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Wednesday, May 23, 2012



Mrs. Cranky and I had not been to the supermarket for some time.  We were low on supplies.  This afternoon Mrs. Cranky left for work and entrusted me with a list of items we needed at the supermarket. 

I have always heard that you should never go grocery shopping on an empty stomach as when you are hungry you will buy items on impulse that you do not need.  I left for the store at 2:20 without having lunch.  The hunger pangs kicked in at around 2:25.  I fought the urge to buy everything in the store and stuck to the list, so the never shop hungry adage is not always on target….except I learned there is a second reason to not shop while hungry.

For dinner I purchased a rotisserie chicken.  I had eighteen items in my cart.  There were only three cashier lines open.  All the lines were backed up with people stocking up for Armageddon.  I had to wait in a long line, starving, with the tantalizing fumes of a rotisserie chicken wafting into my nostrils.

At 3:15 a two-hundred year old lady at the front of my line was squabbling over a 30 cent coupon.  She was distraught that the coupon was not registering.  The cashier did not know why they it was not registering and had to call a supervisor.  The rotisserie chicken fumes did not let up.  I was feeling faint.

The supervisor determined the coupons had expired.  The two-hundred year old lady began to cry.  The rotisserie chicken called to me, “Give her the 30 cents and EAT ME!

I obeyed the chicken and stepped forward with 30 cents.  It turns out that two-hundred year old ladies are very much into principle.  She wanted the coupon 30 cents, not my 30 cents.  A manager was called.  My stomach was crying.  The coupon had expired last week.  The two-hundred year old lady claimed the item which she was buying with the coupon was not available last week.  The rotisserie chicken did not care.  It continued to call to me and I heard it loud and clear.

The manager relented.  The coupon was honored.  The two-hundred year old lady packed her items and shuffled away victoriously. 

One more customer and twenty minutes later I paid for my produce and was on my way home.

The rotisserie chicken did not make it out of the parking lot.


  1. Hey, I know that 200-year old lady! Blue hair, wrinkled up like a Sharpei dog, right? Yep, she's in front of me everywhere I go, too. I feel better knowing someone else is feelin' my pain.

    Did you save any chicken for the Ms?


  2. When you finished did you go back into the store and buy another?

    Did you at least go home and use the bones to make some chicken soup for the lady when she got home from work and was hungry?

    Or did you just pig out?

  3. I think that lady's relatives all live in my neighborhood...except here they have fists full of coupons and each one has to be carefully scrutinized before being handed over to the cashier. The chickens here are junk so they don't really call to me...the ham off the bone however...

  4. Supermarket checkout lines test my patience more than just about anything else ...except for the assweasel who drives all the way to the end of the freeway onramp and then stops to wait for a spot to merge while I am behind him.

  5. You have one of those ladies too. Somehow I never see their brothers or even sons around, May be their daughters once in a while.
    Being a customer service associates myself, I have given back even as low as twenty five cents when a cashier forgot to deduct the coupon.

  6. Cranky......I like your writing and what you write about.

    We all know that 200 year old lady......and that damned talking chicken got what it deserved.

  7. It's 7 am and I suddenly have a hankering for rotisserie chicken...

  8. Shopping in supermarkets.

    1. Prepare ahead, pick your time - requires some reserch as to locale, crowding, re-stocking, school hours, etc.

    2. NEVER shop on an empty stomach - hungry shoppers are a marketers dream customer.

    3. Make a list - use it and stick to it. Avoid impulse buying.

    4. Never buy rotisseries chicken - if you've ever seen how they are handled prior to, during and after cooking you would know what I mean. And they are always the oldest stock chickens.

    ( Did you know that cooked chicken causes more cases of food poisoning than any other pre-cooked food item?)

    5. Always avoid 200-year old Little Old Ladies with blue rinse hair, bad perm and a face like a wrinkled up like a Sharpei dog. Any supermarket they shop in is a 'below civil standard' supermarket.

    6. Take a 'Fart bag' from a novelty shop (pre-loaded with rotten egg gas)and release it when on the end of a long queue and exclaim loudly "Ohmigawd! Who did that!!! and watch the queue rapidly depart (works wonders in a crowded) elevator as well, lol!)

  9. I fear that my husband is the 200-year-old-lady. He will fight tooth and nail to get a coupon honored. He also brings things BACK to the supermarket if they are not satisfactory, like if one of the oranges in the pack is dry...he'll take that orange back and demand another. The GAS he wastes doing these things....doesn't matter...because, you know, it's the PRINCIPLE.


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