The Truth About Valentine’s Day Gifts

The Truth About Valentine’s Day Gifts

Warning, the following post comes from a man working on his third marriage. 

      Past performance is the best predictor of future results.

It’s February, that means that Valentine’s Day is approaching.  Who invented this horrible holiday?  Women grow excited with anticipation of her man actually being romantic for one day of the year.  Men grow frantic with worry because they have no clue what to do that could possibly satiate their lady’s anticipation.

I recently read a post about what men should not get their woman for Valentine’s Day.

Apparently flowers and candy are out…too cheesy and they say, “You just grabbed something quickly on the way home.”

Sexy lingerie just says, “You want sex with a slut.”

Gym equipment says, “You’re fat.” Cookware says, “You need to improve in the kitchen.” A new vacuum cleaner means, “You’re just a maid.”  A book means, “You need to improve your mind.” Perfume means “You want someone who smells like a whore”  Etc. etc. etc.

Get the fuck out!

First of all women always say, “Oh I don’t want anything, it’s not important.”  Ok, it takes years for men, who take everything literally, to learn that is just a test.  “I don’t want anything” means “you better get something and it has to be because you want to.”

So we finally figure out that it is important that we get something for Valentine’s Day of our own volition and just because we really care (like you really believe that anyway); and now there are lists of gifts that even though TV commercials scream that this is what women want…you really don’t want this stuff?  This stuff actually pisses you off because there is not enough thought put in the gift, or it is the wrong thought, or blah, blah, blah.

OK, you really do want something, we have to put thought into it, and it better be original.  What do you want?

The post I read say’s women want sensitive stuff.  A DVD of a chick flick that you never wanted to watch; a day at a spa; a book of “Good For" coupons.  Good for one bed-making, Good for one back rub, Good for breakfast in bed and so on and so on.

Get the fuck out. 

If you want to be married to a heterosexual man, you have to deal with gifts that are not all sensitive and gooey, because when we give sensitive stuff, most of the time you know it is fake anyway.

Here is the truth about Valentine’s Day and gifts.  Women will deny it, because even they don’t know it:

If a  woman really loves her man, whatever he gets for her will be either thoughtful, wonderful or and this is reserved for the lamest of all gifts…cute. 

That’s right guys if your woman is in love with you whatever you do will put her over the moon.  Keep in mind that you have to do something, do not fall for that “Oh, don’t do anything, it is not important” crap…that is a test and a trap! I cannot stress this enough

If your lady is not in a loving way, if she is bored with the relationship, if she is not feeling romantic, if she thinks you are a loser, then it will not matter one whit what you do or don’t do, get or don’t get; if she ain’t happy before Valentine’s Day, whatever you do for Valentines’ Day will be lame.

In summation, men, if you fuck up all year, there is not a damn thing you can do on Valentine’s Day that will even the score.  If you have been paying proper attention to your lady all year, anything you do or get will be at the very least “cute!”

But you must do something!