THE CRANKY OLD MAN
Random thoughts and stuff from a cranky old man. Humor (maybe)and satire, mostly stuff from a confused head.
I intend for this blog to be non-political. If I offer a political statement, rebuttals are permitted, however this blog is not for the unsolicited political opinions of others and as such those comments will be deleted and not published.
NEW AND IMPROVED
This blog is now sugar FREE, fat FREE, gluten FREE, all ORGANIC and all NATURAL!!
Sunday, January 19, 2014
STUPID HEADLINES 011914
STUPID HEADLINES 011914
It is time once again for:
Except for the race and gender thing it was a perfect match
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY
This week’s stupid
headlines and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments.
One headline is completely made up. Guess the fake and win
Scientists discover hormone that blocks pot "high" – Why in the Hell would anyone even look for such a horrible hormone?
India makes first gun designed for women – So if you
are in India and you’re pissed off at your wife, the local store will recommend
this special gun?
millions on penis pumps, paid double retail price – This explains all the
really big dicks in government, but do they have to screw us on price as well?
Convicted Oregon pimp sues Nike over lack of shoe warning label – Apparently under certain conditions these shoes will cause you to abuse
women and turn them into prostitutes…I think a label would be appropriate.
Denver police shoot suspect who used woman as human shield – Turns out some women do not stop bullets very well.
Thief tries to steal Sigmund Freud's ashes – I blame
the thief’s mother.
Congress to vote on a cut in pay for themselves and their staff - Vote will take place on April 1.
California woman finds illegal distillery inside her garage – "Officer, I swear, the last time I looked it was a ‘57 Chevy!"
Little League baseball coach sues former player over victory celebration
injury – I think our tort’s law needs a “Shit happens clause.”
Canada's Olympic Skeleton Team Shows
Off Amazing Helmets – Helmets smelmets, in what kind of event do skeletons compete?
Court affirms Mass. murderer's right to get sex change in prison – Do they have to disinfect the chainsaw?
School bus driver suspended after bus drags girl for block – I’m pretty sure the first rule of bus driving is let the passengers off
before closing the door.
Last week’s fake headline was:
12 year old
weight lifter tests positive for human growth hormone – Well
yeah, he’s 12!
The only winner was the usually gullible