HEADLINES 021212

HEADLINES 021212

It’s Sunday, time for Cranky’s Weekly Headline post:

Golfer stabbed in the leg after trying to play through – Group ahead apparently thought he hollered FORK, not FORE!  (I know, they get better.)

Pa. vending machine dispenses 'morning-after' pill - Machine is right next to condom dispenser and a sign that says “Pay me now, or pay me later.”

Organizers say they have enough signatures to restore University of South Dakota's Fighting Sioux nickname – School agreed to be renamed  “The Fighting Sue.”

Mexican army finds 15 tons of pure methamphetamine – Soldiers manage to go on a twenty mile hike and peal 1000 tons of potatoes in three hours.  (Really, stay with it, they get better.)

Wikileaks: Does Bradley Manning deserve a Nobel Peace Prize? – WHAT?? He hasn’t even won his first Super Bowl yet!  (OK, that’s just stupid.)

In scientific coup, Russians reach Antarctic lake- Only to find it is frozen solid.

Tribe suing beer companies for alcohol problems – Beer companies Sioux right back. (I am sorry it just struck me as funny.  They get better.)

Bus driver suing in firing over Confederate flag – He claims he was trying to hit the flag but accidentally fired over it.

Shyness, grieving soon to be classified as mental illness - Psychiatrists have yet to find a cure for shyness, but to overcome grieving they suggest you not allow loved ones to die.  (Come on, that’s funny.)

Toilet paper taking out tiger, elephant habitat, WWF says – This makes no sense, how rough can that toilet paper be!  And what on earth does the World Wrestling Federation know about tigers and elephants?

Pot Smoking Raises Risk of Fatal Car Crashes –How much did this study cost? Gee Whiz, a drug that makes you eat potato chips by the fistful, stare at your fingers and say “Dude” a lot will increase your chance of a car accident who’da thunk it?

Under Fire, Obama Adjusts His Birth Control Policy – Malia and Sasha were the result of change of policy.  (OK, maybe I lied.) 

I still think this shit is funny