STUPID HEADLINES 042113
It
is time once again for:
I hate when that happens!*
“Guess the phony headline”
One headline
is completely made up. Anyone who
correctly guesses the phony headline will get a mention in next Sunday’s post.
My Pet is Sneezing and Snorting.
What's Going On? – First,
check your stash of coke.
No Children for Ellen DeGeneres and
Portia de Rossi – After
several months of trying, the lesbian couple decided to give up, “I don’t know”
Ellen said, “something’s missing!”
Ants have Aunts…scientists confirm – So do monkeys have uncles?
Boat filled with protected species
hits coral reef – If that’s not bad enough some of the
sailors were smoking!
Michigan judge holds self in contempt, pays $25 fine
after his smartphone disrupts hearing – Judge threw out his own sentence on appeal.
Can Evolution Beat Climate Change?
– Vegas has it 2 to 1 in favor of Climate
Change.
Paris Jackson Calls Michael an
'Incredible Father' – Yes, and John Wayne Gacy was an incredible clown!
Elephant dung beer sells out almost immediately – Well, the
elephants eat only the finest hops and barley so…
Gold Crushed in Historic Rout – Tax Hikes beats
Gold, is set to play the winner of Evolution vs. Climate Change.
Dead whale draws crowds to Puget
Sound beach – Apparently there is not much entertainment on the
Puget Sound beach.
The gourmet-cupcake market is crashing – I would have been rich, except my idiot broker sold “cupcake shortening” when I told him to sell “cupcakes short!”**
The gourmet-cupcake market is crashing – I would have been rich, except my idiot broker sold “cupcake shortening” when I told him to sell “cupcakes short!”**
McDonald's Pushing
Employees To Be Cheerier – Cheerier
than what?
Customer pulls out gun after Walmart
employee refuses coupon – Why would you need a coupon if you have a gun?
**Cranky Old
Man apologizes for all bad puns…it’s the Tourette’s
So do you start out drinking elephant dung beer, or is it what they start slipping you after you've had about 6 of the good ones?
ReplyDeletefor the fake, i'll take 'ants have aunts'.
ReplyDeleteEvery single one sounds plausible to me. May the DeGeneres one was taken a little out of context?
ReplyDeleteI think it's the Michael Jackson one!
ReplyDeleteI am not going to compete in your contest,,,,, I haven't a clue and besides, you have given me enough public homage already and I do not want to deprive some other worthy soul of your accolades.
ReplyDeleteHowever, as to which one is my favorite...hell.....I cannot decide.....I adore the article, but I think I am most partial to the gold item and the cupcakes, mostly because your own remarks tickled the hell out of me (no, no, not like the lady in the buzzing panties....)
Hmm, I'm going tomsay the one about ant aunts is fake.
ReplyDeleteI'm just guessing, but I think the sneezing pets is made up.
ReplyDeleteI'm going with Ants Have Aunts as the fake. Though I was tempted by the Elephant Dung Beer.
ReplyDeleteI bet they're all true. I know cupcakes are going out like Vampires went out and Zombies are going. Things come and go so fast. I'm still trying to learn the Harlem Shake.
ReplyDeletemy guess...is that it's the Ellen D. headline --
ReplyDelete