EXTREME AUSTERITY

EXTREME AUSTERITY

Money is tight these days, so I am looking into ways to save some cash.  Watching TV, as I do a lot, I have found many advertized ways to cut costs.  By shopping smart, and making a few lifestyle changes, Mrs. Cranky and I expect the following savings this year:

GEICO promises if I change insurers I can save $500 a year on car insurance.

I quit smoking and save $7.00 a day from a pack-a-day addiction.  That is a savings of $2555/year.

I quit drinking for a savings of $30/week on wine and $30/week on scotch total savings of $2900/year.

TV ads claim I can change my cable and internet access for a savings of $3500/year.

I have found new services that promise savings of $5000/year on health insurance, $1000 on cell phone service, and $2000/year by ordering pet supplies on-line.

I shop for clothes at inexpensive stores and save $1500 per year.

Using coupons and only buying store brand groceries saves me $3900/year.

I use gas saving techniques while driving to save $520/year, and set my thermostat down in the winter and up in the summer to save $1200/year on heating and air conditioning.

FreeCreditReport.scam  promises to save me money on lower interest rates on my loans = $4000/year savings.

I saved $5000 on a new car by buying on an advertized “super sales” week.

I added insulation to my house, installed more eco-friendly windows and purchases new “green” appliances, all to achieve a promised savings of $3000/year.

I shopped around and found a cheaper vacation home this year for a $1500 savings.

Mrs. Cranky and I go out to dinner only twice a month from six times a month.  Saving $4000/year.

We make our own meals and stopped ordering out for pizza, Chinese etc.  Saving $3000/year.

Renting movies versus going to the theater saves $1200/year.

No more Broadway shows and nights on the town saves $2800/year.

I cut back on birthday and Christmas presents by 50% saving $2000.

We pay all our bills on-line, and keep up with friends on-line including sending Holiday greetings.  Savings on stamps - $750/year.

Cutting back on showers, soap, hair products and deodorant saves $600/year.

Reduced expenses from suddenly having no friends to entertain saves $1500/year.

When we do go out, I forget to tip; saving $460/year.

Fake tossing money into the exact change machines on the parkway – savings $700/year.

Using only sweeteners, salt, pepper, ketchup and other condiments that are smuggled out of restaurants saves $175/year.

Resoling shoes instead of buying new - $225/year.

Shoplifting dishes, clothes, golf balls and other items - $600/year

Sneaking onto the golf course once a week - $1800/year.

All of these austerity changes to our lifestyle have a projected savings of $57,945. 

I only have an income of $50,000/year.

I figure someone owes me $7,945!