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Tuesday, March 24, 2020

WHEN HALL MONITORS GROW UP


WHEN HALL MONITORS GROW UP
I’ve always wondered what happened to the kids in eight grade that walked the halls with those white shoulder-strap-belt things.  Remember?  Hall Monitors!  Those teacher’s ass-kissing goody-two-shoe kids that told you to stop running in the halls.  The ones who ratted you out for chewing gum or smoking in the bathroom…remember them? 

Apparently, they grow up and become Home Owner Association monitors.  They are keeping my townhome safe from improper outside lights, and spitting on the street or whatever infractions in the fine print HOA rules they have to enforce.

Our home is currently within a 30-mile radius of the epicenter of the current pandemic that has halted almost all activities, shut schools and restricted all but essential businesses.

My wife and I, being in the age group that has been warned to self-quarantine, have not left the house for nine days. 

What did we just receive in an email from the HOA hall monitors?  A warning not to put up house “For Sale” signs.

Yeah, that has been my big concern these days. 

For the ten years I have lived in this area, there have always been “For Sale” signs, and I never heard a complaint.  Suddenly this is a problem?

Such a big problem that they notified EVERY homeowner, and BTW I have not seen one such sign in a long while though I’m sure a few probably exist.

Meanwhile, the HOA hall monitors in the last few years have installed around 100 signs telling dog owners to clean up after their dog.  Yes, I think people should clean up after their dog, but people who don’t clean up after their dog are not the people that obey signs…UGLY signs, at least every bit as ugly as a “For Sale” sign.

Hell, why not just put one sign at the entrance that says, “Humans live here…Behave!”

Today, while I am under self-quarantine as suggested by experts, the Governor’s request, and by state law, I was awoken by six men with blowers clearing the area of almost seventeen leaves.  Up my front and back yard, on my front stoop and on my back deck six men clearing LEAVES for crap sake.

Is this an essential service?  Leaves that have been around since after the last November clean-up now need to be blown away in the middle of a pandemic? 

Why not send the furnace inspector into our homes or the vent cleaner, or plumbers to check our sump pump?  Because…because I don’t know, but rules are rules and priorities are priorities.

Screw a pandemic virus, nothing in the bylaws about that, but we can’t have “For Sale” signs in the yard, and by damn, leaves are supposed to be cleared by May.

Thank God for the Hall Monitors.  I would never have survived eighth grade without them, and now in the middle of a PANDEMIC they are saving me from the scourge of “For Sale” signs and LEAVES!

Now I want to sell this house, just so I can put a "For Sale" sign in the yard. 

17 comments:

  1. I would be so tempted to put a sign up in the yard that said: NOT FOR SALE. But I've been known to be a smart a@$...

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  2. You go Joe! I'd be thinking the same thing or Yaya's comment. This is why hubby was adamant we didn't buy a house in a HOA community!

    betty

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  3. Perhaps they are worried someone will attend an open inspection when they have virus symptoms, which is a fair enough worry.
    We have a man here, ONE single man, with a leaf blower, clearing the edges of porches and paths after two men have been spreading truck loads of chipped bark mulch over all the garden areas. We also have plumbers putting cameras into all the drains to be sure people aren't flushing unflushable materials down the toilets.

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  4. We didn't have hall monitors! No smoking in the bathrooms, either. We had a "student lounge," where smoking was permitted during lunch and between classes. Wow. How times have changed!

    Maybe you can draw up a FOR SALE sign, and put it in your window. Just for entertainment purposes. Heck, put one in EACH window! You'll probably get a warning before they evict you. At least you're not dealing with that snot-nose punk lifeguard right now.

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  5. Thank goodness there are folk like you who say it as it is, and laugh all the way. I needed that smile this morning.

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  6. Is it OK to put a sign saying "TO LET"? If they complain, just say the letter I got missing.

    God bless.

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  7. I love the idea of the "Humans live here - Behave!" That is awesome.
    Scary that you're so close to an epicenter. It amazes me some of the things people consider "essential". I hope you and your family stay well through all of this.

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  8. That makes perfect sense about where the hall monitors ended up. I would be so tempted to try Yaya's idea. What could they do?

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  9. Got a note just this morning from the folks that do our "weed and feed" saying that, as they are not an essential service, they're shut down. I usually renew up front every year anyway, by phone, so it's not like I need to see anyone. I cut my own grass, but if it were up to me to "Weed and feed", it would be all weeds I'm afraid. I'm certainly glad we don't have anything like an HOA, as I don't look good in an orange jump suit. I'm pretty sure I'd be hunting down whomever sent me some kiss me ass note about signage, and shove said note right down their throats. But that's just me. Good luck.

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    1. There are many time when I want to kick some ass, but Mrs. C calms me down. Also, deep down I am a pussy.

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  10. and that is why my husband refuses to move to a subdivision with HOA's. There are risks though, living in one without. Like in the case, of our next-door neighbor, Dick (named appropriately) we just made a call to the city. Took care of that and the next day he put his house up for sale. LOL. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh Dick, how we don't miss you!

    Gosh, I'd be a bit more fearful than I am, if I lived 30 minutes away from a hot spot. We've had 3 confirmed and 1 had just died. Yeah, you guys back there are getting hit hard. Stay safe!

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  11. Bwahahahahahahaha. You crack me up.

    Have a fabulous day. 😎

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  12. And this is why i pray i do not ever live where there is an HOA. It is Mr. and Mrs. Barney Fife running it!

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  13. My schools in North Dakota never caught on, I guess. We didn't have hall monitors. Unofficial state song starts like this: Y'oughta go ta Nor'Dakota.

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  14. not allowing sign is weird

    i still remember my school head monitor ,they were two pretty girls from senior class ,then 8th was senior ,later our school was upgraded to high school and then college
    what i found fascinating then was their nail polish for some reason :)
    asking inhabitants for clearing the leaves is also weird ,specially seniors who can be easy prey to virus

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