STUPID HEADLINES 041413

STUPID HEADLINES 041413

It is time once again for:

 STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY

 

This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments

 

I hate when that happens

 

Police arrest man dressed as Cookie Monster in New York City – What do you expect from a city that doesn’t allow you to buy a “Big Gulp?”

NY man awarded $1.6M over flooding, citing frog phobia – I’m scared sh*tless of spiders, there must be someone I can sue.

Kindergarten Boy Suspended for His 'Distracting' Mohawk –

 

Why not just use his head to represent the letter I?

 

Hermit Crab Species Found Alive for First Time –

 

They were found for sale on Seaside heights, New Jersey, boardwalk, 3 for 2 dollars.

(It’s a Jersey thing!)

 

Memorabilia dealer admits to altering famed $2.8 million Honus Wagner card – Card was actually of Jonas Wagoner a third string shortstop for the 1909 Pirates.

Voice of Charlie Brown pleads guilty to threatening and stalking in California – Man claims he wasn’t stalking, he was just Snoopying around.*

Professor Calls Republicans Stupid & Racist – Lone angry Republican student responds, “I know you are, but what am I?”

Newlywed bride realizes she is allergic to new husband's sperm – Oh like I haven’t heard that one before!

Convicted killer suing murdered victim's family – Murderer sues victim’s wife for defamation of character from a letter she wrote.  Her lawyer made this comment, I cannot improve on it, "The guy's a convicted murderer! I don't know how you defame his character.”

Bitcoin bubble may have burst – You know you are getting old when a new fad’s bubble bursts before you ever heard of it!

Hymnal that dates to 1640 could fetch $30M at auction – Or it is available on Kindle for $8.99.

Iranian scientist claims to have invented time machine – Scientist suggests moving his country forward by going back in time.

Bras make breasts sag more, study finds – A French scientist spent ten years studying breasts to come to this conclusion.  Dude…have you ever seen a National Geographic magazine?

Let's make this perfectly clear: 'Stupendous' see-through mouse brains a new research tool – Now if they could just find the damn things!

*Cranky Old Man apologizes for any really bad puns…it’s the Tourette’s.