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Thursday, February 2, 2012

If It Were Not for Women and Gay Men

If It Were Not for Women and Gay Men

As a man, I must thank women and gay men for many things that would not exist without their special sensitivity. 

These are things that men do not need, things men would never create or buy, yet they are things men do enjoy and appreciate.

Curtains – I don’t need them.  A sheet or even old newspapers would work just as well….I like curtains.

Shelves and bookcases – Old boards on stacks of bricks are just as useful…..Shelves and bookcases are nice.

A table cloth, china, napkins (cloth or paper) silverware and candles at dinner. – A sheet will cover the table just fine, you don’t have to wash paper plates, paper towels will work as napkins, plastic knives and forks will do to cut food and shovel it to your mouth and light bulbs are as useful as candles…..Dinner does taste better with nice things at the table.

The color pink – Sometimes things look better in pink.

Figure skating – OK, that’s a bad example.

Clean sheets – Don’t need them….they are nice though.

Bed Spreads and made beds – OK, another bad example.

Champagne – Beer or whiskey will make you feel good, champagne is tasty….it is also fun to pop the cork and spray it around to celebrate stuff.

Soap, showers and shampoo – None are really necessary if not for women….but clean is GOOD.

Anything soft and fluffy – Hard and scratchy works, soft and fluffy is nice….especially for toilet paper.

Restraints, whips, and stiletto heelsNever mind.

Cats – Great for mouse control, otherwise another bad example.

Flowers around or in the house – Who really needs them?...But…they do smell nice.

Closets and clothes hampers – Throwing clothes in piles: Clean, dirty, and undecided, used to work just fine….Hanging clean clothes in a closet and putting dirty stuff in a hamper is a nice touch.

Vegetables – There not bad after you get used to them.

Neckties – See Restraints, whips, and stiletto heels.

The color mauve – As long as it never describes a football uniform or the felt on a pool table.

Tofu and quiche - This stuff is not all that bad as long as it is not consumed in the company of other men.

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