THE CRANKY OLD MAN
Random thoughts and stuff from a cranky old man. Humor (maybe), satire, and some politics, mostly stuff from a confused head.
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Sunday, April 28, 2013
STUPID HEADLINES 042813
STUPID HEADLINES 042813
It is time once again for:
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY
This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes
Well, fewer live deer.
I am a
comment whore so I am continuing with a new wrinkle to Stupid Headlines:
“Guess the phony headline”
One headline is completely made up. Anyone who correctly guesses
the phony headline will get a mention in next Sunday’s post.*
72,000 Ladybugs Released in Mall – Riot occurs in battle over little
tiny pocketbook sale.
Bride Wears Dress Made From 10,000
Bread Tags – Only to find it wouldn’t fit because she gained 46
EXCLUSIVE: Ellen DeGeneres And
Manager Eric Gold Part After She Tried To Cap Him – Isn’t trying to “Cap” someone
condemns the Boston bombing, with a caveat – “Iran condemns the
horrific terrorist act in Boston and we pray for all the victims…except
of course any Jews.”
Ben Affleck plans to live on $1.50 per day for at least
one day – OMG, one whole
Ben Affleck preps for colonoscopy – “I have to fast for one whole day!” (ok, this one doesn’t count.)
New Jersey teacher fired for allegedly urinating in
classroom – “Is that
wrong?No one ever said anything about
peeing in the classroom.I wouldn’t have
done it if I knew it was wrong.”Teacher
takes the Constanza defense.
Ex-MF Global CEO Corzine Sued by Trustee – If they make a movie about our
ex-governor, I am available.
Ex-Governor CorzineCranky and
Ford recalls first Model T’s produced
in 1908 – Apparently
a design flaw causes a running board malfunction after 105 years.
The World's Greatest Tree Planter to
Plant a Second Whole Forest – Only two forests?That
is the World’s greatest tree grower?
Can we have a recount?
New $100 bill to enter
circulation in October – Unfortunately
I don’t travel in those circles.
Kansas woman greeted by circus tiger in bathroom – Come on lady, read the signs on the doors…BOYS/Girls/Girowls
Aggressive Girls Put Teenage Boy In Embarrassing State
– Boy manages to escape from
Arkansas. (Oh relax Arkansasians it’s a joke…Lou, you too Carolyn and Melissa!)
Elephant Bird Egg Sells for More Than $100,000 at Auction – Now the buyer is looking for a
twenty pound slab of Elephant bacon.
Samurai sword-wielding Mormon bishop comes to aid of
woman being attacked – Sometimes those
samurai sword-wielding Mormon bishops are good to have around.
Don't Relax TV Indecency Standards, Viewers Urge the
FCC– Cause if we see a little titty that
shit will fuck us up.
winners who correctly identified the phony headline:
Ants have Aunts…scientists confirm – So do monkeys have uncles?