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Wednesday, September 6, 2017

Beauty Expert


Beauty Expert

I was watching a commercial on TV the other day.  This nice lady was apparently a Beauty Expert.  In know she was a beauty expert, because she said she was a beauty expert.  She was espousing the benefits of a new product that reduced wrinkles. This product is effective as it uses silicates from shale.

My immediate thought was,

 “Of course, silicates from shale.  Why didn’t I think of that?  Those silicates from shale just get in your skin and flatten out any wrinkles…makes sense to me.”

Well I didn’t think of that because I am not a beauty expert.  I further thought,

“Why not, I could become a beauty expert.  I like beauty.”

I checked on Google and there are many, many beauty expert schools available. 

Pretty much all of them teach you how to apply makeup.  Personally, I don’t like makeup that much, but then I am not a beauty expert.

Some of them were about getting thin.  Personally I don’t get the skinny thing, especially for women, I prefer a little cushion and a little jiggle, but then I am not a beauty expert.

Got me to thinking, what is beauty?  If it is in fact in the eye of the holder, how hard is it to be an expert?  If you are the holder of an eye, are you a beauty expert. 

I know all about walking.  I know how to do it, I could even instruct a novice on how to do it.  I have taught four individuals to walk and to this day they are still very good at walking.  I am a walking expert!

I can talk, I learned at a very early age.  I also instructed the same four walking students in how to talk and to this day they are still talking.  I am a speech expert.

Perhaps we sometimes throw this “Expert” title around too loosely. 

Sleep experts tell us what kind of pillow to sleep on.  I have been sleeping for years.  All my pillows work pretty well.  I’ve fallen asleep on a chair, standing up, under a bar stool, even watching a movie in a theater.  Clearly, I am a sleep expert.

Maybe I am also a beauty expert. 

What is beauty?  Is it like pornography…I don’t know what it is, but I know it when I see it? 

I do know this, if you have no manners, treat people like crap, judge others by superficial things, and think only your ideas are correct, or that your poop don’t stink, there is no amount of silicates from shale that will have you pass my beauty test.

But then I am not a beauty expert.

20 comments:

  1. My wife is a very beautiful woman. But whenever I tell her so, she rolls her eyes, and mumbles something about how my vision is skewed. So maybe I'm not such an expert. . .

    But you know the old saying - 'ex' is a has-been and 'spurt' is a drip under pressure. . .

    And at my old job, we used to derisively say that an expert is anyone who's more than 25 miles from home. . . ;)

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  2. I do know this, if you have no manners, treat people like crap, judge others by superficial things, and think only your ideas are correct, or that your poop don’t stink, there is no amount of silicates from shale that will have you pass my beauty test. BINGO!

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

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  3. Everyone is a beauty expert in that they know what strikes THEM as beauty.

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  4. Good post, Joe. It made me realize that I'm an expert too! Yay me!

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  5. I was just raving the other day at how pretty Prince William's wife is and my husband told me he thinks she's average! Wonder what a beauty expert would think?

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  6. Personally I don’t get the skinny thing, especially for women, I prefer a little cushion and a little jiggle, - You are my kind of guy.

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  7. Because of my "thrown under the bus" accident in May, I had to learn to walk again. I'm still not expert at it, but the basic routine is: butt out, stomach in, shoulders back, chin up. I find it works very well. I only stumble about every dozen steps.

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  8. Sounds like you've got a pretty good eye for what really matters.

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  9. I'm not a blog expert but I like yours--wait, maybe I am!!

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  10. Amen Joe, I agree with you 100% sir, someones attitude can sure take away any beauty they think they have.

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  11. Tell me, Beauty Expert, do 5-inch stilettos make someone a beauty? The Interwebs seem to want to know.

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    Replies
    1. If a lady can walk in them, they sure don't hurt, and the internet should stick to funny cat videos and other really relevant important stuff.

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  12. Your concluding sentences are flawless.

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  13. Wow! It's like you're a jack of all trades, and an expert of 100% of them!

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  14. You can be a beauty experts if you want to be. You need a product to sell soon after you assume this title. The formulae is varied for such products -- cremas, pills, drinks, for example. Likely the one criteria applying to all is the cost -- something you can make for a nickel and sell for $50 or more. Good luck! Whatever it ends up being, I won't be buying, but there will surely be others who will.

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  15. I'm not an expert in any field whatsoever, so you'll never see me on TV or on the web selling anything.
    Wouldn't something from shale be gritty? Perhaps the trick is that it sandpapers away enough layers that the wrinkles are no longer noticeable?

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  16. Just trying to think if I'm an expert in anything. Hmmm will check the mirror!

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  17. Think you have nailed it. We are all experts in what appeals to us. Hey, I think Wishbone from Rawhide is a hunk.

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  18. I love this Joe. Say, you know what, I wouldn't mind advice from a sleep expert. I wake up too much. Perhaps I am a wakefulness expert.

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  19. Ha - if you're a college student in a bar drinking beer, the beauty of women in said bar increases perpendicular to closing time!

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