HOUSE WARS

HOUSE WARS

Every relationship goes through battles over silly shit.  Sometimes these battles get out of hand and relationships are destroyed.  Most times a hard and fast rule is established or a compromise is reached.  The following are the most common causes of HOUSE WARS!!

Do knives go pointy side up or pointy side down in the dishwasher?

Pro – Pointy side up assures the business end is thoroughly cleaned.

Con – Pointy side up can cause the dish unloader to stab him/her self.

Answer – Pointy side up!

Should the toilet seat be left up or down?

Pro – Leave the seat up.  If left down there may be pee on the seat when beer drinkers cannot see in the middle-of-the-night.

Con – Put the seat down, otherwise wine sippers might fall in the bowl because they cannot see in the middle-of-the-night!  

Answer – Put the seat down.  Even in a bachelor pad, put the seat down.  Women feel very strongly about this one!

Should toilet paper be loaded over the top, or under the bottom?

Pro – Over the top assures no germs from the wall are on the toilet paper.

Con – Who the fuck cares!

Answer – Over the top.  Women care!

Roll socks up into a ball, or just put them away paired off?

Pro – They never get lost rolled up.

Con – Rolling up into a ball stretches them out.

Answer – Roll up the men’s, pair off the women’s.  This one calls for a compromise.

Can you put Tupperware in the dishwasher?

Pro – Of course you can

Con – The dishwasher ruins the whoosh!

Answer – Yes, if your wife is not looking; otherwise definitely not!

Should the BRBQ be covered when not in use?

Pro – The cover keeps the rain out and it looks neat.

Con – The cover keeps moisture inside the BRBQ and rusts out the insides.

Answer – Do not cover the grill.

Should dishes be hand dried or can you just let them air dry?

Pro – They will dry just fine, do not waste time hand drying.

Con – Hand drying assures there will be no spotting.

Answer – Women are allowed to let dishes air dry.  Men must always hand dry the dishes. (I don’t know why…just fucking do it!!)

Should your wife be allowed to sleep with other men?

Pro – She may want to.

Con – I don’t think so!

Answer – I still say no, but I am 0 for 2 on this one!

Should the man be allowed to hold the remote control?

Pro – Men will flip through all channels so you never see a commercial.

Con – Men will flip through all channels so you will never see all of a show.

Answer – Give him the remote.  Without the controller his whining will not allow you to see all of a show anyway.

Can you leave a bedroom window slightly open in the winter?

Pro – Leaving the window open a crack allows fresh air in and keeps you from getting migraine headaches.

Con – Leaving the window open a crack lets out warm air and causes more expensive heating bills.

Answer – Let her sleep with another man, open the fucking window and get rid of all of your headaches!

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