I Shouldn’t Be Alive III
As I watch the 6 o’clock news, and read the latest expert surveys on the internet it becomes more and more clear that for many reasons:
I SHOULDN”T BE ALIVE
I drank from communal water fountains and garden hoses
I jump started a car hooking pos to pos and neg to neg
I ate peanut butter
I used handrails without using Purell
I used J+J Baby Oil to “Tan Faster”
I drove without a seatbelt
I dove in the shallow end
I ran with scissors
I ate really fast
I operated heavy machinery while on Alka-Seltzer Plus
I watched TV from way up close
I swallowed “Pop Rocks” with soda.
I didn’t eat all my vegetables
I drove with my ex-wife drive while she was having “an incident.” (Throwing a shit fit!)
I struck a match without closing the cover
I took an aspirin that was past the expiration date
I doubled the recommended dose of Ibuprofen to battle a really bad hangover.
I played with mercury from a broken thermometer.
For more reasons I should not be above ground see:
I Shouldn’t Be Alive
I Shouldn’t Be Alive II