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Friday, February 10, 2012



Mrs. Cranky and I watch a lot of TV.  If the average couple watches three hours of TV a day, we help pull that average up.  We pull it up a lot!

We have four TV’s in a small townhouse.  All are HDTV’s.  For four years now I have been commenting on how little difference I see in shows broadcast in HD and shows broadcast not in HD.  I was told that unless your TV was a large screen it is difficult to tell the difference.  One of our TV’s is 48”.  That seems pretty large to me and yet I still could not get excited about the super clarity of HDTV.

Recently we have been having trouble with our bedroom cable box.  We exchanged it for a new box and also added a box on a set in the kitchen which was operating directly off cable and did not receive all the channels possible.  It turns out the old box was not HDTV rated explaining why the picture clarity upstairs was nothing to write home about.

We hooked up the new box in the bedroom and it worked ok, except the picture still did not appear to be anything special and the picture now did not fill the full screen.  I found this to be particularly annoying. 

We tried to connect the box in the kitchen, but we could not get it to work at all.  We called for a technician to help with the install.

Bob the technician came the next day.  Bob will forever be known in this household as “Bob the TV God”.

First Bob found an issue with our standard cable connection in the kitchen.  No wonder for four years we could not get channels 5, 44, 45, or 48.  Next Bob determined the new box we were given was defective.  Bob then connected a whole bunch of shit from a spare box to the TV, played with the remote at a speed that defied description and voila!  We suddenly had 287 crystal clear HD channels and one universal remote. 

Bob was a TV God.

“Can you do that with our other TV’s?” I asked in awe.

“I can try.”

Down stairs to the family room we went and Bob performed his magic again.

We suddenly had 48” of HDTV clarity fucking gold!  All in a full screen! AND A UNIVERSAL REMOTE!  I mean one freaking remote for TV, cable, VCR, and DVD. 

HAAAllelujah…hallelujah hallelujah… HAAALEEELUUUjah!!

I sent the TV God upstairs to the bedroom where once again he did his thing. 


Bob left seemingly unaware of the miracles he had performed.  I thanked him profusely, got off my knees, genuflected and let him out the door. 

I spent the next three days in front of a TV.  Candles were lit on the all the TV alters. 

Sunday I went to church and thanked God for the “TV God”.

We have vowed to not touch the TV settings. 

What God hath fixed let no man mess up with a blunder.


  1. I love our universal remote and my HDTV. We checked out the new 3D tv the other day....DAAANNNNGGGGG

  2. I have no TV at my house. I am looking for one. I am still waiting for the price to come down more. I do not want to pay too much for the junk that is on TV. Plus I can always watch TV at my mom's house.

    Dan the Mountain Man
    Mountain High and Valley Lows

  3. TV is not my thing, so I can't comment there, but I love your shiny moment of happiness and improved clarity. Oh the details you will be able to see in the background of crime shows. Every facial expression during interviews will be yours to view!

  4. Awesome post and absolutely funny! I agree with the HDTV clarity thing. We've got a big screen TV with that feature. To me, all the programs we watch just seem to have a daytime soap opera quality that I could have lived without. Oh,well. We're keeping up with the Joneses, you know.

  5. HDTV--the myth to sell new t.v.s even when your old worked just fine.

    Cindy said it best--the daytime soap opera picture is absolutely right to describe HDTV, at best. I do not see a difference, really. Maybe, I need "Bob, the TV God!"

    I'm glad your t.v.s are up and running; afterall, people need a little background noise every once in a while!

  6. I can only tell a difference with our cable and HD when I'm watching designated HD channels. And with our craptastic cable company - we have 5. CBS, NBC, ABC, Discovery, and ESPN.

    Boy-ho I tell ya football looks much better on those channels!

  7. you do all realize that cranky exaggerates excessively in most his blogs, right?! i let him get away with it cause if i don't he yells at me. he is very protective of his blogs. god forbid anyone question or correct him on what he writes. but either way, i love him anyway. i'm such a sap ...


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