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Saturday, March 15, 2014


A cranky opinion for


The following is the opinion of a cranky old man who has only limited knowledge on the subject opined.  Opposing opinions are welcome, they are wrong, but welcome and please, no name calling and that means you, you big stupid head.

A recent NJ court decision “N.J. judge cites women's rights in barring unwed dad from child's birth” stirred up this cranky opinion.

I completely agree with this judge’s decision that a woman has the right to privacy and to bar anyone including the father from the hospital delivery room.  Not only do I agree with this decision, I would like to go one step further…Fathers should, in all but the most unusual circumstances, be barred from the delivery room.

I know all about this “most beautiful experience a man could have” stuff.  I have been subjected to four such beautiful experiences.  I was told I would be my wife’s birthing coach, I would be an integral part of the process, and my presence would forge an even closer relationship between my wife and myself.

Crap, crap, and crap.  I was a useful birthing coach up until dilation of four centimeters; at that point I became the object of my wife’s anger.

“Pant, pant, blow, pant, pant, blow…that’s right, you are doing great.”

“FUCK YOU great…this is all your fault, you think I’m doing great, why don’t you try pushing a football out you asshole you douche!”

“I know it is hard, but concentrate, breath through the pain, hold my hand, I’m here for you.”

“I know you are here, but you ARE NOT HELPING.  If you want to help me just shut the fuck up!”

I soon learned to just STFU, and dab her brow with a damp cloth and feed her ice chips.

When the time came for the actual delivery, I saw something that no man should be forced to watch.  My wife’s most private of parts turned inside out.  It was hideous.

The result of the father’s presence in the delivery room is:

The mother associates all the pain and misery of delivery with the father.  Every time she sees the father she is brought back to the worst hours of the delivery process.  She remembers how totally useless her man was.  She remembers how his nervousness, panic, and attempts to help actually made her more tense and self-conscious.  

Dad remembers the name calling, the screaming, and the helplessness.  Dad remembers his wife acting like Linda Blair in “The Exorcist.” He remembers her body being turned inside out and he will never look at her the same again.

Husbands and wives should not see each other at their worst.  In the delivery room, they are both at their worst.  Women should give birth with the help and empathy that only another woman can provide.  They should deliver with the help of the doctor and a nurse…no one else.

Men should pace back and forth in a waiting room.  They can worry without their wife seeing.  Women do not like to see their man being helpless.  Man should not see his wife until after the baby is born.

It is then, when his woman is experiencing the ecstasy of birth that he should be the first person she sees.  It is in her elation at this time that seeing the father will strengthen the parental bonds.  It is in this moment that the marriage becomes even stronger.

For the sake of the marriage, for the sake of the child, keep men the hell out of the delivery room.

The preceding opinion was that of a cranky old man, and not necessarily that of management…Mrs. Cranky.


  1. Totally agree. I've only witness critters being born to animals on the farm. Never wanted to witness a human doing it. Never did. My wife had already popped out our two before we met. I skipped right over that messy business.

  2. The first time my respective daughters delivered the mothers-in-law looked at each other in the privacy of the baby showers and said "I won't be there, will you?" The second child didn't even rise to this reaction. The morning after phone call is so lovely.

  3. Jim tells me that I took it out on the doctors and nurses and none of them wanted to even come into the labor room to take care of me. I don't remember much about it and I'm sticking to that story.

  4. That's exactly what we women are thinking too. We don't need you around one bit. I'm just saying.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

  5. That's funny as hell! I was there for 2 of my 3 daughters births, and I don't remember it as quite that bad, but then the wife was heavily sedated and singing nursery rhymes and just trying to keep her eyes from crossing, so....



    the whole event was so unpleasant

  7. I think the key here is that this was an "unwed" dad. Men shouldn't get to be in the delivery room just because they knocked someone up, but if you're legally married and want to see your child being born, I don't think you should be denied. Having said this, I was present for the birth of my son and I'd have preferred to be in the Waiting Room.

  8. I had three kids and every single time, my husband was with me in the delivery room. Wouldn't have it any other way.

    Really, it should be something the mother and father of the baby decide. Nothing else should factor in that decision.

  9. For the sake of the marriage, for the sake of the child...keep men out of the shower when the woman announces that it's time to leave for the hospital because contractions are five minutes apart.

    Because if you get there too late, you CAN'T GET AN EPIDURAL!

  10. yeah, I couldn't agree with you more or less. some men just don't belong there. on the other hand, ain't much that coulda kept me away. we had some rough experiences but both worked to bring us closer rather than force us apart.

    and just, you know, for the record a c-section is one of the coolest things i've ever seen. truly amazing. the second was a bit more natural but you wouldn't believe how hard stirrups are. yeah, there's more to the story .....

  11. I've never understood why women say things like that to their partners in the delivery room.
    "..this is all your fault..."
    Really? SHE didn't take part in the conception?
    I've personally never known anyone who did say those things, certainly my daughter was very grateful for the help she had from her husband as their children were born.

  12. My husband was there for the birth of our girls and I was really glad to have him - not that he was much help, he nearly fainted and the nurses had to give him crackers to munch on. What a trouper.
    To be fair it was a caesarian and to give him his due he did stand up and get a good look, and said later it was "really weird". He declined to cut the cord when it was offered to him - too much!