Why I can’t Be Left Alone
Mrs. C has been away on business. She is manager of a ballroom dance studio and it is having a big four-day competition in Connecticut, which means she has been away for five days…she left early to avoid a big storm.
I have been a bachelor for all that time. The first day I lived the bachelor life. Watched TV, practiced guitar, went to the gym, grilled a steak (it was too cold for a cigar) and had some scotch and even a little wine. Being a bachelor is nice. I enjoyed it for a day. From then on I missed Mrs. C.
Shhhhh, don’t let her know.
So, now I was all by myself, cooking and eating alone was not such a big deal, getting a little buzz was not all that great, and sleeping alone was weird. I had no one to tease and have my nipples twisted. No one to hide deserts under a towel. No one to explain what was happening on TV, and I had too much time to do stupid stuff.
What stupid stuff?
Why is grooming stupid?
Well, I hate having Brezhnev eyebrows. You know those overgrown bushy things on the 1970’s Russian Premier. I trim mine from time to time with scissors and a comb.
Well now I was all alone, and I thought, “Why use scissors, I have a special razor for trimming my beard, why not also use it to trim my eye brows?”
Mrs. C would have said “Don’t do it!”
Mrs. C was not here to say “Don’t do it!”
I did it.
So now one brow is kinda shaved real funny. It will grow back, but for the next few days I will have to adjust my glasses, and angle my head in just such a way that the shaved eye brow will not be too obvious.
Mrs. C is going to give me the business for this mistake.
I say it is her fault.
She shouldn’t leave me alone!