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Monday, February 20, 2012

“The Bachelor” A Cranky Analysis

“The Bachelor” A Cranky Analysis

After infusing some testosterone into this blog with my NFL playoff and Super Bowl posts, I am about to deplete it all with this post on “The Bachelor.” (SZ please stop reading now….yes, I know, I have already taken two steps backward.  It’s your spin.)

What is up with this bachelor, Ben?  First of all he is just a little weird looking.  His hair is a mess and he needs a chin implant. (Can you feel the testosterone level dropping?)  He also cannot see that Courtney is a freaking nut basket.

Dude, she has crazy eyes.  She has crazy eye brows.  She does that twitchy thing with her pursed lips which is something that….CRAZY F- ING PEOPLE DO!! 

I shouldn’t be too hard on Ben for not recognizing crazy, I put up with crazy for 14 years.  Still, Courtney is over-the-top wacky and she is probably the least attractive of all the bachelorettes.  My theory is that:

1.    The producers have told Ben to hang on to the crazy bitch because she is ratings gold.

2.    Ben is getting a little extra sum sum off camera from Courtney and he is going to cash in on the nookey while he can.

3.    Ben is actually as crazy himself as his hairdo would indicate.

My hope is that Ben will continue to be duped and get down on his knee for this wack so we can continue the drama in the tabloids for months after the final episode. 

All of these celebrity whores, both the bimboys and bimbos deserve each other.

How do 26 women all fall in love with one dude in about 15 minutes, all to the point of having a complete breakdown when they don’t get a rose? 

It is a stupid competition which never results in an actual marriage ceremony.  I think this show should demand an official marriage at the end of the show and a requirement of at least one year before a divorce in order to collect any monetary rewards.

Still, I love this show (yes, I do sit down when I pee).  My favorite part is following the women when they don’t get a rose.

 “WAA Waa waa! How could he not pick me….I’m PRETTY? I’ve never been rejected, because…I’m PRETTY! I always do the rejecting because…..I’M PRETTY WAA WAA WAA!”

OK, that’s enough ranting about this show.  I’m really not gay*; I think it is perfectly OK to watch these shows.

Do these pants make my butt look big?

*Not that there is anything wrong with that!


  1. You totally cracked me up! She does have crazy eyes! Run, Ben, run...

  2. This is one program I do not watch but I have heard she is cuckoo for cocoa puffs. He is not cut at all

  3. I love this post, almost as much as I love the bachelor!! I really liked ben on ashley's season, but the more he opens his mouth, the more of a tool he looks like. And I can't wait for his family to watch the episode where he and courtney go skinny-dipping--classy ladies do THAT on television! ps THANK YOU for sharing my opinion about her eyebrows.

  4. I do not question your man-hood but I am surprised you watch this :-) I have never seen it but I agree, this man is NOT good looking at all and the girl does looks a bit strange.... I can't believe this show is STILL on t.v.!

  5. Oh Cranky - you need to get out and away from the goggle box a bit more....Perhaps you would like to come over and play H's new XBox game with him - you don't need to speak to him or anything, he;s quite good at ignoring

    Lou :-)