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Saturday, May 26, 2012

FASHION DICTATORS

FASHION DICTATORS


Who are these people who tell us what to wear and how to decorate?  Why do we listen to them?  Most of these fashion/decorator dictators have lifestyle tastes totally different from mine and yet I am supposed to listen to them about how to dress and what colors to put in my living room (do people still have living rooms?  I know parlors are out.)

A perfectly nice gay gentleman just informed me that artificial flowers in the house are bad feng shui.  I am sure this dude knows his design, but he does not know me.  We are different, why should his design ideas mean anything to me?  I don’t ask him for ideas on sex partners why do I care about his ideas on design?  What is feng shui and why should I care?  Do dead flowers bring good feng shui, because that’s what happens to my flowers?

Look, sometimes I admit I have no idea about what clothes to wear and I will ask for advice.  There are times when I seek another’s opinion on designing a room.  Some things I just do not care that deeply about and I want to know what most people find acceptable.  BUT…It just annoys the hell out of me when some TV fashion expert dude puts down things that I do like. 

You pretentious asshole!  You are wearing orange pants, a shirt with a giant daisy print, purple boots, multi colored hair in a huge bouffant, lipstick and blue crap on your eye lids and you tell some poor slub, “Honey you have no taste.”  AND…The poor slub LISTENS!!

Let me answer for that poor TV slub.

“Listen jerk-weed I do have taste.  I don’t have your taste.  You like penis; I prefer vigina.  I don’t care about texture or curves or style or ‘pop’ or mauve.  If I want to wear black, then that is my taste.  If I want a frickin moose head on my wall, then that is my taste, if I want steak and cheese flipping pie makes me throw the F-up, please do not tell me I have no taste.  I don’t have your taste you arrogant douche!”

Those that know me will say, “But Cranky, I’ve seen where you live, I know how you dress; you don’t wear black, and there is no moose head in your home.”

This is true.  Am I a hypocrite? Listen, I sleep with Mrs. Cranky, I defer to her taste.

        

9 comments:

  1. Good taste is waaaaaay overrated. I figure I've lived 61 years without their approval, so why bother listening to 'em now?

    S

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  2. Loyal readers are challenging to come by, but u have just converted me! :)

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  3. You listened to the whole thing? That's hard core cranky.

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  4. Good on yer mate! If I hear one more so-called fashion expert talk about colors or anything else 'popping,' I shall scream and put my foot through the TV set. I don't want anything I own or wish to purchase to POP! Get a new word you crazy fashionista poops.

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  5. Just because we watch and listen, doesn't mean we buy the Kool-Aid. I subscribe to that saying:
    To thine own self be true
    After more than three score and eight I know what it means

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  6. Amen and huzzah, Cranky.
    Egads, I love the way you write and what you write about.
    You are becoming an addiction.......please don't stop.

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  7. Pet peeve of mine too! These make-over shows where people tell their friends they have no style and look like crap, and it makes the friend cry and they make the friend give away all his/her favorite clothes. And who LETS that happen? I'd say leave me the eff alone, I like my 'style." It's not right.

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  8. Dang where were you shopping that a dude was actually wearing the outfit you described. Here..Here do what is right for you

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  9. P'rolly the same one who told us to dress like this in the 'Fifties' - http://www.fiftiesweb.com/fashion/fashion-m.htm - de rigeur dress for the discerning male and they grew old into cranky and grumpy old man like us lol!

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