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Tuesday, April 2, 2013

SHIT THAT MAKES ME CRANKY


SHIT THAT MAKES ME CRANKY
 
I am not always Cranky, usually I am quite calm and content with life.  There are just little things that tend to set me off to the land of Cranky.

These are some of the things that are the aluminum foil on my fillings:

 

Cameras on stop lightsCome on, no one is around, the light was amber, I give it a shot and SMILE you’re on stop-light camera.

Perfect lawnsI don’t know, but I just want to take fertilizer and write a big FU on these anal retentive suburbanite’s front yards.

Precocious kidsYes, he is smart.  Yes he is cute.  Yes he sounds years older than he is.  Please, keep him the frig out of adult conversation.  A quick hello, a short show of brilliance, and then off to bed.

People who say, “We had went to Walmart.”You should had been goneded to school more.

Dr. Phil walking off every show arm and arm with his wifeYou pompous ass!  Does your wife have to sit in your audience everyday just to prove you are happily married?  I just know someday Dr. Phil is going to be caught in a triple x movie theater whacking his Willy. 

What? They don't have them anymore.  Well something nasty, you wait!

Muzak – In the elevator or put on telephone hold, this crap will drive you nuts.

Drivers who turn without signalingThat’s ok jerk-weed, just let everyone guess!

The wind-chill factorScrew the “It feels like temperature” just tell me the actual temperature, and the wind speed; I can figure out if it is cold or not!

The E-Harmony GuyHe just creeps me out.

PackagingWhy are a pair of scissors lashed to cardboard by plastic straps and sealed in plastic.  The only way to get out the pair of scissors is with a PAIR OF SCISSORS!!

Drivers on the turnpike who don’t turn off their blinkers – Do you not even hear that click-clack you moron?

Skinny women who claim to be Chocoholics – Ladies…please…do not trivialize the “oholic” condition, and one friggin donut does not count. (This just cost me some very nice followers, but I will not be censored.)

People who shut the door when they leave the bathroom during a party -  Like I have nothing else to do at a party except to stand outside the bathroom waiting for someone to finish up when…THERE IS NO ONE IN THE BATHROOM…HOW WOULD I KNOW THAT?

Shoppers who leave their cart blocking the aisle while they decide which friggin cookies to buy – Take your time ass-wipe, I’ve got nothing better to do.

People I don’t know who smile and say “Hello” to me – Don’t even get me started on people who say “Have a nice day.”  I’ll have a nice day if I want to have a nice day, not because you tell me!  (I know, I may need help!)

 
These things are all like splinters in my ass…otherwise I’m not that Cranky. 

“Hey you kids…Get off my property!”

17 comments:

  1. You Knock.
    Muzak is evil.
    My Hubby is an elevator mechanic and has become a connoiseur of Muzak in self defence. (read as: he learnt how to change the settings so something else played)(At least while he was there)

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  2. "People I don’t know who smile and say “Hello” to me"

    That's a major difference between Northerners and Southerners. Here if we meet someone walking down the sidewalk and they DON'T say "hello", we immediately know they're Yankees. They'll just look at their shoes and keep on walking.

    What's wrong with saying "hello"? Is that considered the opening line to a mugging?

    S

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  3. I agree with all Cranky but damn I do smile and say hello to many people...I get cranky when people don't smile and say hello..

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  4. You have just rung about every bell in my chime collection.

    Though, I will own up to being one of those greeters of strangers.
    Making eye contact almost always extracts a smile.

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  5. I like your list and I mostly agree. I might add the weather poeple on TV telling me that I need a jacket today or that I need to leave early when there are 10 inches of snow on the ground.

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  6. In small groups, I will always smile, but not always say "hello", but hey, I work in a good-sized city! I can't smile at everyone! That crap's exhausting!

    And Dr.Phil? I had to laugh -- I've been saying that myself for quite some time.

    Maybe we're related? :-)

    Pearl

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  7. The shopping trolley in the middle of the aisle is a big thing for me as well. Always have to bite my tongue when shopping.

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  8. Haaaa.. I just wrote about grumpy cashiers ...

    I am southern, I smile ... I may say hello or not... depends on the where we are. no reason not to be pleasant.

    As a matter of fact ... when I was feeling really down in the dumps and forced myself to go to a cute little restaurant to 'get out of myself'. I had the sweetest little server. She walked up to me and smiled. No phony baloney bullshit... handed me a menu and asked what I wanted to drink while perusing said menu.

    That genuine smile just perked me right up. You never know when something as simple as a pleasant smile can make someone's day. seriously.

    now then as far as some of the other stuff you list... HAHAaaa bad grammar drives me up a wall. he done it ... she seen it and of course the lovely ... had went. gag a maggot

    Dr. Phil? I don't watch because I can't stand to see the broken people over and over. I do love his sayings though ... being half Texan... we do have our sayings... one of my favorites of his and I use it often ... NO matter how flat the pancake, there's always two sides. ... love it

    I don't understand Robin...

    I could tell I was getting old when I hummed along with Muzak. I like it. it's funny.

    I'm suspicious of anything perfect ... especially lawns.

    I feel the same way about precocious pets .. especially people who think their dogs are human and want me to oooooh and ahhhh over all their little tricks.. and face licking and toe licking ... gag another maggot. I LOVE animals but their people drive me insane.

    what else... oh, What the hell is an eHarmony guy... this a commercial? mute the damn thing

    I loathe ... LOATHE packaging... loathe it

    HAHAHAaaa skinny women being chocoholics... they usually LOVE to say that in front of us fat women ... kinda like a nanner nanner ~ I like to walk up behind them and knee 'em in the back of their knees … I really do

    I'm done ... thanks for the rant space...

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  9. Well, I go along with just about all of 'em. They all spin me up pretty quickly. Except, yes, I am one of the "Hi, how ya doin'?" types. I was born and raised a Yankee, then joined the Air Force and saw the world. Greeting people is just how it's done in the Midwest AND the South. But hell, up here in New England saying "hello" to someone you don't know just isn't done. Hhhmm, Joe, you sound kinda "New Englandish" now that I think about it.

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  10. I should clarify the "Hello" thing. Face to face I can be quite social. It is the strangers passing in the oposite direction on the sidewalk hello that drives me nuts...still I may need help!

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  11. okay, i agreed with most, but the last one is just too cranky for me. i'm a smiler and a helloer. :)

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  12. I'm with you on the E-Harmony guy. He creeps me out, too!

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  13. My granddaughter busted me for turning w/o signalling. Coming home I signalled the turn into the drive, off a deserted township road. Then I signalled the right hand turn into the garage. Her little face was beet red.
    Oh, and I have run the red light at 3am at a deserted intersection. She doesn't know about that.

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  14. Thanks, Cranky, for saying what we all feel only doing it so much more eloquently-better. It's good to know I'm not the only one freaked out by E-Harmony Guy.

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  15. Could you add Flo the Progressive Insurance gal to your shitpile? Her time has done come and went.

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  16. Oh! I agree with you on a whole bunch of these, maybe because we are from another generation of child-raising psychology, the whole "give a show" child routine really turns me off. Children are not to be or act like miniature adults. Being a captive audience to a precious child "star" grates on me. It is not cute. Even worse when they are allowed to be part of and overtake adult conversations! Ok, call me old fashioned. There is a time and a place to shine, that isn't it.

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  17. I can agree on a lot of these. Can I add the 'Honor Student' stickers to your pile? Who really gives a flying crap other than you?

    Dr Phil and his wife- Either he will get nailed for the triple X theatre (they have them here) or she will. Something has to happen there... because we all know that train is coming down the tracks at some point

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