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Tuesday, March 18, 2014

WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?


WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?

Perhaps the greatest validation a parent can receive is for his own children to emulate his parenting style.  I recently observed my son copying one of my main parenting rules…never be a referee.  Actually I did not realize this was my rule until my son reminded me.

One of the Crankettes came running to my son complaining that he was pushed and hit by his older sibling.  My son’s response?

“What did you do to him?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

“I tookt his ball.”

“Give the ball back and stop fighting.”

The Crankette returned to his brother and they went on playing without incident.

My son then turned to me and said,

“I learned that from you, you know.”

“Learned what.”

“That the way to stop from being a referee is to always take the non-whiners side.  You always did that.  Mike and I learned quickly to never bring you into an argument.  We settled our battles without you because you always asked, ‘What did you do to him’.

“Really.”

“Oh yeah, one time Mike and I got into a fight when you and mom were out to dinner.  He pushed me and just as you and mom came home, I punched him in the nose.  His nose started to bleed.  He didn’t have a chance to retaliate. He didn’t cry, but he was mad at me.  He was mad at me because,

‘Now I’m going to be in trouble because dad is going to ask what did I do to make you punch me.’ 

Sure enough, you heard the ruckus, came upstairs, saw Mike’s bloody nose and yelled,

‘What did you do to make Matt punch you?’

Because you always assumed any battle was the result of retaliation from what the other must have done, we never bothered to bring you into our battles.  I am using the same technique.”

I am so proud!

12 comments:

  1. What a wise man you didn't know you were!

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  2. Nice to be validated every once in a while, innit?

    :-)

    Pearl

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  3. too funny! thanks for the laugh.

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  4. When can we expect your book on child rearing?

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  5. As you should be. Taking the non-whiners side stops the whining. I hear way too much whining anymore.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

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  6. Good move on your part. Obviously it taught them to settle their differences between themselves. It's not your fight, why should you be involved?

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  7. Too bad this wisdom can't be applied in at a global level. Just think about Syria, Crimea, Sudan, Pakistan, Republicans and Democrats...it boggles the mind.

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  8. It is nice that your rules and strategies are being used by your kids.

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  9. There you go...you need to put this in a book. Everyone will buy it. You'll be rich.

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  10. You *should* be proud. That's pretty awesome. And I think it's even more awesome your son admitted to you that he learned it from you. What a warm fuzzy for you.

    I probably did this all wrong with my daughters, especially the younger two. They still battle one another (they're 29 and 30), and part if it might be that I typically chose the side of the whiner.

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  11. and peace shall reign over the kingdom ... ;)

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  12. Wow! You are like Dr. Spock, T. Berry Brazelton, Penelope Leach, and Judge Judy all intertwined into one during a wrestle royale.

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