THE CRANKY OLD MAN
Random thoughts and stuff from a cranky old man. Humor (maybe), satire, and some politics, mostly stuff from a confused head.
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Tuesday, April 2, 2013
SHIT THAT MAKES ME CRANKY
SHIT THAT MAKES ME
I am not
always Cranky, usually I am quite calm and content with life.There are just little things that tend to set
me off to the land of Cranky.
These are some
of the things that are the aluminum foil on my fillings:
Cameras on stop lights – Come on, no one is around, the light was amber, I give
it a shot and SMILE you’re on stop-light camera.
Perfect lawns – I don’t know, but I just want to take fertilizer and
write a big FU on these anal retentive suburbanite’s front yards.
Precocious kids – Yes, he is smart.Yes he is cute.Yes he sounds
years older than he is.Please, keep him
the frig out of adult conversation.A
quick hello, a short show of brilliance, and then off to bed.
People who say, “We had went to Walmart.” – You should had been goneded to school more.
Dr. Phil walking off every show arm
and arm with his wife
– You pompous ass!Does your wife have to sit in your audience everyday
just to prove you are happily married?I
just know someday Dr. Phil is going to be caught in a triple x movie theater
whacking his Willy. What? They don't have them anymore. Well something nasty, you wait!
Muzak – In the elevator or put on telephone
hold, this crap will drive you nuts.
Drivers who turn without signaling – That’s ok jerk-weed, just let everyone guess!
The wind-chill factor – Screw the “It feels like temperature” just tell me the
actual temperature, and the wind speed; I can figure out if it is cold or not!
The E-Harmony Guy – He just creeps me out.
Packaging – Why are a pair of scissors lashed to cardboard by
plastic straps and sealed in plastic.The only way to get out the pair of scissors is with a PAIR OF SCISSORS!!
Drivers on the turnpike who don’t
turn off their blinkers – Do you not even hear that click-clack you moron?
Skinny women who claim to be
Chocoholics – Ladies…please…do
not trivialize the “oholic” condition, and one friggin donut does not count. (This just cost me some very nice followers, but I will not be censored.)
People who shut the door when they
leave the bathroomduring a party
-Like I have nothing else to do at a
party except to stand outside the bathroom waiting for someone to finish up
when…THERE IS NO ONE IN THE BATHROOM…HOW WOULD I KNOW THAT?
Shoppers who leave their cart
blocking the aisle while they decide which friggin cookies to buy – Take your time ass-wipe, I’ve got
nothing better to do.
People I don’t know who smile and say
“Hello” to me – Don’t
even get me started on people who say “Have a nice day.”I’ll have a nice day if I want to have a nice
day, not because you tell me!(I know, I may need help!)
are all like splinters in my ass…otherwise I’m not that Cranky.