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Thursday, December 22, 2011



Is there a list of official “dishwasher rules?”  I think every woman has their own set of rules.  I am on my third marriage.  I have had to learn a new set of conflicting rules with every wife.  As soon as I learn the rules, I change wives and have to relearn a new set of rules.  It is hard enough for a man to learn how to perform a task, it is impossible to have to relearn new rules.

PLEASE!!  Women, please get together and agree on dishwasher protocol.

Here are the rules I have to adjust to after every new marriage.

1.    Knives go in pointy side down or pointy side up?  Make up your minds, one way or the other, I really don’t care!

2.    All plates and flatware must be scrapped clean before loading.  Some say yes some say no.  It seems to me the dishwasher should be doing this work, but many women say the washer only sanitizes the load.  I don’t really care; just decide one or the other!

3.     Tupperware?  Yes or no? Come on women, either you can put it in the washer or you can’t.  Please, one rule!

4.    Silverware? See #3.

5.    Fine china?  See #3.  Keep in mind most men cannot discern fine china from corningware.

6.    When can I turn the washer on?  Does every nook and cranny need to be bursting with dishes or can I do a load every day?

7.    If #6 requires the washer to be bursting with dishes before starting, is there a time limit to overrule that requirement.  Two days? One week? Make up your mind and tell me!

8.    Can I wash stainless steel?  I’m told it might rust.  Really, rust but not stain?  Really?

9.    No plastic, plastic will chip or might melt, or plastic is no problem; come on, what is it?

Currently these are the rules I have been forced to follow:

Knives go pointy side down so you do not stab yourself as opposed to pointy side up so the business end gets cleaned.  Everything needs to be scrubbed clean before loading; the washer only sanitizes the dishes.  Tupperware…..NEVER, it will lose its whoosh when burped.  Silverware…no, I have no explanation.  Fine china…no, it will chip.  Why won’t crappy china chip?  The machine must be filled to the brim and then not turned on until the wife has a chance to inspect and redistribute the dishes to optimize capacity.  Dirty dishes must be washed within two days if washer is not filled to capacity.  No stainless steel, it might rust if the drying process is not complete (I don’t make the rules, I just follow.) No plastic, it might melt (I know, dishes have to be scrubbed clean before loading into a machine that could melt plastic.  WTF?)

These are the rules I currently follow.  Please ladies, get together and make one set of rules, I refuse to have to relearn dishwasher protocol again.

Or, I guess I will just have to stick with Mrs. Cranky and her rules.


  1. Hahaha! I must admit, I rearrange the dishwasher after the hubby has put dishes in it!

  2. Wash your dishes at night. Energy costs are the lowest. Like 1 am. Set the timer. Pointy side down and knives in the back of the rack to protect children. China cast 100 x the price but you have to hand wash it so you never use it or you use it once a year, but it's required to purchase when you get married. 1/2 the rack must face each other so the water bounces off of the plates at max force. Only plastic on the top. The bottom is hotter. Don't run it if any one plans on showering or napping on the couch or watching tv. Rinse your dishes. My brand new machine, you need to rinse the dishes or wash them by hand after the machine washes them. Sponges, or wash rag? Where do the bowls go? How should we pack the coffee cups and regular glasses? I guess you hit a nerve.

  3. My boy is well on the way to becoming a Cranky Old Man! I am so proud!


  4. Silverware shouldn't go in the dishwasher for two logical reasons.
    The harsh chemicals will dull the shine.
    If it touches any other metal some *insert technical description I don't know* thing happens and the silverware becomes discoloured. In uneven patches. Found that one out the hard way.
    Tupperware made in to 2000's can go in the dishwasher, but not earlier stuff, as it was made with a slightly different plastic. Again, the harsh chemicals do not do nice things to the pretty Tupperware, so leaving it out is still better.
    Scraping the plates means the water stays cleaner, therefore cleaner dishes! Especially with rice, that can leave a murky white coat over everything.

    Hope these technical explainations help you feel better about the rules!

  5. Put everything in the dishwasher Cranky,..My Mum has had tupperware since forever and it always goes in the dishwasher (top or bottom), some of it is as old as I am, it's fine, it still works, ok so it looks a little tired, but its been used for the last 4o years what do you expect.. Knives and forks and spoons go in with the business end facing up..Make sure you keep the rinse aid and salt topped up - they make the most difference to the cleanliness of the washer and rinse the big stuff off food wise but leave the machine to do the rest...

    Those are my rules in my house, my silver is not tarnished, my stainless steel is not rusty, my pots and pans come out clean, as do my glasses and my endeth the lesson......lmao

    Lou :-)

  6. One way to solve the dish dilemma: paper plates, and aluminum foil. Line your pans and cookware with it so they never get dirty in the first place. Throw out plates and foil afterwards--it doesn't save the planet, but it cuts cleaning time in half! All that's left then are the utensils and drinkware, which are easy enough to load. :)

    PS Your wife that made you load the knives pointy side up might have had it in for foul slip into the dishwasher and you would have been a goner!

  7. Oh Joe! I am completely compulsive about the dishwasher and how it is stacked!!! It must be as personal as your choice in underwear! knives pointy end up, or they won't get cleaned, stack that thing so full it almost tips over on you! Tupperware bowls and cups can go in the top rack, BUT NOT the lids! Only scrape the dishes, but not wash or scrub. I think your wife is doing well to get you to stack the dishwasher at ALL! My husband won't touch ours because I *apparently* go mental if he doesn't do it properly...
    I will be sure to let him know that he is not alone in the dishwasher bad books!

  8. Rule 1. Only I can load the dishwasher. Then only I am to blame and nnobody else needs to know the rules.

    And to be really annoying, the scraping plates thing is dependant on the dishwasher, in general though if it is expensive, no rinsing is required and it will actually contain dry dishes when the cycle is finished. (I'm on dishwasher number 15, I am an expert).

  9. Too funny. Knifes down. I once jabbed myself, splitting open the skin.. Bleeding everywhere. Knives down.

  10. Knives & silverware pointy sides down. Safety issue there.
    Everything else- throw it in no pre-rinse required. If it doesn't come clean after round 2 or 3, then bust out the dish soap and scotch brite pad. Tupperware- in it goes. If it comes out messed up- toss it in the trash and deny its existance. Run it when full or if it starts to smell, whichever comes first. Stainless steel stained? WTF?

  11. mrs. cranky here. thank you all for your comments! took mr cranky by surprise to see how passionate or anal we can be about some things. and a special thanks to all who said all pointy flatware down!! : - )