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Friday, July 21, 2017

DON’T TOUCH IT!


DON’T TOUCH IT!

I’ve been married to Mrs. C for over six years.  I am only now learning what I am not allowed to touch…no, you perverts, get your 13 yo minds under control, I’m talking about around the house.

I don’t mind housework, I’m retired, I can clean, I can cook, I can even put stuff away.  There is, however, some stuff I am just not allowed to touch.

I can move laundry from the washer to the drier, but that is it.  If I do a load of wash she gets all panicky.

“I’ll do the wash!”

“I can do it, it is not rocket science.”

“You don’t separate right and you forget to use that color catcher and you use too much soap, not enough water, you load it unbalanced and JUST DON’T TOUCH!!”

I used to argue.  

First, I’ll separate, even though that is unnecessary, colors do not run unless something is brand new, and I use a color catcher anyway.  I use just a little soap, plenty of water and I even-out the load ( also not necessary.)

NO MORE.  If it makes her happy thinking I’m incompetent with the wash and she wants to do it. I’m OK!

“Don’t touch the Tupperware, Ill put it away, you can’t stack it or replace it properly!”

OK, she’s right on this one.

I can clean the bathrooms as long as she doesn’t watch.

“Warn me before you clean the bathroom, I can’t stand the way you do it!”

Hey, when I’m done it is clean.

BUT

I am not allowed to clean the shower floor.  She will only do it over again if I do it.  Why?  I don’t know, I just let it go.

If I need scissors, I have to clear it with the boss first.

“There are different scissors for different uses, and you never get it right.”

If I think it should be thrown away I have learned to ask.  Throwing away the wrong item like a plastic spoon or a glass of water can cause a mini-melt down.

“I’ll buy you a new plastic spoon.”

“That’s not the point!”

If it is under a towel, it is off limits.

There are brushes for dishes, there are brushes for scrubbing potatoes…if I am not sure, I will ask.

Somethings that I do which upset her are just plain silly.

“Why did you fold my laundry, I told you just do yours, leave mine along, I don’t like how you fold.”

“Is it so hard to unfold and do it over?”

“That’s not the point.”

We have an electric floor sweeper.  It works great.  It sweeps the floor in minutes.  She prefers the broom and dustpan.

“The sweeper misses stuff!” (It doesn’t, but I don’t argue.)

“So broom the spots it misses, what does it hurt for me to power sweep first.”

“That’s not the point!”

I must admit, I never know what the point is;  I am learning what not to touch.

22 comments:

  1. Lil Sis has perfected the art of not being allowed to touch things. She has made sure to purposely do such a horrendous job on things like the dishwasher or doing laundry or cleaning that she is no longer allowed to do such things.

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  2. And one wonders why guys don't do anything around the house. I can see why.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

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  3. Hey....if I could find a man willing to do ANY of those things you listed, there is no way I would try to stop him. As it is, all my energy is expended trying to convice the hubs to DO something.

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  4. Looks like a learning curve, ha, but all is fair in love and err war. Warm greetings to you both!

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  5. Sounds like you've got the perfect set-up. You just nod, hang your head a little, and agree, "You're right dear; I don't know how to do any of those things. You should just do 'em yerself."

    ;)

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  6. I think you've found the perfect way to get out of work!!

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  7. At times, learning what NOT to do is more important than learning what to do. I don't do washing either. It's due to some unfortunate mix of her clothing and my tennis shoes or something.
    I can't put up tupperware without cussing. I love it but I hate putting it up.
    R

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  8. There isn't anything in our house I'm not to touch. My Mrs. C. won't complain if she catches me doing something.

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  9. SIX YEARS! Your learning curve must be a straight line! You get an 'A' for effort, though.

    Stephen above might be forgetting about HIS Mrs. C and the strainer. I'm pretty sure I remember her being unhappy about that, but maybe he's blocked out that experience.

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  10. There are a few things my Sweetie just doesn't quite do right, and he's glad to not have to do them.

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  11. Im thinking the C stands for Control? Lol. I only care about Some of my clothes not going in the dryer.

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  12. Smile and nod your head then do it her way....as long as she is looking that is.

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  13. Did Mrs. Cranky live by herself for a few years before you too married? Seems like she is set in her ways of how she likes things and doesn't want to change them too much. I would welcome the help myself even if it wasn't quite the way I would do things.

    betty

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  14. I find myself agreeing with Betty above me here, Mrs C is set in her ways and doesn't want too much to change. I can understand the folding of laundry, I like things folded my way, but other things I don't worry about as long as they get done. Even if they aren't done perfectly, I just appreciate that someone has helped out.

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  15. We all have our quirks. My Joe quickly learned to leave things alone which was fair because it excused me from doing stuff he should have done!!!

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  16. I admire your effort to help but think you have found the perfect way to secure more golf time. Being fired from almost all jobs sure frees up the hours.

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  17. I was thinking Mrs. C was way too picky until I realized that my first husband could have written a similar piece about my pickiness. No body else does it perfectly.

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  18. What the heck is a color catcher???

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  19. I'm in a constant state of turmoil here because hubby tries to help and I should be grateful. But he folds the kitchen towels VERTICALLY first! Who does that? It drives me crazy. Then he loads the dish washer without regard for items nested inside each other. Those will never get clean!
    Like you, he is only allowed to move laundry from the washer to the dryer for reasons too numerous to mention. And throwing miscellaneous stuff away is also a crime. All hell broke loose last week when he threw away a cardboard tube from the empty aluminum foil package. I needed that for a grandkids' craft project. Now I have to wait another two years to use the next 500 feet!

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  20. Omg. I totally get this. Especially the whole scissors thing. I have several pair and I don't want anyone touching them because it's true, they always use the wrong ones! I have veggie brushes and pan brushes and I'm a total laundry nazi. Hahahaha. So, you and Mrs. C give me great hope in the relationship dept if I ever choose to jump off that cliff again. Extremely doubtful.. :)

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  21. "...folds the kitchen towels VERTICALLY first! Who does that?"

    I do.

    Paul L. Quandt

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  22. I kinda used to be like this...but decided I like the extra help. Granted the husband does need to be reminded of things like what to place in the dryer. I don't sweat it anymore. If he ruins my outfit I replace it plus I buy another outfit. Two for One, works for me.



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