THE COVER YOUR ASS INDEX

THE COVER YOUR ASS INDEX

What part of inflation is the result of “professionals” making decisions specifically designed to “Cover Their Ass?”  Professionals: doctors, lawyers, engineers, and even exterminators make decisions that they know are not needed except to cover their ass in the case of a bullshit lawsuit!

Years ago professionals acted….well….professionally.  If you did not need an x-ray, they would not order an x-ray.  If you did not need windows that could withstand winds in excess of 150 mph, they would not order them.  If you did not need insurance against a falling meteor your agent would not recommend it.  If there was no insect infestation in your house, the exterminator would give you a thumbs up.  If your car’s brakes were fine, your mechanic would not change them.  Today the professional’s first concern is “What could possibly go wrong and get my butt sued?”  They make decisions to “just be 100% sure” even though their expertise tells them additional tests, new brakes, or other such precautions are a 100% waste of money. 

When economists measure the rate of inflation they should adjust the rate based on the “Cover Your Ass Index.”  How much have prices risen based strictly on stuff that we actually need and not additional costs added by experts to COVER THEIR ASS.

What got this bug up my butt?  I recently sold my house as part of a divorce settlement.  The buyer’s lawyer wanted an adjustment of $800 to cover the cost of exterminating the carpenter ants on the property.  THERE ARE NO CARPENTER ANTS IN THAT HOUSE!  I DID NOT SEE ONE FREAKING CARPENTER ANT IN THAT HOUSE IN FIFTEEN YEARS!! 

Are there carpenter ants on the property?  Yes.  There is not one tenth of an acre of unpaved property from Maine to Florida that does not have a carpenter ant.  If you drive a wooden stake in the ground in New Jersey and come back in a year, you will have termites or carpenter ants in that stake.  The exterminator for the buyer (inspection required by state law) saw a carpenter ant.  If he does not include that observation in his report and there is infestation in the house five years later he could be sued.  What was his professional opinion on infestation IN the house?  Not relevant.  What is relevant is what a dumb-as-a-stump jury might believe five years from now. 

What will the exterminator do for the $800 of law suit insurance?  He will spray some shit around the house.  Woo-Tee-FN-Doo!  The effect of this spray on ants that do not exist is like a fart in a hurricane.  Zippity do dah nothing!

The “Cover Your Ass” index is rising. It gets more expensive every year.  The day may come when your dentist just yanks a tooth with a cavity.  No chance of infection that way.  Visit a doctor because you bruised your arm; we may just have to remove that limb, can’t take any chances can we? 

What do you hear at the end of every drug advertisement on TV?

Try Celebrant for people who just need a good night sleep!  “Celebrant may cause diziness, don’t take Celebrant if you plan to walk.  In a small percentage of Celebrant users loss of hair and or ears have been reported.  If you take Celebrant and feel the need to kill yourself, stop taking Celebrant and call 911.  Heart stoppage has been reported in some trials but it only lasted for 2-3 minutes.  If you experience heart stoppage of over 3 minutes….we are very sorry, but we warned you.  So ask your doctor about Celebrant (it’s his ass too) and enjoy a good night sleep for the first time in years! (Some small percentage of Celebrant users never wake up.)

It is not important what is in your best interest, what is important is that experts COVER THEIR ASS!