STUPID HEADLINES 030820
Oh, "a"...never mind.
This weeks unusual headlines and my stupid, sometimes sophomoric comments.
Jack
Welch's rise to the top began with listening to his mother – So, if you want to be successful, wear clean underwear.
Pass-rusher
Ngakoue no longer wants to re-sign with Jaguars – It would be easier to sign that name
than to pronounce it.
Pigeons
cause havoc in airplane after getting stuck in cabin before take-off – Almost another outbreak of bird flew.
BP
refinery worker wins job back after parodying company with popular Hitler meme
– I wonder why
parodying your company with a Hitler meme would get you re-hired?
Vegan
runner asks neighbors to close windows when cooking meat with 'offensive' odor – I know what she means, I can’t even
go out on my deck when my neighbors are steaming broccoli.
Canadian
boy, 8, wins $200 worth of cannabis products at youth hockey tournament – I realize I am old and set in my
ways, but I have to say this just seems inappropriate to me.
A man
brought a llama to his sister's wedding – The invitation said BYOL.
Thief
used a fishing rod to steal a Versace necklace – He used a Supermodel as bait.
Driver
crashes into river 10 minutes after getting his license – Why would they give anyone a license
to crash into a river?
William
Shatner awarded horse semen in his divorce settlement – WOW, William Shatner must have used
the same divorce lawyer I had!
Bill Clinton says he had affair
with Monica Lewinsky to ‘manage my anxieties’ – Nothing like screwing around behind your wife’s back
to calm anxieties.
FEEL-GOOD STORY OF THE WEEK
96-year-old
WWII veteran plays "Star Spangled Banner" on harmonica at Army vs.
Navy game – 96-year-old
playing harmonica…how is that not a feel-good story?
This Horse Semen seems to be the talk of the town. Every joke hinges around it.
ReplyDeleteGod bless the veteran.
ReplyDeleteI feel so badly for Clinton. Life is tough.
Heh, heh! I love your comment on the Canadian boy's prize!
ReplyDeleteI remember my dad playing harmonica, but he didn't make it to 96. I think the cannabis prize was a mistake.
ReplyDeletePot to an 8 year old?? Yikes, I am getting old too. Legal is legal but surely there is an age limit.
ReplyDeleteVegan runner needs to get a life, says this vegan (who only runs if something is chasing her).
ReplyDelete