How Long Are You Going
To Take
I often
write about Mrs. Cranky. Lately I am
paying special attention to how she treats me.
You see we have been married now four and a half years. In six months I have a big decision to
make. Mrs. Cranky doesn’t believe me,
but when we married there was some legal papers filed. I claim there is a
clause which apparently she and her lawyer missed that gives me a chance to
reevaluate the relationship after five years.
I call it the bail-out clause.
So far
things are going very nicely. Except for
being called a jerk from time to time, we have a very nice relationship; however
since I only have this one time and one time only chance of activating my bail-out
clause I am closely evaluating her behavior.
Today for
instance, I was washing dishes. We are
in a small apartment on the Shore where the kitchen is only feet from the
living area. We have no dishwasher, so I
like to keep on top of the dirty dishes.
It was 11:00 and I was running the hot water and scrubbing dishes, pots
and pans.
“How much longer are you going to be?”
“Maybe ten minutes. What am I making too much noise washing
dishes? Oh, what a horrible
inconsiderate husband, noisily washing the dishes while you are trying to get
caught up on “Say Yes to the Dress” on the TV.
I am sooo sorry.”
“I didn’t say you were making too
much noise.”
“I know you; I know exactly why you
were asking.”
“I don’t think you do.”
“Then why do you care that I am
washing the dishes?”
“Well it is not because I can’t hear.”
“OK, I’m sorry, I thought I was disturbing
your TV watching with my dish washing. “
“See, you don’t know everything Mr.
Smartypants.”
“So why do you care how much longer I
am going to take doing the dishes?”
“Just curious.”
“WHY…?”
“OK, I’m watching on-demand and have
the TV on pause while you are making all that noise.”
One step closer
to invoking the clause in six months.
I've said it before, but you do enjoy living dangerously. I've never heard of a wedding contract with a bail-out or Get-Out-Of-Jail clause. I wonder if I have such a thing. Of course I'd need to ask my Mrs. C. where it is because she's hidden all the important stuff.
ReplyDeleteSee you're being a jerk again. Bwahahahahahaha. I love your conversations with the Mrs. I really do. Never a dull moment at your house.
ReplyDeleteHave a fabulous day on the Jersey shore. ☺
No, I think I see the two of you living happily ever after for the rest of your lives together.
ReplyDeletebetty
Somehow, I think if you did invoke your "5 year no-fault warranty" you'd have serious "seller's remorse!"
ReplyDeleteMy husband & I celebrated our 60th anniversary this year. I feel that gives me the right to make a suggestion. For some time now, I’ve felt that marriage licenses should be treated more like driver’s licenses. You should either have the option to renew them every 5 years or so, or turn them back in—never to drive, or to be married, again. I would PROBABLY have renewed mine, but as for Bud—who knows?
ReplyDeleteSome of you married people are so silly! I have a dear friend who has been married to a Joe-squared, who I may safely call that as I new him ten years before I knew her. They've been married going on 20 years, now. After about five years she demanded a state of the marriage meeting. It did not accomplish a who lot more than her Joe-Squared husband acknowledging his faults and realizing when he needs to call a state of the marriage meeting to apologize. As they have gone on, as I said, for nearly twenty years, I think you will be renewing the waranty.
ReplyDeleteWe're pushing fifty years of this but I suspect the statute of limitations has run out. Or maybe a high priced lawyer can do something for me....?
ReplyDeleteYou'd better be careful, Joe. Women have lawyers, too, these days.
ReplyDeleteWhenever I do the dishes, I can hear the volume of the TV go way up! God forbid he should miss a grunt from a zombie on The Walking Dead
ReplyDeleteTV disturbance is the least of the inconvenience compared to all the good things you have with MRS.C.
ReplyDelete"JERK" is a name a lot of women give men, so your wife calls you that big deal LOL.
Huh. My husband turns the TV up so loud I can hardly hear myself do the dishes!
ReplyDeleteHeeheehee! You two belong together.
ReplyDeletelol!
ReplyDeleteThose kinds of clauses can be very, very important. Mine says that if George Clooney knocks on the door, I have a freebie "cheat night" with him.
ReplyDeleteYou run the hot water while you wash dishes??
ReplyDeleteThat's probably why there is no water left for Australia, you Yankees use it all...............(*~*)
Down here, we just put hot water and detergent in the sink, wash up as quick as we can before it cools, then pour a pan of hot water over what's in the drainer to clear the suds. Well, some do, I just dry them without the rinsing.
The more I read of Mrs Cranky the more I like her. She seems to be a woman after my own heart.
ReplyDeleteLike the other Val, I can't even think for the noise of the television when hubby is watching it.
Hahahahahahaha! I love Mrs. Cranky and I totally get it. She's a keeper, forget about that clause. ;)
ReplyDeleteNext are you going to tell us that, as an eternal optimist, you get up every morning and check the milk carton to see if her picture is on the side?
ReplyDeleteDon't even THINK of giving her a medical power of attorney! ;)
Hey, if you're gonna read minds save it for when she WANTS you to read her mind .... :-)
ReplyDeleteHi Cranky Man,
ReplyDelete"Bail out clause" - I love it.
Sadly, Mrs PM would relieve me of my spine (and other parts) if I even hinted that such an item existed.
:o)
Cheers
PM
Paper plates Joe - could be a marriage saver ...
ReplyDeleteStrike one. Curious, since you have a bail out---if you don't use it will you re-up with a new contract or just go for 'till death do us part?'
ReplyDeleteI've been married 22 years. I guess my 6 month clause has expired. Damn.
ReplyDelete