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Tuesday, October 7, 2014

SIGNS, SIGNS


SIGNS, SIGNS, EVERYWHERE ARE SIGNS


At a stop light today, I looked to my right and saw a car with a sticker that said. “I don’t text and drive.” I thought to myself, “Isn’t that wonderful.”  Another slogan to add to the long list of signs attached to cars to let the rest of the driving world know how wonderful and superior you are.

Here is a short list of bumper propaganda that is like sandpaper on my testicles.

Caution, baby on board: So when I see this I should slow down and be extra cautious because you have a baby on board?  I drive pretty much the same way whether you have a baby on board, or a cute cocker spaniel.

I love my...: Thank you so much for letting me know that you love your puppy/cat/bird/whatever because it is very important to me to know that.

Proud parent of an honor roll student: Well WHOOP-TEE-FRIGGIN-DOO!  Pretty much all kids have to do these days is show up at least four days a week and they will make the honor roll, get a trophy, a juice box and a gluten free cookie.

My kid can kick your honor roll kids butt: Funny, but not very nice…no juice box and cookie for you!

Honk if you love Jesus:  Sorry, I spoke to Jesus last night, he said stop the unnecessary horn blasting.

This car climbed Mt. Washington: That’s quite an accomplishment, but why should anyone care?

Stick figures of the family: Don’t even get me started…congratulations, you have a wife, kids and a dog…pull over, I have a juice box and a cookie for you.

I think I’m going to plaster my car with stickers:

Caution old fart at the wheel.

I brake for old people with walkers.

Animals that try and run under my tires deserve to die.

I hardly ever beat my wife.

I love my lactose, gluten and sugar.

Honk if you want me to flip you the bird.


Oh, and I don't care how many bumper stickers you have telling me how to vote, it prbably won't influence my vote very much.

17 comments:

  1. Why not just get one made that says 'You make me want to sandpaper my testicles - yes, I'm talking to YOU jerk'

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  2. No bumper stickers ever on any of my vehicles. But I must admit I do have fun reading some of them even stupid ones. Especially when stopped at lights - helps pass the time.

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  3. don't text and drive - just distract other drivers w/ your bumper stickers...

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  4. I don't have any BS* on my car.
    The best one I ever saw said - Life's too short to dance with ugly women.


    *Bumper Stickers

    ReplyDelete
  5. I don't have any bumper stickers on my car either, but I've seen some pretty funny ones.

    Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

    CAUTION! - Driver legally blonde!

    I can go from 0 to BITCH in 2.5 seconds

    My other bumper sticker is funny.

    My other car is a broom

    My other car is also a piece of junk

    So many pedestrians. So little time.

    Heavily medicated for your safety.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

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  6. 'Princess on board' is the one that makes me grit my teeth over here. Where's the motorcade?

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  7. I must admit, occasionally I get too close, trying to read Sandee's bumper stickers.

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  8. I am sticker free and proud of it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The honor roll student part made me laugh out loud.

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  9. I gotta vote that you get that last bumper sticker. :-)

    Pearl

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  10. My, you really ARE cranky, aren't you?

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  11. Yes, as C/T said, you certainly lived up to your nom de plume.

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  12. I have no bumper stickers, but I dream of slapping one on there that says: GET OFF MY ASS!

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  13. The only sign I've ever considered attaching to my car was a bumper sticker that read: Jesus, please protect me from your followers.

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  14. "Honk if you love Jesus" I agree with Jesus on this one, stop all the honking!
    What about the ones that say "have you found Jesus?" to which my kids always said "is he lost AGAIN?"

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  15. Only bumper sticker I would consider putting on the van is "My corgi is smarter than your honor student" because in truth, he probably is :)

    betty

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  16. I, too, am anti-BS. But I have considered one that says "If you are going to rear-end me, I prefer it at 35 mph instead of the speed limit."

    ReplyDelete

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