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Wednesday, February 17, 2016



I went to the gym today and ran my daily six miles on the treadmill.  OK, I ran three miles, only I walked most of it and I only do this 2-3 times a week…I plan to do six miles every day, but I am often very busy doing…ah…stuff.

Anyway, after my workout I went to the grocery store to pick up a few items.  Mrs. C gave me a list but I didn’t have to read it.  Two items were my request and the other two items I was able to commit to memory.

When I walked in, I was followed by a young mother and a squeaky four year old girl.  The young mother seemed nice, but I immediately disliked the squeaky little girl.  I am a cranky old man; I am not supposed to find squeaky little people cute.  They are supposed to annoy me.   They almost always meet my expectations.

I made a complete loop around the store to gather my four items.   Truthfully I made two loops around the store because I missed one aisle.  It is part of being a guy; you are expected to miss an aisle.  Anyway, this delay put me directly behind the young mom and the squeaky little girl in the checkout line.

The squeaky one wanted a candy bar.  She wanted it because she saw it.  She saw it because stores always put candy at the checkout lines and they put them at eye level for squeaky little people.  Mom said no.  Squeaky said please.  Mom said we have candy at home.  Squeaky disagreed.  Mom firmly said no.  Squeaky stomped her foot several times.  Mom ignored the foot stomping.  I was starting to like the mom more and the squeaky little person even less.

After the foot stomping, the little girl turned into an angel.  Well she put on an angel act, as she grabbed the candy bar and held it behind her back.  I ignored the act of thievery.  I assumed she would be caught by mom as generally little people are not good at hiding stuff.

This little people was very good at hiding stuff and was about to pull off her candy heist. 

The cranky old man would have none of it.  I coughed and when the mom looked at me I gave her the eye and nodded towards her squeaky child.  She returned my glance quizzically and I mouthed “candy bar” while nodding again toward the thief.

“What do you have?”


“Show me you hands.”

“I have nothing.”

“Show me both hands!”


“Wait until we get home young lady and don’t expect any treats tonight!  And DO NOT EVEN TRY TO STOMP YOUR FEET OR CRY!”

She did thank me as she left.  The little person gave me the evil eye.

So there it is; I am a rat.  But this rat is on the side of tired moms and the enemy of squeaky little people.


  1. What Joseph said. Good job.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

  2. You potentially saved her from a life of crime :)


  3. I know if I was that mother I would sooooo appreciate you.

  4. That 'Crime Does Not Pay' lesson is one that Squeaky will eventually be grateful for having learned. Not to say that she, or anyone else, will ever thank you personally.

    So allow me - Thanks, Joe!

  5. Perhaps you could devise a way of removing the temptation in the first place. Legally, of course.

  6. Excellent work. You may have saved that child from a life of misery, because once they get away with it one time, they think they can again and again, and getting caught later brings worse consequences.

  7. Ah, yes, that little one needed admonishing, for sure. I wonder though how often she pulls that trick. Glad you were around.

  8. I would have ratted her out too :) The kid will thank you some day...actually, she probably wishes you'd get hit by a bus.

  9. Thievery is one thing - that squeaking would drive me nuts. I look like a grammy and I AM a grammy, but no squeaking, please! Watch your back, Cranky!

  10. I really cranky old man would have bought one of those candy bars and eaten it in front of her. I suspect you have a soft side, although I admit nasty unmanageable kids rattle my chain too.

  11. Actually proud of you. With just a cough, a nod and a wink and you saved that little squeaker from a possible life as a petty criminal. Who knows what it could have led to had she succeeded. Well done.

  12. That little girl is going to grow up and she's going to remember you. I hope she doesn't know where you live.

  13. You saved her from a life of crime! Candy bars today, truffles tomorrow...who knows where it will all end.

  14. It takes a cranky check-out line to raise a child.

  15. kids are sneaky little buggers! I'm rather glad you 'outed' her, but things could have got nasty if the mother had turned on you for interfering.At least now the child might think twice about taking candy again.

  16. Good for you for stopping the little shoplifter!


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