Bitch in Reserve
A cranky observation
Most men
know that with their woman, there is no double jeopardy or statute of limitations for
screw-ups. If you got drunk and made a
pass at her old college roommate, it will be brought up again and again as
needed to win an argument or put you in your place. If you crashed the car, you will relive that
screw-up forever. Yes men, for the big
screw-ups there is no relief, they will be thrown back in your face again and
again.
What many
men do not understand relates to the little screw-ups. Little screw-ups are not always mentioned by
your wife. There are little screw-ups you don't even know of. There are little screw-ups
you may think you got away with. But,
just as your readers know you just ended two sentences with a preposition, you
will never slip a screw-up past your wife.
Your wife knows you forgot to turn out a light; left the door unlocked or adjusted the seat in her car. She may not tell you or complain right away, she will always keep a bitch in reserve.
Your wife knows you forgot to turn out a light; left the door unlocked or adjusted the seat in her car. She may not tell you or complain right away, she will always keep a bitch in reserve.
Men, you
will never win an argument, or make a point by complaining about any of your wife’s
shortcomings, because she always has a comeback. She always has a bitch in reserve.
I am on my
third marriage, and it is only now that I have figured this out. Today I made a comment to Mrs. C about her
letting the unwashed Tupperware build up in the dirty Tupperware kitchen
counter corner (Regular readers know that I am not allowed to touch the
Tupperware.) She did not defend herself, she made no excuses she just
immediately went into attack mode.
“Well do you know you left the hall
light on last night when you went bowling?
I came home from work and was scared that someone was in the house; and
by the way, you left the front door unlocked this afternoon…you were the last
one in, you have to lock the door!”
Suddenly a
light went off in my head.
“Wait a minute, when were you going
to tell me about the light and the door?”
“Um…I was going to tell you.”
“When?”
“You know, like when the time was
right.”
“And the time was right when I
complained about the Tupperware?”
“Yeah, sort of.”
“You store these things up don’t
you…you always have a bitch in reserve for just these situations.”
“Maybe.”
“What else do you have? What other screw-ups of mine are you just
holding in reserve in case I have a legitimate gripe about you?”
“Nothing.”
“Really.”
“Nothing, but if need be I’m sure I
can think of something…JERK!”
It has taken
me over forty years of marriage to three different women to realize that a man
can never put anything over on a woman, because they always have ammunition at
the ready. They will let you know about
your screw-ups, but they always keep at least one bitch in reserve.
Finally figured that out, did you, Joe?
ReplyDeleteI was blessed in my second marriage.
ReplyDeleteGS didn't hold things in reserve.
I heard about my screw-ups right away in a non-judgmental way.
Also she never NEVER! dredged up old injuries, either.
OTOH, my first spouse was expert at listing every single screw-up every time there was another.
I may bring down the wrath of many other women, but I don't do this. I've never done it. There didn't seem to be any point, since I probably made just as many mistakes as he did. The 'he' being both husbands, in turn.
ReplyDeleteGosh Joe - You're a slow learner! SD is obviously perfect so he never screws up (according to SD anyway ...) but there was that time he left the bathroom light on - just walked away from it without a care in the world. I'm going to mention that someday you just watch me!
ReplyDeletewe are crafty and never forget. :)
ReplyDeleteUnless, of course, you are married to the person who never messes up anything!
ReplyDeleteI think we all have our quirks. It makes things interesting. I love your conversations with your wife. They are most entertaining.
ReplyDeleteHave a fabulous day. ☺
Now you know the weapon she has--a super memory she isn't afraid to use--you can adjust your future complaints--like letting them slide.
ReplyDeleteI'm inclined to state that you don't have to play by your wife's rules but since you're on your third arrange I won't.
ReplyDeleteNot me, Joeh - maybe that's why I' ve been married going on 50 years.
ReplyDeleteOh, come on! It's a man's world, and this is our way to level the playing field.
ReplyDeleteUnwashed tupperware corner?
ReplyDeleteI bet it would be to your advantage
just to learn to forget it. LOL
Men have the "remember that one time when you didn't write down the check in the check register" line. Women have the bitch in reserve.
ReplyDeleteYin and yang. Even Steven. Comme ci comme ça.
Seems reversed here; when I bring up (rarely) something that hubby might not have done, I get a big list of things he remembers I hadn't done. I've learned to keep my mouth shut a lot. Sometimes the best gift we can give someone is the gift of silence :)
ReplyDeletebetty