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Friday, June 22, 2012

The Smoke Detector - A cranky re-run

Taking a cranky day off and heading for the shore, here is a cranky re-run

The Smoke Detector


The other day my breakfast was ruined as every 30 seconds an annoying beep came from the basement family room.  I traced the annoying beep to a smoke detector in the basement. 

“Why is it f***ing beeping?”  I demanded of my more patient wife.  “The battery must be low,” came the calm response.

“The BATTERY? WTF, the thing is hard wired!”

“In case of a power shortage there is a battery as a back-up.  When the battery is low it beeps to warn you.”

“Really.  What happens if there is a power failure, the battery is low, but the beep function is defective?  We will all die!”

“Just change the battery……you’re a jerk.

After much twisting, turning and prying, I managed to take down the detector and change the battery.  I twisted and turned back locking the device in the ceiling and retreated upstairs with a satisfied grin.

Beep Beep!  “FUCK! I thought you said it was the battery.”

“That new battery is a couple of years old; it must not be any good.  Go out and get a new 9 volt and stop whining.  You’re a jerk.

The wife is almost never wrong on stuff like this, so I went to the hardware store for a new battery.  Forty-five minutes later I was back.  After much twisting, turning and prying, I managed to take down the detector and change the battery.  I twisted and turned it back locking the device in the ceiling and retreated upstairs with a satisfied grin.

Beep Beep! 

“FUCK! I thought you said it was the battery.”

“Are you sure you changed it correctly?  What a jerk!

“YES!!

Beep Beep.

Now I was really pissed.  After much twisting, turning and prying I pulled down the offending detector (again) and unplugged it from the hard wiring.

Beep Beep.

WTF!  I yanked out the battery.

Beep Beep.

Now I was really angry.  I ran to the garage, grabbed a hammer, and smashed the smoke detector to bits.  Silence.

“What did you do?”

“I busted the freaking thing up, that beep was driving me nuts.”

“That’s a short trip! Jerk.

Sweaty but satisfied that the battle was over I was again jolted by that annoying sound. 

Beep Beep.

I trudged downstairs hammer in hand ready to destroy.  Destroy what I did not know.  I stared at the hole in the ceiling and waited. 

Beep Beep. 

It was not coming from the ceiling.  Listening carefully I traced the sound.

Beep Beep.

Found it!  It was a Carbon Monoxide detector in the corner.  One of three in the room left by the former owner!  No carbon monoxide was going to get passed this basement un-noticed.  The freaking thing was just defective.  It is now defective about thirty yards into the woods where I chucked it.  Problem solved!

You’re a jerk!   

6 comments:

  1. You, sir, have entered my pantheon of Gods. I have also rendered a smoke detector unable to reproduce, so I salute you as a fellow sensible man.

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  2. Haha! Great story. We've all been there. Mine however tend to start beeping at 3 in the morning. And my house had about 10 of the damn things. (I won't burn up...I'll just go mad!)

    S

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  3. I don't believe it
    The low battery alert went off in the day time? Or, were you eating breakfast in the middle of the night?

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  4. sounds like how i would have handle the issue. :D

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  5. How amazing.......you must be living my life.
    I had exactly the same experience recently only I did not smash the smoke detector to smithereens......
    just left it dangling when I finally realized that the problem was the damned carbon monoxide detector.
    Garhhhhhh!
    Damn....you beat me to the blog.
    Nicely done, by the way.

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  6. Please don't mention this to the authorities, but there's a smoke detector buried in a shallow grave in my backyard. It just might have my fingerprints on it.

    ReplyDelete

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