BOARDWALK RIDES - a cranky re-run

Still on a change of venue; here is a re-run from last years Jersey Shore experience

BOARDWALK RIDES

I can’t let my Jersey Shore vacation go without a blog on Boardwalk Rides.  If I haven’t mentioned it, I hate these rides.  Even the rides for three year olds - little cars that travel in a circle and the baby swings, don’t look safe to me.  If these rides are safe, the operators with three teeth and the “I Don’t Give A Fuck” tattoos on their forehead make me nervous.

Each ride has a height requirement.  You stand by a ruler and if you are below one line you cannot go on the ride.  Up one line and you can go if you are with an adult.  If you are above that line you are good to go without restrictions.  I think they should have a fourth line.  If you are above 5’ 8” it should say:

“Are you sure you want to do this, maybe it’s time to do grown up shit!”

Each ride also displays the following warning:

No Alcohol permitted, enter with caution if you are pregnant or have a heart condition, failing to follow the attendant’s instructions or acting in a dangerous manner can result in a $500 fine and or imprisonment.

Well damn!  If I can’t go on the “Himalaya” without a flask of bourbon I am not going! 

If you are pregnant or have a heart condition should you enter with caution or just STAY THE FUCK OFF?  I’m pretty sure entering is not the problem; I don’t think caution will make a difference.

I’ll follow the attendant’s instructions, but within reason.  The guy has three teeth and an “I Don’t Give A Fuck” tattoo for Christmas sake!

Could anything be more embarrassing than doing time in the BIG HOUSE for riding the Tilt-a-Whirl in a dangerous manner?

BUBBA: “I lit my girlfriend on fire ‘cause she pissed me off!  What’re you in for?”

Me: AH….I stuck my hands out too far on the Tilt-a Whirl.

I am just going to stay off the rides thank you very much!