Taking a cranky day off and heading for the shore, here is a cranky re-run
The Smoke Detector
The Smoke Detector
The other day my breakfast was ruined as every 30 seconds an annoying beep came from the basement family room. I traced the annoying beep to a smoke detector in the basement.
“Why is it f***ing beeping?” I demanded of my more patient wife. “The battery must be low,” came the calm response.
“The BATTERY? WTF, the thing is hard wired!”
“In case of a power shortage there is a battery as a back-up. When the battery is low it beeps to warn you.”
“Really. What happens if there is a power failure, the battery is low, but the beep function is defective? We will all die!”
“Just change the battery……you’re a jerk.”
After much twisting, turning and prying, I managed to take down the detector and change the battery. I twisted and turned back locking the device in the ceiling and retreated upstairs with a satisfied grin.
Beep Beep! “FUCK! I thought you said it was the battery.”
“That new battery is a couple of years old; it must not be any good. Go out and get a new 9 volt and stop whining. You’re a jerk.”
The wife is almost never wrong on stuff like this, so I went to the hardware store for a new battery. Forty-five minutes later I was back. After much twisting, turning and prying, I managed to take down the detector and change the battery. I twisted and turned it back locking the device in the ceiling and retreated upstairs with a satisfied grin.
“FUCK! I thought you said it was the battery.”
“Are you sure you changed it correctly? What a jerk!”
Now I was really pissed. After much twisting, turning and prying I pulled down the offending detector (again) and unplugged it from the hard wiring.
WTF! I yanked out the battery.
Now I was really angry. I ran to the garage, grabbed a hammer, and smashed the smoke detector to bits. Silence.
“What did you do?”
“I busted the freaking thing up, that beep was driving me nuts.”
“That’s a short trip! Jerk.”
Sweaty but satisfied that the battle was over I was again jolted by that annoying sound.
I trudged downstairs hammer in hand ready to destroy. Destroy what I did not know. I stared at the hole in the ceiling and waited.
It was not coming from the ceiling. Listening carefully I traced the sound.
Found it! It was a Carbon Monoxide detector in the corner. One of three in the room left by the former owner! No carbon monoxide was going to get passed this basement un-noticed. The freaking thing was just defective. It is now defective about thirty yards into the woods where I chucked it. Problem solved!
“You’re a jerk!”