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Friday, July 31, 2015

Things Guys Never Do

Things Guys Never Do
Men and women are different.  That is not an earth shattering observation.  They are not just different in their plumbing and their instincts to nurture; these are obvious differences that aid women in child bearing and care, their original and once traditional place in the family unit.  There are also differences that are universal, but defy explanation.  These are things that almost all women do that almost no man would ever do.

When a woman is surprised she instinctively covers her mouth with her hands.  For some reason a woman does not want to show an open mouth when they are surprised.  A man puts his hands out and yells “No friggin way!”

When a woman is touched by something she clutches her heart and says “Aww!” A man just yells, “How friggin cool is that?”

When a woman is overcome with emotion, happy or sad, she fans her eyes.  They do this whether or not they have eye makeup.  When a man is overcome with joy, he will clap his hands, or high five his buddy, if he is pissed off, he will break something.

When a young woman takes a selfie, she either sticks out her tongue, or puckers her lips kiss like.  When guys take a selfie they wave their arms and holler.

Women somehow are able to hold in a fart.  Men will ask you to pull their finger.

Women somehow are able to hold in a belch.  Men will try and burp out the alphabet.

When women get a present they neatly unwrap and save the paper.  Men tear that stuff off, roll it in a ball and then try to hit a three pointer in the wastebasket.

Women will call a friend just to say hello; they can say hello for hours.  Men will only make a call if they have to, and a call seldom lasts more than two minutes.

Women will commonly ask another woman to accompany them to the bathroom.  Men only go solo; if they run into someone they know, conversation is discouraged. “Dude” or “How’s it going” is considered conversation.

That’s it, otherwise we are completely alike.


  1. the women i am working with now burp and belch! i've never been around women that routinely did that before! so not all hold it in, apparently! :)

  2. LOL.....I do do some of these, but I've never clutched my heart nor fanned my eyes. I also have never taken a selfie because I'm not 15 years old........hahaha.

    I'm totally guilty of the phone call thing.

  3. We are not completely alike at all and that's the good news. We are different and that's a good thing. We should compliment each other and often we do. I also do some of those guy things. Just saying.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

  4. I think you nailed it pretty well :)


  5. Although you might have overstated the numbers of men and women who fit the descriptions - MIGHT have - this is still amazingly spot on for many. I never noticed the "flappy hands when about to cry" until you mentioned it - and dang it all if I don't do just that ... thanks for the smile today, Joe.

  6. Fun as always. It's amazing how different we are. I liked your funny comments about these differences.

  7. I definitely do most of those with the exception of the wrapping paper one - I rip it all of and throw it on the floor. SD however carefully opens one end, slides the present out and then, get this, PUTS IT BACK INTO THE WRAPPING. Now that's weird!

  8. The last might be because women's public toilets have doors. There is no trough peeing for us or occasion for comparison so we enjoy the company.

  9. Regarding my post you are exactly right in the double danger of sinking land and rising seas. Some of this sinking is also likely to do to the great amounts of water we pull out of the ground. We are much bigger than most think!

  10. We go to the bathroom together so we can talk about you. You knew that, right?

  11. I think I'm only part woman.

  12. You're pretty spot on with a lot of these. But all of 'em are funny!

  13. Nailed it!

    I feel I need to add to the list, because I always guess the wrong fake headline:

    When women write an "i" they will occasionally dot it by making a little heart above the letter. Men, on the other hand, will never do that.

  14. Friends who call just to say hello and tie you up on the phone for hours can make me crazy! Sometimes i'm in the mood to talk, if it's been a while since we saw each other, but if i just saw you earlier today or yesterday, i'm all talked out!

    The eye-fanning i've seen some women do is to keep from crying and ruining the eye make-up.

  15. Have to admit these differences are something I rarely think about. And I'm thankful not too many people know my phone number.

  16. Well, I'm one of those who believe many of the so-called innate differences are due to PATRIARCHY! Eg women covering their mouths when shocked/surprised is because from a young age girls are subtly but constantly taught to regulate their emotions and keep their reactions "nice". You see the exact same behaviours and reactions to things in little boys and girls, but from the early school years the differences start to set in. If you closely watch young kids and the adults who guide them (including yourself!) it is surprising how many of the differences between boys and girls turn out to be socially pushed. Not saying I don't think men and women are different. They are, just not as much as we tend to think.
    And I never fan my eyes when emotional. My sister and I do this in a joking way to each other, kind of making fun of the girls who do this. It's something to do with manicured nails I think :)

  17. Hi Cranky Man,

    I agree with all except the last point. It is FORBIDDEN for me to talk to each other in the toilet.

    It's the law!




  18. Nailed it. You forgot to mention the Q-tips. The waste basket in my wife's bathroom has thousands (may be an exaggeration) of them at any given time. What's that about?


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