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Monday, May 28, 2012



It is Memorial Day Weekend and today Mrs. C myself and the step Cranks went to Monmouth Park Race track.  This is a tradition (last three years) and is always a good time. 

Mrs. C’s friend races horses and each year she reserves a section along the track rail and provides food and drink for a grand party.    

Thank you Jackie and Linda H.

Horse racing and betting is very exciting, but I must say it is mostly fun when you win.  Losing sucks. 

Picking a horse to bet on is a complicated process.  I generally analyze the odds, the horses performances over the last five races, the race distance, conditions, track – turf or dirt, times, weights, jockey, whether they are moving up or down in class and then taking all this information into consideration I pick a horse with a name that just stands out.

Using this strict set of racing criteria, I was unsuccessful in choosing a single winner, placer, or shower for the first five races.  This was not fun.

In order to have any fun at all, I started to screw with the track betting cashiers.  These people are deadly serious.  They deal with unhappy people a lot, and when they make a mistake superstitious gamblers are totally unforgiving.  They are perfect foils for the Cranky Old Loser.

“What is your bet sir?”

“Ah...I like the 2 horse in the 6th around the world please.”


“You know, around the world; win, place or dead last.”

“We don’t accept that bet sir.”

“Really…then let me have the 5 horse in the 7th to come up lame.”


“Ok, the 2 horse across the broad.”

“You mean across the board?”

“Ok that too.”

“For how much sir?”

“ $1.25…3 times.”

“Sir, the minimum bet is in increments of $2, $5, or $10!”

“OK, the 2 horse in the seventh to win for $5.”  Hey, I think I saw him push a button for security.

Before the day was done, I hit two races with the winner across the board and left with an actual profit of $2.00.  Mrs. C lost $2.00 overall.

The day was warm, the food was good, the races were exciting and we actually broke even on the betting (a first in this three year tradition.)

All in all it was a great day at the races.

Thank you to all the veterans who have sacrificed their time, their bodies and their lives so clowns like me have the freedom to enjoy such a beautiful day.  

Thank you also to the wives, husbands, children and the extended families of these brave citizens for the sacrifice they endure while their love ones risk their time and lives for our freedom.

Next Sunday June 3, is the Cut-a-thon: Cuts for a cure of Pancreatic cancer.  See:
Donations can be made through:


  1. My technique for picking 'em walk the horses around the track just prior to the race. Whichever leaves the biggest "deposit", that's the one I bet on. I didn't say it WORKED. I said it was my TECHNIQUE. ;)


  2. I used to pick the one with the prettiest tail. It even worked occasionally.

  3. Not a gambler but I enjoy the spectacle of horse racing. Don't like the 'Red Hots' or the 'Dish Lickers' but the pacers are quite entertaining.

    I was a track official for many years at a country race club and worked the saddling enclosure with the Stipendiary Steward and the course veterinarian, checking gear and brands.

  4. I have never been to the house races but I would like to go sometime and maybe place a bet just for fun.

  5. Not a huge gambler but I love the horse races...Glad you had a good time Cranky


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