THE CRANKY OLD MAN
Random thoughts and stuff from a cranky old man. Humor (maybe)and satire, mostly stuff from a confused head.
I intend for this blog to be non-political. If I offer a political statement, rebuttals are permitted, however this blog is not for the unsolicited political opinions of others and as such those comments will be deleted and not published.
NEW AND IMPROVED
This blog is now sugar FREE, fat FREE, gluten FREE, all ORGANIC and all NATURAL!!
Thursday, October 9, 2014
IN CASE OF MY DEMISE
IN CASE OF MY DEMISE
I’m not sure
why, but I think Mrs. C is trying to kill me.I may be a jerk, but I don’t think that should be a capital offense.
There is a
deathtrap in our bedroom!
disguised as a piece of exercise equipment but it is in fact a deathtrap.It has never been used as a piece of exercise
equipment so it must serve this other nefarious purpose.
equipment” is a “stomach toner.”It has
toned zero stomachs.
This is the
Mrs. Cranky's deathtrap
located just off the front bedroom windows.It is at a level that is easy to not see.It has legs exactly at ankle level.
Here is the most devious part of the deathtrap…the seat swivels.
Deathtrap seat in full swivel
“Joe, it’s hot in here, could you
open some windows?”
around the deathtrap and open both windows.
“Check this out; you won’t believe
how ugly this brides dress is!”
The TV which
is tuned to “Four Weddings” (I know!) is several yards away from the death trap
and on a slight angle.Not wanting to
miss an ugly wedding dress (I know!) I quickly turn from the windows and step
to where I can see the TV.
hits the ankle-grabbing deathtrap leg and sends my upper body forward while my
lower body is unable to move as it is caught in the deathtrap ankle-grabber.
No reason to
panic, as there is a seat I can grab and hold onto in order to regain my
I grab the
seat, and the seat, as it has been cleverly designed to do, swivels in the
direction of my sprawling body allowing for absolute zero resistance to break my fall.
“WHAT THE FUCK!!”
deathtrap has also been set from the bed, the exact distance of a 5’10” man’s
falling body length so that his (my) forehead will smash into the solid oak bed
I think not.
this 68 year old man still has enough flexibility along with the reflexes of a
cat…a very, very old cat to be sure, to be able to tuck and roll and barely
avoid the intended fate of the deathtrap.Still, a slightly overweight sixty-eight year old man falling hard is
not a pretty sight.
not broken I immediately told Mrs. Cranky,
“This piece of shit has got to go
before it kills someone!”
“No way; I need that to keep my girlish
“When have you ever used it?”
“Well I plan to use it.”
“It’s been there for five years and
almost killed me three times.Could we
at least put it in the basement?”
“If it’s in the basement I’ll never
“You never use it now!”
“But I plan to use it, and it’s
staying right where it is, just learn to step around it.”
happens to me, don’t believe Mrs. Cranky…accident hell!