STUPID HEADLINES 042813
It is time once again for:
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY
This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes
offensive comments
I am a
comment whore so I am continuing with a new wrinkle to Stupid Headlines:
“Guess the phony headline”
One headline is completely made up. Anyone who correctly guesses
the phony headline will get a mention in next Sunday’s post.*
72,000 Ladybugs Released in Mall – Riot occurs in battle over little
tiny pocketbook sale.
Bride Wears Dress Made From 10,000
Bread Tags – Only to find it wouldn’t fit because she gained 46
pounds.
EXCLUSIVE: Ellen DeGeneres And
Manager Eric Gold Part After She Tried To Cap Him – Isn’t trying to “Cap” someone
like…um…ATTEMPTED MURDER!!
Iran
condemns the Boston bombing, with a caveat – “Iran condemns the
horrific terrorist act in Boston and we pray for all the victims…except
of course any Jews.”
Ben Affleck plans to live on $1.50 per day for at least
one day – OMG, one whole
day!
Ben Affleck preps for colonoscopy – “I have to fast for one whole day!” (ok, this one doesn’t count.)
New Jersey teacher fired for allegedly urinating in
classroom – “Is that
wrong? No one ever said anything about
peeing in the classroom. I wouldn’t have
done it if I knew it was wrong.” Teacher
takes the Constanza defense.
Ex-MF Global CEO Corzine Sued by Trustee – If they make a movie about our ex-governor, I am available.
Ex-MF Global CEO Corzine Sued by Trustee – If they make a movie about our ex-governor, I am available.
Ford recalls first Model T’s produced
in 1908 – Apparently
a design flaw causes a running board malfunction after 105 years.
The World's Greatest Tree Planter to
Plant a Second Whole Forest – Only two forests? That
is the World’s greatest tree grower?
Can we have a recount?
New $100 bill to enter
circulation in October – Unfortunately
I don’t travel in those circles.
Kansas woman greeted by circus tiger in bathroom – Come on lady, read the signs on the doors…BOYS/Girls/Girowls
Aggressive Girls Put Teenage Boy In Embarrassing State
– Boy manages to escape from
Arkansas. (Oh relax Arkansasians it’s a joke…Lou, you too Carolyn and Melissa!)
Foot-Long
Elephant Bird Egg Sells for More Than $100,000 at Auction – Now the buyer is looking for a
twenty pound slab of Elephant bacon.
Samurai sword-wielding Mormon bishop comes to aid of
woman being attacked – Sometimes those
samurai sword-wielding Mormon bishops are good to have around.
Don't Relax TV Indecency Standards, Viewers Urge the
FCC – Cause if we see a little titty that
shit will fuck us up.
*Last week’s
winners who correctly identified the phony headline:
Ants have Aunts…scientists confirm – So do monkeys have uncles?
Non-blogger
winners:
Mrs. Cranky
Step-Crank Cassie
The rest of you
guessers should be ashamed of yourselves!
Ants have Aunts…DUH!
I'm going for the Model T as fake this week. Though I was sorely tempted by the bread tag dress, because how can she wear it if it doesn't fit?
ReplyDeleteI think it's the Model T Ford, but what do I know?
ReplyDeletewell, glad i was right last week, cuz this week i'm not sure. :)i'll take the mormon bishop.
ReplyDeleteMy votes with the Lady bugs this week
ReplyDeleteHaven't a clue again and don't care....I am not competitive. Besides, how can one pick the impossible out of the improbables.
ReplyDeleteHell,, I can't even come up sith a favorite. I just love Stupid Headlines.
I don't think Ben Affleck is prepping for a colonoscopy.
ReplyDeleteHaha, thanks for the laughs! Circus tiger. Although I'm enjoying the The Hangover flashback.
ReplyDeleteIs the odd one out Ford recalls first Model T’s produced in 1908?
ReplyDeleteIDK this is a hard one I have caught quite a few of those headliners this week. :) Because one of my braniac kids who graduated from public school recently asked, "Did they even make cars back then?" I am going with the 1908 Ford!
ReplyDeleteOkay, well first of all... I don't see why ants can't have aunts. Maybe I've got the pregnancy brain going on here, or I got an F in science when we studied the reproduction of ants. Either way, why can't ants have aunts? they have brothers and sisters, don't they? moms and dads? No aunts or uncles? Does the queen aunt not have a sister? Okay wait...maybe that's the answer. There is only one queen. The two who made her must have died. So she has no siblings. No siblings means no aunts for her offspring. Okay ...call me slow.
ReplyDeleteSo my guess this week: The model T -- that just sounds....very odd. I think that's the made-up headline.