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Tuesday, March 6, 2018

It’s A Vortex I Tell Ya

It’s A Vortex I Tell Ya
What the heck is it with stuff that you drop?  This dropped stuff is a greater mystery to me than the missing socks in the dryer thing.  What am I talking about?
There is a vortex under my bed.  Whenever I drop anything off my bed it immediately goes missing.  Every time!  If I reach for something while in bed, and my computer mouse falls it always disappears.  Not sometimes, ALWAYS.  Now when an item hits the floor it can stick where it hits, or bounce in any of multiple directions.  When I drop anything from my bed it ALWAYS bounces under the bed.  It will not just bounce a little bit under the bed, it will bounce where I need to get in a prone position and reach as far as possible to feel for and grab it. 
There is some kind of weird vortex under my bed that sucks everything under and to the middle of the bed.
Drop a cookie…it goes under the bed.  Drop my computer mouse…under the bed.  Drop my cell phone…under the bed.  How the hell does a cell phone fall from a bed and bounce three feet under the bed?  It has to be a mysterious vortex of unknown source that defies not just the the law of averages but also all laws of physics.
I demand an investigation.  There must be a scientific explanation for this force.  Perhaps we could harness this force for the good of humanity.  A power that can suck a cell phone three feet could be captured, amplified and possibly be used to power automobiles or even planes with a zero-carbon footprint.
This force could even explain how UFO’s appear and then shoot off at incredible speeds.  I think they travel by using the under-the-bed-vortex.  As I think of it, many of the descriptions I read of UFO’s, large flat and oval, could be the description of a space age bed.
I am probably getting carried away.  I am sure there is an explanation other than an unknown mysterious force.  However, the last time I stretched out and reached for a dropped computer mouse under the bed I also found several socks that I swear had been missing from the last time I did the laundry.


  1. I don't know but when you figure that out would you please work on finding out where all of the socks go in the dryer??

  2. Ah, a mystery. I love mysteries. What a pity I can't solve them. Try getting a cat, one like mine who always manages to retrieve fallen items and thinks they're playthings.

  3. Put a marble on the floor next to your bed and see if it rolls 'bedward' may have a 'slippery slope' there.

  4. You need to put a crystal pyramid under your bed to counteract these electromagnetic forces. And of course you should not have cell phones or computers in your bed in the first place because beds are for sleeping or sex. You're welcome.

    1. Beds are like Vegas, what happens there stays there.

  5. It's a black hole under everyone's bed. I've noticed the same thing.

    Have a fabulous day, Joe. ☺

  6. This was why I agreed that Queenie should buy some under-bed storage bins. Droppings still TRY to go under but are subject to a bin-bounce-back. Unless they slip between 'em, but a little duct tape fixed that.

    And no, Queenie has no idea about the duct tape. As expected, the bins are about a decade old and absolutely NOTHING has been taken out of them in that time. But the vortex has been stymied, so there's that.

  7. You could be on to something. This might also explain why alien theorists are drawn towards Roswell, or drunks towards bars, or crooks towards Washington.

  8. Socks, of course, go to the hozone layer. The under-the-bed vortex needs to be explored and harnessed for the good of humanity (and to prevent any more of my crossword solving pencils going missing).

  9. I don't have such a vortex under my bed, if I did all the floating cat fluff would disappear. I can see the advantages of having a vortex, just a small one perhaps in corner of every room where it could suck in all the dust so I wouldn't have to vacuum. I'll never understand the missing socks phenomenon, I've never lost a sock in my life.

  10. I dropped an already-torn-open mini Slim Jim in T-Hoe the other day, and I think that for 24 hours it was living in your vortex. I searched the entire car, twice, and then the edge appeared down by the passenger seat frame the next day.

  11. i believe that you have vortex under your bed Joe because everything you drop there get missing .

    i think you should crawl little more under the bed and discover the deep end of this vortex .
    hope you were not fain when you found those socks haha

  12. Wow Joe. No vortex under our bed. I have bed storage bins. In other parts of the house, WE have gremlins. It's always something, isn't it?

  13. Just make sure you never, never, ever, crawl under the bed to retrieve something. There's a trap door under there, and if you fall in it while trying to retrieve something, Mrs. C will hear you crying, but she won't be able to see you... #TwilightZone.


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