STUPID HEADLINES 010117

STUPID HEADLINES 010117

It’s time again for

Makes sense to me.

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY

This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider, sometimes sophomoric comments. 

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Pennsylvania mother ate twigs, drank own urine on journey to save family – This sounds very heroic, except the family was at a Chucky Cheese. (No, actually it was very heroic.)

Sisters accused of trying to extort and cyberbully Nigerian billionaire – Ripping off a Nigerian, isn’t this sort of a “Man bites dog” story?

North Texas QB Alec Morris Misses Snap After RB Jeffrey Wilson Vomits on Field – DUDE!!!

Versace used secret 'code' for black customers – African-Americans were offended, apparently they figured out what the code “N-word in the house” meant.

Taliban behead woman for shopping without her husband – F*cking backward barbarians d-bags!!

Attorney Who Allegedly Harassed Ivanka Trump on JetBlue Flight Suddenly Has Nothing to Say – Big brave douchebag and his husband have nothing to say after attacking a mother and her three children on a plane.  Is this an example of “Love trumps hate?”

US considers mining limits to save sage grouse – You can shoot as many as you want, but you can only mine one a day.

Eagles QB Carson Wentz buys shotguns for entire offensive line – That should slow down the pass rush.

Partiers ring in the new year with giant bear costumes – I’d check those costumes for Russian hackers.

Girl teaches her pet cow to jump – She also has a cat with a fiddle, but her dish and spoon ran away.

Trump’s Enemies Enraged His ‘Tragic’ Cameos Are Ruining their Favorite Holiday Films – OMG…get over it for crap sake.  And those movies sucked anyway!  (Little Rascals and Home Alone 2)

AND THE FEEL-GOOD STORY OF THE WEEK:

Grieving Labrador retriever cares for orphaned Bulldog litter: 'Those are her puppies' – Hey, I love Labs and Bulldogs!

http://www.today.com/kindness/grieving-labrador-cares-orphaned-bulldog-puppies-t106337

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Come Back Next Week For More

STUPID HEADLINES!!

Oh…Happy New Year!

A Spelling Rant

A Speling Rant

A cranky rant for

CRANKY RANT SATURDAY

The following is the rant of a cranky old man.  

Begin rant:

I am a terrible speller.  If it were not for spell check I would not blog.  I am actually quite sensitive about my spelling.  My spelling was one reason I did not get good grads in skool and never attempted to enter any profesion that required a lot of righting.

For some reason people with dyslexia are not mocked, they are applauded when, with special help, they overcome their disability.  Pour spellers are never applauded.  They are considered stupid and lazy.

I remember my English teachers telling me,

“There is no excuse for misspelling a word.  If you are unsure, simply look it up in the dictionary.” 

I was so unsure of so many spellings tht it took me longer to check my spelling than it did to write a paper.  Furthermore, I still had misspelled words which I assumed were spelled correctly.  Some words I mispelled so badly that I could not find them in the dictionary so I had to use a different word and my content sufferd.

It burns my but, when I write an 800-word post and some peoples only comment would be,

“You know "your" is for what you possess, "you’re" is what a person is... don’t you?”

“Why yes, yes I do, but sometimes I make that error and spell check will not always highlight the mistake…I guess that makes me an idiot!”

I reed lots of blog posts, and some are near illiterate in grammer and spelling, even worse than mine, and clearly ritten without the help of a word processing program.  I let it go.  I don’t let someones disability distract from there content.  Actually, I think that is a sign of intelligence.

What really chafs my backside is the other week I used the word “isle” instead of “aisle.”  It was immediately called to my attention. 

The correction was harmless of course, but I think spell and grammar editors feel a little special when they can catch an error and don’t realize their correction can sometimes be hurtful, but as I said I am sensitive about my disability.  When I see someone walking with a limp, I don’t say, “Hay, you should probably learn to walk better!”

Well I do have spell check, but it does not always correct mistakes, and I do read and re-read every post before I hit “submit.”  Still errors do slip through.  The other day I was writing in a comment about my misspelling of “aisle” and I noticed that as I typed the word, the “a” was not struck hard enough and I ws left with “isle” which passed the word check paramaters.  Damn!

OK, there is my rant.  Their may be sum erors in this post, they are (most of them) left for the explicit porpose of driving spell and grammer Nazis crasie.

End rant.

The preceding was the rant of a cranky old man and not necessarily that of management…Mrs. Cranky.

If There is a Heaven

If There is a Heaven

Do you believe in Heaven?  I have to admit I am a bit skeptical.  It’s possible; life itself is inconceivable to me and yet here it is…life…so why not Heaven after we are gone?  Which leaves me to wonder, how do we get into Heaven?  What are the qualifications?  God is supposed to be all forgiving, but is that fair?

I can only picture myself in line some years from now (I hope) waiting to meet God and get into Heaven. 

Dang, I am standing behind Hitler!  Apparently, he was put on a waiting list.

“Name please.”

“Hitler.”

“Hitler!  didn’t you kill 7 million Jews?”

“Ah…actually it was 9 million.”

“You know of course they are my chosen people.”

“I did not know that, I might not have killed them if I knew that.”

“Well they are and they were!”

“Ah…I’m sorry.”

“Well as long as you’re sorry, and you did have to wait a long time, come on in, but don’t be mean to any of the Jews.”

So now it’s my turn.

“Name?”

“Joe.”

“Any relation to the son of mine’s Earthly Father?”

“No, just any old Joe.”

“Hmmm, I see here you cheated on a history test in 9^th grade, egg bombed the Newman’s house in high school, and stole a yoyo from EJ Korvettes in 1959.”

“Yes.”

“You know that the Newman’s are Jewish, and EJ Korvettes stood for eight Jewish Korean veterans, don’t you?”

“I knew about the Newman’s.”

“You know how I feel about my chosen people don’t you?”

“Well I know from listening to your talk with Hitler.”

“Hmmm…I think maybe you should think about what you’ve done for a decade or two.”

“A decade or two? Hitler killed 9 million people!  Jews even!”

“Well he did say he was sorry.”

“Well I’m sorry, and I liked the Newman’s, they were very nice…I was just a kid, and the Korvettes thing, it was just a yoyo…Hitler killed 9 million people.”

“Listen, come back next month, write me a letter on why I’m sorry for egg bombing the Newman’s, and I’ll forgive you the yoyo and forget about the test cheating.”

“Thanks God.  Can I ask one favor?”

“Yes.”

“Can I have a room on a different floor than Hitler?”

“Sure…and between you and me, Hitler is being housed in the basement, by the boiler.  He’ll be shoveling coal for a few centuries along with Saddam, Bin Laden, Stalin and that newcomer Castro.”

“What about George Carlin, he did that 7-dirty word thing and often made fun of you?”

“Carlin?  He’s in the penthouse…you think I don’t have a sense of humor?”

“Sorry God…good to know.”

“I’m Sorry, I know It is Ridiculous, but it is required by Law”

“I’m Sorry, I know It is Ridiculous, but it is required by Law”

A cranky rant

In the last two months I have heard the above quote about 73 times.  Why?  I am in the process of going through mortgage approval.

In 1971 I applied for my first mortgage.  I believe I was required to supply identification, my SS number, a W2 proof of income from the prior year, and a current pay stub.  I got the mortgage in a week.

I made squadoodle a year, and had been working for only two years, but I had 20% to put down, I had identification, a SS number, a W2 and a pay stub…done deal.

Currently I have to prove who I am with a copy of a driver’s license, and a copy of my SS card.

I had to show proof that I have health insurance. 

I had to show two years of tax returns with all W2’s and 1099’s and whatever else I never see because my accountant, who is currently facing jail time for embezzlement, submits every year.

I have three brokerage accounts and they required the last two month’s statements and activity for all the accounts.

I claimed my SS income on my tax returns and had the appropriate tax information for that income, but they also wanted proof from SS Office that I was entitled to the income I was claiming.

The driver’s license was easy, take a picture and text it over, but why is that needed to prove who I am?  How do I have brokerage accounts and a SS# if I am not who I say I am? Is that all stolen identity, and if it is couldn’t I fake a driver’s license?

“I’m Sorry, I know It is Ridiculous, but it is required by Law”

 I haven’t had or needed a SS card for over 35 years.  The original was cheap paper and it simply dissolved.  I did not need the card to claim and collect my social security money, but the bank required it.

“I’m Sorry, I know It is Ridiculous, but it is required by Law”

“If I have a W2 from SS showing what they sent me, and I claim that amount on my taxes, why do I need a letter from SS saying that I am entitled to the mount they send me?”

“I’m Sorry, I know It is Ridiculous, but it is required by Law”

“I sent you proof of the balance in my brokerage accounts, why do you need two months of all activity in those accounts?  Isn’t that a little intrusive?”

“I’m Sorry, I know It is Ridiculous, but it is required by Law”

OK, I provided all that information and more.  Mrs. C is not involved in the application, but she had to provide and sigh stuff for some reason that did not make any sense and there was other stuff that I can’t even remember.

“I’m Sorry, I know It is Ridiculous, but it is required by Law”

Today I was informed that everything was approved, they just needed three more little things.

One of the brokerage accounts is a joint account.  They required a letter from Mrs. Cranky that verifies that I am allowed to access the joint account.

“It is a JOINT ACCOUNT!!  Why wouldn’t I be allowed to access a joint account with my name on it?”

“I’m Sorry, I know It is Ridiculous, but it is required by Law”

Then they wanted me to show where I received my monthly SS check.

“It goes directly to my Blah Blah Blah checking account.”

“Well we need two month’s statements showing all activity in that account and the SS deposit.”

“I need to prove that the SS money I declare on my taxes and that I show a W2 form and that SS has sent a letter confirming I am entitled to the money I declare…you want me to prove that I do in fact receive that money?”

“I’m Sorry, I know It is Ridiculous, but it is required by Law”

“Oh, and we also need you to prove that you are taking the required distributions from your 401K account as you are over 70 years old.”

“I need to prove that I am not breaking the law?”

“I’m Sorry, I know It is Ridiculous, but it is required by Law”

“Tell you what, you have on my tax returns the income I declare from my 401K, and you have two month’s activity showing distributions from that account to my other account.  You know my 401k balance.  You have all the information you need to determine what I am required to take out and what I am taking out.  You do the math.”

“We’ll get back to you.”

All this is just for a simple mortgage that with computers should have been approved in maybe an hour.  I can only imagine what is required of any business small or large to get a loan, build a plant, pay taxes, hire an employee, prove expenses, get a license, prove product safety, and on and on and on.

I understand the need for regulations, but when you question a requirement and the answer you get from every level is,

“I’m Sorry, I know It is Ridiculous, but it is required by Law.”

Maybe, just maybe, if everyone from the lowest clerical level all the way up to Congress and the Senate knows it is clearly RIDICULOUS, someone with a brain ought to be able to simplify and or change the law!

“I’m Sorry, I know It is Ridiculous, but…”

Baby It’s Cold Outside

Baby It’s Cold Outside

I always liked the sweet flirtatious duet between a man and a woman, “Baby It’s Cold Outside.” You know the song.  A couple, obviously sexually attracted to each other, ready to break up after, I assume, a night of canoodling is seeking a reason to extend the evening.  She sings,

“I really must go” and he responds,

“But baby it’s cold outside”

and they go back and forth with it ultimately ending with both singing in unison,

“Ah but it’s cold outside.”

Recently several young people have mentioned to me that this song was offensive.  The guy is overly aggressive and does not respect the girl’s wishes to leave…apparently to millennials, the guy is creepy and the song is an anthem for date rape.

Why has this song, which has survived and been popular for so many years, suddenly being interpreted as offensive?

I thought about it, and in one respect he is a little pushy, and it could be a bit creepy, but then I think of it in the context of the time the song was first popular.  This song came out in 1944. 

In 1944 aggressive men were called mashers.  They didn’t have date rape drugs, they had alcohol.  In 1944 no meant no, but only if it was said with authority.  If it was not respected, it was followed by a slap.  Any sexual activity after the slap was molestation. 

Sex was not casual in 1944.  It often ended in pregnancy and if it came before marriage, it often resulted in marriage.  It was serious and perhaps taken more seriously than today.

When I hear “Baby it’s cold outside” I don’t hear creepy, I hear flirtation and indecision.  “I really must go” is sung in a flirtatious manner, not in an I mean business manner.  The fact that today’s youth think the man is overly aggressive and this song is an anthem for date rape points to a difference in sexual attitudes today.

Today’s youth are more “promiscuous” than they were in 1944.  I put that word in quotes because it is almost not a valid word today, it does not have the same connotation as it did in 1944.  Today’s youth can be freer in their sexuality, for many reasons, not the least that there are fewer consequences to sex today.

Men today have a greater expectation of casual sex than in 1944, they may be more embolden because of that expectation.  Women are perhaps a little less aggressive in their rebuffs, not wanting to come off as prudish.  Sexual signals are just not as clear as they were in 1944.

When I hear this song, I hear a man wanting an excuse to neck with his best gal a little longer, and a lady also wanting to extend a kissing session but not wanting to seem to obvious.  They do a flirtatious dance of why she should stay and why she needs to go, both wanting the same thing and ending in using the excuse of the cold having her stay longer.

Millennials hear a man being aggressive and a woman saying no.  He does not give in because he does not respect “no means no.”  Millennials hear the lady staying against her will and probably having date rape sex.

In 1944, no meant maybe, NO! meant NO! and a sharp slap against the face meant anything further was creepy.  For the most part the sharp slap was respected.

I think of this song as a cute, sweet romantic duet.  Perhaps, if halfway through the song there was the sound of a sharp slap and he responded with,

“Ah come on baby you know you want it and it is cold outside”

then I too would think it a really creepy song.

Different times, different interpretations.

This cranky old man in no way advocates aggressive sexual behavior and fully understands and agrees with the meaning of no.  Please do not interpret this post as being in disagreement with the young ladies of today and their attitude against aggressive behavior.    

GET A LIFE!

GET A LIFE!

(OR SHUT THE F*CK UP)

This cranky re-run is from December 2011

Notice how I have mellowed since.

This may pee a few people off, but what the heck, the beauty of being old is not having the time to give a shit.

Several things happened this last week that make me want to just scream, “SHUT THE FUCK UP!”

Some people just look for shit to happen so they can wave a flag and say “Look at me, I’ve got an agenda and I’m not afraid to raise a stink about something to push it.”

POR EXEMPLUM: (What you never took Latin?)

A lady in my town posted on Facebook an open letter to the police about the horrible traffic problem in town and how she is afraid to cross Main Street with her children. She asserts she has almost been KILLED twice by careless drivers. 

Why do I suspect she has an agenda and is looking for attention?  She posted a picture of her son crossing the street.  Her son was wearing a yellow traffic vest and an orange traffic cone hat.  Apparently this is how he is always dressed when going downtown to cross Main Street!

Main Street in Metuchen, NJ is perfectly safe to cross if you just watch where you are going.  Cars cannot travel any faster than 10 MPH down Main Street. 

SHUT THE FUCK UP!! 

The news recently reported that a Woman traveling from Las Vegas to Boston had a TSA agent take away a cupcake as the frosting was a potential explosive (future blog in this subject is in the hopper.) How did the news hear about this “major” incident?  Did the TSA overreact?  Probably.  Is this lady making a big deal about a lousy cupcake? I would have just laughed it off; she goes to the press, who loves to pick on airport security, and she acts like she was horribly victimized. This is not Iran.  They did not strip search and beat you.  They took away a cupcake. 

SHUT THE FUCK UP!!

Today I read an article about a woman being told to not breast feed at a Washington DC Motor Vehicle station. Personally I don’t care if someone breast feeds in front of me, I seldom give more than a passing two or three minute glance.  However, some women are just asking for a scene. They could go to a corner of the room, turn their back and discreetly feed their baby (sometimes a three year old toddler).  Instead in the name of “What is the big deal it is perfectly natural”, they open up without warning in the middle of a crowd just asking for someone to say something. 

You know what?  Peeing is perfectly natural, but if I’m in a car and I have to go, if there is no rest stop available, I pull over and hide behind a tree.  I don’t stand in the middle of the road, pee, and yell at passerbies, “What you never saw someone pee before?  It’s natural you know!” 

SHUT THE FUCK UP!!

Finally what is with those clowns wearing shirts that say stuff like “This is my drinking shirt”?  When you take the time to read what the shirt says, these morons give you shit, “Yo what the fuck you staring at?” 

Listen jerkweed, if you don’t want people staring at your shirt, don’t wear a shirt that says stuff! 

“Here, look at my shirt, it says:

 SHUT THE FUCK UP!!”    

STUPID HEADLINES 122616

STUPID HEADLINES 122616

It’s time again for

Maybe they should try shark repellant

 STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY (on a Monday)

This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider, sometimes sophomoric comments. 

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About 70 employees get sick after health department party – Maybe they should call in the Health Department.

Airbus finalizes deal with Iran for 100 planes – Ok, so Iran gives Airbus 100 planes to finalize the deal, but what is the deal? Who writes these headlines?

Oldest known living gorilla in U.S. turns 60 – Dang, Hulk Hogan is 60 already?

Contents of first discovered Philistine cemetery revealed – Turns out there were mostly a lot of dead Philistines!

Scientists Found Something Surprising Near Uranus – For the love of God, would someone please rename this planet!

Michelle Obama: Barack Obama is the Parent and the American Public Are His Hurt Little Kids – I don’t dislike President Obama, but I had a daddy and he was at least as smart as the President.  Does anyone else find this offensive?  Probably just me.

Couple Finally Gets Married After 41 Years of Dating – And boy are they horny!

NFL security guard fired after apparent sex act during game – A Mr. Castanza was later quoted asking, “Was that wrong? Should I not have done that? If I knew that that sort of thing was frowned upon...”

Your poop can be turned into fuel – But your car will get shitty mileage.

George Washington University Removes U.S. History as a Requirement for History Majors – Big deal, and why would a college named after the guy who invented the peanut be concerned about American History?

Drugged driver leads cops on chase through airport – Why would cops have a drugged driver lead them in a chase, seem like he would only slow them down.

THE FEEL GOOD HEADLINE THIS WEEK:

Black Man Befriending KKK Members Has Led to 200 People Quitting the Organization - Daryl Davis is a black blues musician who has traveled the country for the last 30 years befriending members of the Ku Klux Klan.  This mission is not out of any sort of misplaced empathy with the organization’s racism – the 58-year-old believes that when Klansmen actually sit down and talk with a black man, they will find that their hatred is misplaced – and he’s usually right.

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Come Back Next Week For More

STUPID HEADLINES!!