This blog is now sugar FREE, fat FREE, gluten FREE, all ORGANIC and all NATURAL!!

Tuesday, March 10, 2020


Re-run from March 2014

The Cranky’s don’t fly often, maybe twice a year.  We always fly coach, because flying first-class is stupid-expensive.   First class costs a little over 2 ½ times coach. 

Whenever we do fly, we always board after first class.  I hate filing past all those seated smug, rich, fat a-holes who are willing to pay 2 ½ times my fare just to get to the same location.  I feel, as I drag my bag through first class, that all those smug pricks are purposely looking away, not wanting to be in any way associated with the riff raff, hoi polloi passing by.

They make me sick.

I get it, you’re rich.  You pay 2 ½ times my fare just for bigger seats, free booze, a meal, and nicer peanuts...Jerks!

Last year, around my birthday, we stayed in Aruba for a four day vacation.  We flew coach.  When we arrived in Aruba,  I was starving, and my arthritic hip ached because my seat was so cramped.   I had to pee like a race horse, because every time I started for the lavatory, someone else jumped up and beat me to it.  I was tired, because the passenger next to me kept winning the armrest war, and I couldn’t sleep.  I didn’t complain, because I was so happy to be on a warm inviting island.

When our stay was over, and we headed to the airport for the trip home, I realized that Mrs. Cranky had not got me a present or even a card for my birthday, which was that very day.  When I mentioned this, I was told that when we got on the plane she would give me my present.

Now she had me going.  No matter what I guessed would be my present, she gave me no hint.  I figured it was a special airplane head rest, or a new crossword puzzle book, or maybe a DVD for my laptop.

While in the waiting room, they announced loading for first-class passengers.

“That’s us, let’s go.”

“What?  Not yet, they just called first class.”

“I know, that’s us, Happy Birthday!”

“Get out of town!”

“Yup, I bundled a whole bunch of mile credits, and upgraded to first class.”

I piled onto the plane and marveled at how much room there was in the overhead compartment.  I didn’t have to shift and squeeze our carry-on to make it fit.  I sat down and reveled in the comfy leather seat which provided unlimited leg room, and my own personal arm rests.

When the other passengers were allowed to board, I had to look away.  Such riff raff, why are they even allowed to board through first class…I would have to send a complaint to the airline.

On the return flight I watched a movie, had two soft drinks, a meal and an extra bag of peanuts.  There was no wait for the lavatory, and most of the way I slept like a baby.  When we landed, we deplaned before everyone else.  My hip did not ache, and I was totally rested.

We are going back to Aruba in a few weeks.  We will be flying coach both ways.  I don’t know how I am going to survive the trip with all those common people.


  1. You have more will power than I do. Once I flew 1st class I never looked back. I also didn't look at those pesky coach people. ;) I watch for the bargain flights and I save for 1st class. It's my treat to myself. The extra money is worth boarding/deplaning first, luggage up first, no rush, first seat, first drink and a movie. But. I never eat their meals. I only eat stuff sealed in a pkg.

  2. Bwahahahahahahahaha. Yep that's how it works. I laughed out loud. First class rocks. I've been upgraded to it once and it was a wonderful experience. I won't pay for a first class seat though.

    I linked this post to Happy Tuesday.

    Have a fabulous day, Joe. 😎

  3. I flew first class once - it was heaven. Yeah, they bug me too.

  4. I have never had the privilege. Everyone I know that flies first class is a frequent business traveler, so they have all sorts of points and programs. That sort of life sucks, so I feel they deserve it.

  5. Thanks for my first smile today, Joe :)

  6. How are you ever going to tolerate coach once again? If you never know what a full belly feels like, you don't really mind a little hunger, but now you know. Live on those luscious memories Joe:))

  7. I flew first class once back when I was a television news reporter. It was great and on the last leg of the trip my photographer and I were the only ones in first class and when we asked for more booze the stewardess threw a handful of those little bottles to us. Yee-haw!

  8. Comment by the Troll deleted unread. It started "Obviously" that is all I saw, and was undoubtedly followed by "blah blah, your a bore, blah blah Some political shit, blah blah blah."

    Get a life asshole!

  9. What a thoughtful gift from Mrs. C! I hope you reciprocated with more than a $3 change purse and two boxes of Sno-Caps.

  10. What a great gift from your wife! Very thoughtful! Never flew first class, maybe some day!


  11. Mrs C is a treasure! What a great birthday gift! I'm glad you got to experience the comfort and pleasure of first class.
    I have flown only a few times, always in coach, and every time, the first class passengers board first, but then that section is closed off and as we riff raff board the plane we don't see the first class area at all. I do know that if I ever fly again it will be first class, mostly for the comfort, I don't care about the free drinks or better meals.

  12. That’s what flying used to be like long ago in coach — well, almost. You’re spoiled now, forever.

  13. That was probably the best birthday present you ever had. We don't use the word coach, ours is 1st class, second class etc. I think coach sounds better.

  14. This reminds me of a true story, a conversation that took place between Charles Spurgeon, the famous church pastor from London, and a fellow pastor he knew. Spurgeon had a very full plate with lots of sermons, running a Bible college, writing letters, overseeing a church with 5,000 members, and he needed a vacation. The fellow pastor on the train told him, "Sir, I am traveling second class and saving the Lord's money."

    Spurgeon responded with, "I'm traveling first class and saving the Lord's minister!"

  15. oh you rich people are so proud lol

    i truly wish may you fly in first class always somehow dear Joe :)))

    i never took flight but since childhood we traveled through train and i think i am gonna miss it if i will have to fly through planes as it is life long connection with them
    after marriage we started to travel in first class and only one thing i like about it that people don't fight there over seats but i never stop missing economy class