STUPID HEADLINES 030820

STUPID HEADLINES 030820

Oh, "a"...never mind.

 

This weeks unusual headlines and my stupid, sometimes sophomoric comments.

Jack Welch's rise to the top began with listening to his mother – So, if you want to be successful, wear clean underwear.

Pass-rusher Ngakoue no longer wants to re-sign with Jaguars – It would be easier to sign that name than to pronounce it.

Pigeons cause havoc in airplane after getting stuck in cabin before take-off – Almost another outbreak of bird flew.

BP refinery worker wins job back after parodying company with popular Hitler meme – I wonder why parodying your company with a Hitler meme would get you re-hired?

Vegan runner asks neighbors to close windows when cooking meat with 'offensive' odor – I know what she means, I can’t even go out on my deck when my neighbors are steaming broccoli.

Canadian boy, 8, wins $200 worth of cannabis products at youth hockey tournament – I realize I am old and set in my ways, but I have to say this just seems inappropriate to me.

A man brought a llama to his sister's wedding – The invitation said BYOL.

Thief used a fishing rod to steal a Versace necklace – He used a Supermodel as bait.

Driver crashes into river 10 minutes after getting his license – Why would they give anyone a license to crash into a river?

William Shatner awarded horse semen in his divorce settlement – WOW, William Shatner must have used the same divorce lawyer I had!

Bill Clinton says he had affair with Monica Lewinsky to ‘manage my anxieties’ – Nothing like screwing around behind your wife’s back to calm anxieties.

FEEL-GOOD STORY OF THE WEEK

96-year-old WWII veteran plays "Star Spangled Banner" on harmonica at Army vs. Navy game – 96-year-old playing harmonica…how is that not a feel-good story?

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/harmonica-pete-wwii-veteran-plays-star-spangled-banner-harmonica-army-vs-navy-west-point-game/