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Saturday, September 2, 2017

Stupid Headlines 090317

Stupid Headlines 090317
It’s time again for
Who would have guessed
This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider, sometimes sophomoric comments. 
Oklahoma teacher, 31, who had sex with student, 15, ordered to pay $1 million – That kid must be really good!

Mexican police trade guns for guitars in hope that mariachi restores public trust – Anyone remember El Kabong?
Chaos ensues after Portland Taco Fest runs out of tacos in the first 90 minutes – Note for next year’s Taco Fest…Bring tacos!

Health professionals report cases where people put sunscreen on their eyeballs to watch eclipse – Didn’t these idiots know to use an SPF 2 billion to stare at the sun?

A giant kinky sex party took place in the woods and residents are furious – Apparently some of the invitations got lost in the male.

Michigan woman gets life in prison for murder parrot allegedly witnessed – The woman, Polly Wanda Cracka, insists the parrot was mistaken.

Couple busted for having sex on golf course – Hole in one/hole out/ Fairway wood/ chip in/ lip out/pull the pin/ hooker/ big club/ little putter/ long driver/ in the rough/ ball/ wide stance/ hit a slice/ U.S. Open/ Rideher Cup/
This is too easy, make up your own stupid sophomoric comment.

Eataly plans to open 20-acre Italian-food focused theme park – Please God, let this park be in New Jersey.

Princeton professor warns new students against 'groupthink and conformism' – Students now don’t know what to do, either they conform to the professors warning, or they disagree and succumb to groupthink…sort of a chicken/ egg thing.

The Surprising Secret to Obama’s fit figure at 56… - Being President of  The United States for 8 years is hard work and stressful!

And the Feel-good story of the week:
91 Years Old This Lady Is Doing Tricks – Not a hooker you perverts, she’s a gymnast!  Check out her performance:
94-year-old puts in pool for neighborhood kids – One more, and let’s hear it for old people!
Come back again next week (maybe) for more


  1. Old people are the best...but I hope the old guy with the pool has lots of insurance.

  2. I always enjoy your stupid headlines, but I really like your comments to said headlines.

    I linked this post to Silly Sunday.

    Have a fabulous day, Joe. ☺

  3. Could it be that people in Portland don't completely understand the idea of a taco? I mean, I'm saying this as a Texan, but could it?

    "How many people does one taco feed?"

    Maybe not. I guess I can't blame every problem on geography.

  4. That pool was a wonderful idea - for the summer, but what's he planning for the long months of winter? He does live in Minnesota, after all.

  5. "Oklahoma teacher, 31, who had sex with student, 15, ordered to pay $1 million"

    A MILLION BUCKS? Dang, how much do they pay teachers in Oklahoma?

  6. Ha! I haven't thought of El Kabong and his faithful sidekick Baba Lewis in years.

    1. Well you obviously are not a Howard Stern fan:

      Baba Louie, made famous by Howard Stern's producer Gary's gaff of calling him Baba Booey.

      If you watch golf on TV many drives are followed by Stern fans yelling Baba Booey...silly, ridiculous, but I laugh every time I hear it.

  7. Mr. Davidson sure gathered a large group of grand kids by installing that pool, this was a good thing both for him and his neighborhood.

  8. I can finally see your feel good stories--they were great!!

  9. Yes, i remember El Kabong, and now i want to go see if he's on Youtube. Fun headlines!

  10. Poor Polly Wanda Cracka. That parrot sang like a canary!

  11. Eh, Kweeks-Draw. . . (the Stern guy was obviously confusing Baba Louie with Yogi Bear's sidekick, Boo-Boo)

    Wow, Joe. . . target-rich environment this week. That lady should've shot the parrot, too. . . (Somewhere in the back of my head is a bad Clapton cover - "I shot my husband. . . but I did not shoot the parrot. . .")


  12. What, there isn't a taco bus on every corner in Portland?