Reverse Discrimination
Mrs. C and I
went to dinner tonight, “Bonefish”, a nice chain restaurant with good food at a
fair price. I like to go out to dinner
and we do so several times a week as Mrs. C does not like to cook and she
works three nights a week.
Bonefish has
a nice relaxed atmosphere.
The restaurant
was not yet very crowded. We were seated
right behind a large table with three adults and 8 children age 2 to about
8. I know restaurants often try and sit
people at less desirable tables first, and this table was clearly less desirable
as the children were…children. Not especially
ill-mannered, but children.
In my older
cranky age, I generally will ask for a different table if any are available,
and there were clearly other choices. In this case I said nothing. The three adults and the eight children were
African American.
If they were
white I would not have hesitated to ask for a different table, but reverse
discrimination kicked in. Would people
think I was prejudiced because I asked to sit away from a table of African
Americans?
We took our
seats.
“I should ask to move to a quieter
space, I come here to relax…if I wanted kids and agita, I could go out to eat with
my Grandchildren!”
“The other section might not have a
waitress and they can’t seat us there.”
“Maybe.”
Then I got
bumped from behind by a child running around the table; and again, by one going
to the bathroom.
“I’m asking for a different table.”
As I was
going up to the hostess to ask for a different table, a couple walked in before
me, and they were taken to the table I was going to ask for. As they were being seated I followed and gave
Mrs. C the stink eye.
Then the
manager came up to me.
“May I help you?”
Oh crap, the
manager was African American.
“Oh, I was just hoping to be seated
at a different table.”
“Is there a problem?”
“No, just there are other tables and
we were seated next to a large group of children…they are not being bad, but
they are children and there are other tables.”
“The table over there?” As he glanced at the African American
party of eleven.
“Ah, yes…”
“Hmmm, I see…we will
find a different table for you.”
“I don’t really mean to complain, but…”
“It’s all right sir, I completely
understand.”
We moved
several tables away and truth be told at this point the table of children was
acting a bit bratty and extra loud. They
were a still little disturbing, but at least I was not being bumped.
As we were
finishing an appetizer and the restaurant was filling up I confessed,
“I feel a little guilty, the manager
gave me one of those looks; the ‘Yes sir, we can find your bigoted ass another table; wouldn’t want you
to have to sit near Black Folk’ Look. I just didn’t
want to sit next to kids, if I’m prejudiced, it is against little children.”
As I was voicing
my remorse and having a Larry David moment (“Curb Your Enthusiasm” fans will understand) another couple was seated behind the
table of children. And we overheard
them,
“Ah, do you think we could we sit at
another table?”
“I’m very sorry, this is the last
table for now.”
“That’s ok, we’ll wait.”
I turned
around to see this couple that also did not want to sit next to a troop of
children.
It was a
middle age couple.
They were
African American.
“YES!!”
Good post, Joe. I don't remember ever having to tip-toe around so many subjects in my life.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you were able to be moved. In my case, I prefer to eat at home, simply because I don't wish to be around children who run around instead of sitting at their table.
ReplyDeleteFor me, reverse discrimination is seeing governments bending over backwards to be sure minorities don't feel discriminated against, giving them special treatment, everything they want, while the rest of the population is largely ignored. That's us, being discriminated against, but if we dare to voice any objections, all hell breaks loose.
If you are going to pay "good" money to eat out at a restaurant, it should be a pleasant experience. Before you were moved to a different table, it wasn't. I think someone should have been teaching their children better restaurant manners. We did with our children from early on and rarely had any problems when we went out to eat because they knew what was expected and what was expected of them. They never would have left the table or thunked on any other people's seating close by.
ReplyDeletebetty
Whatever happened to the old rules regarding children, those taught to behave at table, to sit still and keep voices down, etc. It didn't hurt me any when I was a kid.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard!
ReplyDeleteThe struggle is real. I remember when my 4 ankle biters were little and we were on vaca so we all filed in to the restaurant. All was good until a large glass of root beer spilled. It was spilled by ME! My 5 yr old looked at me and said, "Mom, you are embarrassing our family!" Yep, and I continue to do so to this day!
ReplyDeleteThat toxic whiteness will get us every time. The real issue is that there should be sections for families with children (who should be taught how to behave in public first). Mike would have not asked for another restaurant, he would have turned around and left. He did that and once it was his own four grandkids causing the ruckus. You call yourself cranky, but let me tell you grumppa could have schooled you for sure.
ReplyDeleteBANG BANG SHRIMP YUMMMMMMM I love Bonefish!
ReplyDeleteAnd I too hate children. I am especially appalled when people allow their children to run wild in a restaurant, where people are carrying large and heavy trays full of extremely hot food. I've received many hateful glares because I will not sit and keep quiet if the table next to mine has an unruly child. I'll tell those parents exactly what I think of their kid's behaviour.
There used to be a restaurant near here that had a big sign on the door--"NO CHILDREN UNDER 16"--which was naturally one our fav places to eat. I think they ended up having to change their policies though. Discrimination or something?
There you go. I don't like sitting with a bunch of kids either...white purple or green...don't care....I want another table.
ReplyDeleteI've moved many times because of unruly children. Some parents just won't make them behave either and that makes it even worse. I'm like Mich. I will make myself heard if your children are little brats.
ReplyDeleteHave a fabulous day. ☺
Times have changed! Our parents didn't tolerate rude behavior. Neither did we. I have two children. One has two children with perfect public manners. The other has four children, two of whom totally lacked manners. I've gone back into a classy restaurant to leave an extra $50 tip for the poor servers who have to get bowls of noodles off the carpet.
ReplyDeleteI'd have asked for a different table, but like you I might have felt awkward about it. I acknowledge that I probably treat African Americans differently, better, because I don't want to be perceived as racist.
ReplyDeleteLike Stephen, we are very cautious of perceptions around here. A couple of AA ladies cut line the the gas station chicken store the other day. They walked in, saw the long line, said, "That's the line? This is crazy!" They walked right behind me, to an AA man who had been in line for a while, and said, "Oh, you're with the group. We'll get in with the group." He didn't invite them in, didn't tell them no, didn't say anything. Nobody called them out except one other AA lady already paying at the counter. They stayed put, though. By "group" I think they were talking about a bus that I saw parked outside.
ReplyDeleteI sure wasn't going to say anything.
Even when kids aren't unruly, I don't like them turning around and staring at me during the entire meal. I prefer to dine childless as well.
I totally understand your reluctance. Most of us don't want to appear racist. At least you got a good post out of it. I recently sat through a cacophony at a local restaurant as two white, hard of hearing senior gents yelled back and forth about their fishing day. They were so loud that my friends and I could not converse. Stayed put though for I found them amusing besides, I didn't want to appear unhappy with the old guys. Think that could have been called ageism even though we were in the same boat.
ReplyDeleteI miss the Bonefish.
Good manners are learned and someone has to teach them. Parents would fit that bill, but it seems some don't recognize good manners from bad. We are so racially aware in this country that we sometimes bend to the extreme to be "correct."
ReplyDeleteThis is why i have learned to tune out children, and i'm glad i have.
ReplyDeleteParents don't seem to demand good manners for their children anymore, and you are right on point here Joe it doesn't matter what color they are but kids being kids can be annoying in these situations. What is sad is the fact that we are forced to dance around the race issue, reverse discrimination is rampant now and it has only made matters worse, we should not have to worry so much about offending everyone about anything we do.
ReplyDeleteI solved that problem long ago. I just don't eat out anymore.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely a Larry David moment!
ReplyDelete