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Sunday, September 10, 2017

Stupid Headlines 091017

Stupid Headlines 091017
It’s time again for
Seems to me the only real experts would be...dead!
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY
This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider, sometimes sophomoric comments. 
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'Goonies' star Martha Plimpton says she had her 'best abortion' in Seattle – OK…a celebrity endorsement for abortions in Seattle, also from my experience this spring, a very popular city for Meth Heads.  BTW, who the frig is Martha Plimpton?  Wasn’t “Goonies” a teen flick 73 years ago?
Antidepressants detected in fish brains in Great Lakes – Those fish are hooked before they are hooked.
Gay people to blame for Hurricane Harvey, say evangelical Christian leaders – See, when you say, “Christian leader(s)” it implies all Christian leaders, actually there were two wack-a-doodles and most Christians (99%) think that the smiting thing is not real.
Bear shows up to birthday party uninvited, finishes off cake – Well, he is definitely not going to be invited next year either!
Miss America contestant flies herself to competition – And she did it while twirling a baton!
Student Has Grade Docked for Using the Word 'Mankind' in Paper – “That’s one small step for (a) man, one giant leap for ManWomanGayLesbianBiTransQueerkind.” Doesn’t work for me, but then I am old and out of touch.
School makes at least 75 students take blood and urine tests over 1 empty beer can – CRAP! That’s like not even one sip per student!
5 nurses suspended after opening body bag to view deceased patient's genitals – Somethings just have to be obscene to be believed.
Amazon delivery traps customer in own apartment – Well, that tactic will put the Big Box Stores out of business for sure.
Drunk man sells car for beer money then wakes up wondering where his car went – Like that hasn’t happened to pretty much everyone…right?
This had to be a joke, but it is real:
Patriots fans already calling for Jimmy Garoppolo to start over Tom Brady – Holy cow, I thought Philly fans were bad, but this is over the top!  One game removed from the Super Bowl comeback and this?
And the Feel Good News of the week:
Iowa football crowd stands to wave at children in neighboring hospital – A really cool new tradition!
https://www.today.com/news/see-heartwarming-new-tradition-started-iowa-football-t115890
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Come back again next week (maybe) for more
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY!! 
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17 comments:

  1. messymimiSeptember 10, 2017 at 7:34 AM

    If the so-called "Christian" leaders had said bigger hurricanes are part of climate change caused by the fact that we are not taking proper care of the planet The Lord has given us, i might be willing to dialog with them on it.

    Thanks for the fun news i'd never see otherwise!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Joanne NoragonSeptember 10, 2017 at 10:58 AM

    75 students taking a mandatory urine test--where are the parents; what school is given the right to do that.

    ReplyDelete
  3. only slightly confusedSeptember 10, 2017 at 11:00 AM

    Hurricane Harvey was caused by.....say what now?

    ReplyDelete
  4. SandeeSeptember 10, 2017 at 11:16 AM

    My favorite is the five nurses. Wonder what had to be seen that was worth getting fired over.

    I linked this post to Silly Sunday.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

    ReplyDelete
  5. SharonSeptember 10, 2017 at 11:42 AM

    Oh, how do we stop those bears from crashing our parties? Offer cake at the gate?

    ReplyDelete
  6. stephen HayesSeptember 10, 2017 at 12:44 PM

    Love that new Iowa tradition.

    ReplyDelete
  7. AnonymousSeptember 10, 2017 at 1:47 PM

    I always enjoy your "Headlines"--& your other posts, too!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Jim and SandieSeptember 10, 2017 at 2:26 PM

    Another make my day.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Arkansas PattiSeptember 10, 2017 at 6:05 PM

    I think I am now a Hawkeye fan.

    ReplyDelete
  10. yayaSeptember 10, 2017 at 8:45 PM

    I'm so glad there's so much stupidity so I can laugh every Sunday! I've worked in surgery for 40 years and have seen my fair share of the human anatomy. Frankly, if you've seen one you've seen them all...however, there's always that one jokester with a tattoo.

    ReplyDelete
  11. ValSeptember 10, 2017 at 9:16 PM

    Next year, on the day before the birthday party...someone should send that bear an Amazon delivery. Problem solved.

    ReplyDelete
  12. JimmySeptember 11, 2017 at 12:25 AM

    Death by firing squad isn't that bad huh? I love this expert advice.

    The feel good story is nice. I enjoyed watching this wave.

    ReplyDelete
  13. CraigSeptember 11, 2017 at 6:55 AM

    Everybody knows Hurricane Harvey is Trump's fault. . .

    And I don't know how you fit 75 blood/urine samples in one beer can. . .

    ReplyDelete
  14. CraigSeptember 11, 2017 at 12:14 PM

    But hey, Great Lakes fish are the mellowest, most low-key fish you'll find anywhere. . .

    ReplyDelete
  15. Rick WatsonSeptember 11, 2017 at 8:41 PM

    I wish I got the papers you get.

    ReplyDelete
  16. joaredSeptember 12, 2017 at 7:44 PM

    Love these headlines!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Pixel PeeperSeptember 16, 2017 at 3:03 PM

    Amazon delivery traps customer in own apartment...I want to know what that delivery was!

    ReplyDelete

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