on material so here are my June tweets.  Why won’t you follow me?  Oh yes here is why:

My son tells me I am never wrong, sometimes I just don't use the right words.

 If gay marriage is not legal, can a gay man still marry a lesbian?  

Why do cowboy hats make men look stupid and women look sexy?

Why follow a blog just to get a follower? Follow if you like, but I’m not interested in "knitting with Sally".  

Some nimrod just said he liked my blog but he didn’t like my self- promoting. How did you find it jerkweed?

I miss my ex-wife.  I miss walking on egg shells I miss being called an FN asshole I miss eating glass. I do like having my dick back!

Stella Artois is a great beer, and it tastes almost the same and almost as good as Miller High Life at twice the price!
 
Why do you fish for fluke but eat flounder? What the fuck is the difference?
 
As I get older, the thought of being Pampered is taking on new meaning.
 
Whenever I am feeling low and inferior, I watch the Jerry Springer Show!
 
I'll match dried oatmeal vs. Superglue for sticking power anytime.

No smokes for 6 months. Damn! Now I have to figure out how to stretch my retirement funds another 5 yrs!

Hey Dr. Phil, yes a pancake always has 2 sides but one side is usually a f***ing liar!!!

Everyone that bought the farm on 5/21/2011 died thinking Harold Camping was right!!
 
Why do TV weather reporters need to be Meteorologists?  They just read the National Weather Service reports!
 
25 minutes behind coupon lady in the express line! Why do 30 cans of tuna = one Fucking item?

The new Aflac duck sucks! Bring back Gilbert Gottfried.

Note to skinny ladies: If your butt cheeks never touch, you just might be anorexic!

Free estimate? When or why would anyone pay for an estimate?
 
Went to AC and hit it big! One lucky machine hit every time I played the same 4 numbers! Go to Borgata and look for the machine marked ATM.

If a tree falls in the forest and lands on your ass, would you hear it?
 
In a fight between a sadist and a masochist, who would win?

Does playing footsie with someone make you solemates?

I went to apply for a job that said "must be honest" but I couldn't lie!   

I think if we gave every woman in the world a crown and a beauty pageant title we would have world peace!
 
I hate it when I stub my toe and have no one to blame!

To the nimrod that opened his door into my parked jeep; yup my FN key slipped...a LOT!!
For more stuff buy "Maybe It's Just Me!" @rosedogbooks.com or Amazon http://adf.ly/1MJqD
Follow on twitter @JoeHagyauthor