Two plus weeks at the Jersey Shore and it has been lovely except for a few complaints about…you guessed it, OTHER PEOPLE!!
Beach people to me are like all the people I run into; I like everyone I have ever met, and I hate everyone else.
Come on people, simple manners.
Here are Cranky’s rules for beach behavior.
1. Music is lovely. It is great that you love that country music, but just maybe, everyone on the beach does not enjoy your Red Neck Rap. Turn down your friggin music!! Especially when you are in the water and not even near your Bose Blaster.
2. Anchor your umbrella, and that does not mean screwing it four inches into the loose sand. When the wind catches the umbrella just the right way, it will uproot it and send it down the beach like a run-away javelin…PEOPLE HAVE BEEN KILLED!! And while you are going in the water and leaving the umbrella alone, along with turning off your music, close the damn umbrella.
3. I like kids (sometimes) and it is great watching them have fun on the beach. You might want to watch yours also. When they are digging and throwing sand up in the air and I am down wind, it is annoying, I suggest you ask them…no, tell them, to stop or move where there aren’t other people.
4. Women who are morbidly obese should not wear a bikini. Men of any weight should not wear a speedo. Women with big cans and a firm nicely rounded butt who wear really skimpy bikinis are a distraction, they should turn down their music, anchor their umbrellas and watch their kids.
5. When old people are tip-toeing into the icy water trying to get used to the temperature one body part at a time, do not run all splashy right next to them (me)…it is a big beach.
6. Do not feed the sea gulls…EVER!!
7. That spray SPF 40 stuff is great, but not when you are close and up wind of other people.
8. Sometimes the beach is really crowded and it is difficult to find room for a chair and an umbrella. Often during the week there is space all over, why do you have to plant yourself directly in front of me?
9. If you are going to gossip; whisper so I don't hear, or or speak up so I can eavesdrop easily…one or the other.
10. Even if you can catch that football, and you can’t, do it away from me so I don’t have to play watch and duck.
That’s it, ten simple rules so everyone can have a good day at the beach; or do I have to run for Governor and close down the beach for everyone but my family?