New Jersey Emergency
Management System Test
I am a late-night
person. I watch a lot of TV. I watch a lot of TV late at night.
Periodically, generally after 1AM, The New Jersey Emergency Management System
conducts a test.
This test
consists of the TV going blue and an unreadably message drifting across the top
of the blue screen. Then a voice comes
on that sounds as if the announcer was a drop-out from the NYC Subway
system. If you have not had the pleasure
of riding a NYC subway, especially years ago before pre-recorded messages, the
announcements sounded something like this,
This is the (lots of static) fremading train making all stops
between (lots of static) 8th frem and
friourtheenth arbendo; next stop (lots of static) please watch your (lots of static) when exiting the train.
It seems
that the New Jersey Emergency Management
System demands weekly testing of the ability to interrupt all TV channels
and leave indiscernible instructions on any pending emergency and what steps to
take to protect yourself.
I suppose
that if you do not watch a lot of TV, you will miss this message and your
inevitable demise will come as a complete surprise.
I think I
might prefer the surprise, rather than running around like a chicken without a
head, panicking and trying to find out what the Emergency Management System
warning just said.
“Was that just a test?”
“I don’t know, it sounded real.”
“What is a ‘blerg popping pundle’ and where is the nearest ‘shendal’ that we need to ‘pretend to cobble to?’
“I don’t know, I didn’t understand a thing
they just said. It sounded serious, but
if they want us to ‘cobble to the
nearest ‘shendal’ to avoid the ‘blerg
popping pundle,’ why did the ‘Leave it to Beaver’ re-run come back on the
air?”
“You know what, turn to the Game Show
Network, if I’m about to be ‘blerg poppin pundled,’ I want to be ‘pundled’ watching ‘Cash Cab.’”
I appreciate
that New Jersey has an Emergency
Management System. It is great that they are so concerned about testing this
system. I do have to wonder, with all
these tests, does anyone not realize that the only thing they are currently
capable of doing is interrupting a show at the worst possible time, scaring the
crap outta people, and telling us nothing?
No worries, Cranky. If this had been a real emergency you would've been instructed to go to your nearest.... :D
ReplyDeletePerhaps they are waiting for people to phone in and say the test has failed and no one at all can understand a word of what is being said. Then they can upgrade and maybe words will be legible eventually?
ReplyDeleteIt does seem a weird way to announce an emergency though, like you said, not everyone would be watching TV, or even that channel.
I'm guessing 'blerg poppin pundled' is some arcane dialect that means, "sit down, put your head between your knees, and kiss you @$$ goodbye". "Blerg poppin pundled" just sounds less threatening. Carry on.
ReplyDeleteI find the messages that cross the botoom of our TV screen warning of tornadoes and the like to be completely unreadable as well...I have a feeling that they only want to save those with perfect eyesight.We don't get a voice over...just a horrible alarm sound that makes you want to go off running in all directions.
ReplyDeleteThere's a lot of this happening. Got to do it, but it's not right when they do. What good are they going to be in a real emergency? I'm not thinking much.
ReplyDeleteHave a fabulous day. ☺
It's been decades since I saw one of those warnings on TV, and I watch a lot of TV. I DID hear one on the radio yesterday, though. I switched stations before hearing the details. It seems that I'm not the type to be saved.
ReplyDeleteRadio does the same test, at least those you can understand what they are saying.
ReplyDeleteLike you, I think I'd rather be surprised than frantically searching for shelter or more likely, going through all my regrets as time runs out.
ReplyDeleteMaybe it's time to change the batteries in the old hearing aids, Joeh! :^D
ReplyDeletei either would love the surprise anyway !
ReplyDeletei wonder why they choose such bad time for the message which is not clear and understandable
Well, better to have to listen to this than the real one that was broadcast in Hawaii a few weeks ago!
ReplyDelete