MORE SUPER POWERS I WANT
Way back in May, I did a post on Super Powers I Want http://joeh-crankyoldman.blogspot.com/2011/05/super-powers.html. Having nine more months to think about it, I have developed an enhanced list:
1. The ability to understand women. For instance when they say “Don’t get me anything for our anniversary”, do they mean it, or is it a test.
I have been burned both ways. “I told you not to get me anything!” and “I know I said nothing, but when do you ever listen to me?”
2. The ability to telepathically change and lock the TV channel. “Gee honey I don’t know what happened I guess we just have to watch golf until cable fixes the problem.”
3. The ability to change the expiration dates on the coupons of the lady in front of me in the supermarket checkout line.
I know it would only slow me down, but it would be worth it just to fuck with these people.
4. The ability to give a mild shock to teenagers every time they say “like”, “you know”, “awesome” “epic”, or “really?”. Like, you know, don’t you think that would be awesome and epic? You don’t. REALLY?
5. The ability to cause pompous ass-holes to pass loud stinky gas at the most inappropriate of times. I would clear the room during all political debates.
6. I don’t want to be faster than a locomotive or to be able to bend steel with my bare hands, but leaping tall buildings in a single bound would be really fucking cool! Do I really need to comment on this one?
7. Ex-ray vision! Come on I would be discreet…maybe…sometimes.
8. The ability to make politicians respond to questions with a direct non-invasive answer. (I know that one is a little farfetched, that’s why I want #5.)
9. Able to guide large birds and cause them to “smart bomb” people that piss me off. “Gee if you hadn’t cut in line, that pterodactyl would have crapped on me!”
I promise I would only use these powers for the betterment of mankind.
Except for maybe the ex-ray vision thing.
Super Powers hmmmm what a lovely thought!
ReplyDelete*grins* X-ray vision would allow you to see their bones, not any more fleshy parts, you know. :-p
ReplyDelete(ps. Captcha hurts my brain)
Ooooh...those are good ones!
ReplyDeleteIf I could have a Super Power, I think I'd like to be able to move things with my mind. I may have watched "Bewitched" one to many times as a child because I have always wanted to just twitch my nose and have things come to ME instead of having to get up for them.
and speaking of the Captcha thing (commenter above) ... why do they make what we have to type so long and complicated? Isn't the purpose of it to keep automatic spam computers from commenting? So then wouldn't just a single letter work? An automated computer spamming system wouldn't be able to input the correct letter if they can't "see" the letter and make a decision to type it, right? I don't get it. Why not just one simple, single letter or number? I must be missing something. There must be a reason. People aren't just out to make our life frustrating, right?
ReplyDeleteIf I could have a super power, it would be to be able to understand why men still envision themselves in the same shape they were at 18. Even if they're in their fifties and and are definitely not college studs any more. And I refer to my dear hubby in particular, but I know more are out there!
ReplyDeleteWell some of us are in the same shape as when we were 18. That would include me.
ReplyDeleteOf course at 18 I was a short fat slob.
Cranky
Yep, all of them (EXCEPT perhaps the xray vision;).
ReplyDeleteNumber one's EASY, I'm surprised at you!
What you do is, you buy a present but hold it back.
If she starts making 'where's my present noises' you can then produce it and pretend you were waiting for the perfect time to give it to her.
If she doesn't, you save it for the next Birthday or Christmas.
BUT, never make the mistake of missing the signals until she calls or texts you to complain about the lack of present as she will never believe you didn't just rush out and buy a guilt present.
See, simple really isn't it? ;)